November 2, 2010

Halloween Shenanigans

My Halloween weekend was quite the interesting one. Tricks or treats? Hmm maybe alittle of both. It all started the other night when I went out with my boys Bobby, Kevin, and Andy. My little friend Tony also met us out. I haven't seen him in awhile. The best way to describe him would be to call him a "Pocket Gay." He's actually shorter then me. Pocket Gays are the perfect pint sized companion and can travel easily. They pass the security check point at airports.

I of course was excited to see Andy. He showed up with a lollipop in his mouth and asked me "if I wanted some candy." "YES! Please!" Shortly after Andy arrived one of his friends whom I never met showed up. I noticed he had tons of eyeliner on and he looked slightly Latin. They were talking privately and of course I was watching. Bobby noticed what was going on and came over to me. He asked if I was ok and I really wasn't. I kept thinking here we go again. Always overlooked. I kept telling Bobby "I was fine and it was fine. It's never gonna happen anyway. I just need to get over it." Bobby put his hand over my heart and said "Awe, this in here is breaking. It's breaking. Wait! Which side is your heart on?" Needless to say he lightened the mood.

Later after Mr. Guyliner left Bobby got the scoop from Andy on him. Apparently Guyliner has a boyfriend already and Andy described him as his best friend. (Funny cause I never heard of him before and if he is his best friend then what does that make me?) Bobby put his hand on my heart again (this time he knew which side) and said, "Now it's mended. All better." I was happy in that brief moment, but it quickly faded. I kept thinking I'm seriously fucked. I overacted when there was nothing going on, imagine how I'm gonna be when he actually meets someone and it's real. So what do I do? I seriously have to get over this crush before I get my heart completely broken. Later Andy had sent me a pic of himself dressed in his costume. A fireman, but his idea of a fireman was to wear boxerbriefs, a tight tank top, a fireman hat and boots. My response to this picture, "My butt is on fire and I need you to put it out with your hose." Yeah, I'm fucked!

Bobby, Kevin and Andy left early, but I still was upset and needed some distraction. Tony and I stayed for a bit, talked and danced alittle. Tony's a real sweet guy. If my pants wouldn't have been so tight I would have put him in my pocket. It also helped that he found $60 dollars that night and gave me $20 of it. Who says you can't buy happiness!?

Kevin and I were invited to a party in Manayunk over the weekend. His friend Lynn and her boyfriend were throwing a house party complete with bands and kegs. I'll admit I was nervous. There's only so much straightness I can take and kegs? Really? Kegs? (Where's my COCKtails?) What am I a 20 something year old frat guy that says dude, sup and bro? BUT hey I'll try anything once. Kevin and I decided to go in on a costume theme together. He was a Dalmatian puppy (he got mistaken for a cow alot even though he had no udders, but something else you could milk.) and I was his trainer. I wore overalls, a T-shirt that said "doggy style" and a baseball cap that said, "Bone Commander, School for your little dog." I had Kevin on a leash literally and told everyone his name was "Piddles" because he wasn't housebroken and I'm getting him neutered. I had a squeaky chew toy for him, which of course he put in his mouth cause that's where everything else goes. Kevin said it, "tasted like condoms" I rest my case!

After my 15th solo plastic cup of cheap beer I really started to have a good time. I met some really interesting people. Told a guy dressed as a taco I'd eat him and hit on a guy dressed as a gay Mexican. Kevin's friend Kate showed up. I freaking adore her. She's every 14 year olds wet dream. Boobs as high as an elephants eye! She was dressed as a sexy vampire. She seriously looked like she was straight out of Vampire Diaries or True Blood. The three of us hung out all night and got into some trouble.

The party had two kegs of beer, but food was very limited. Lynn had Kevin make two trays of Buffalo Chicken dip before the party. Um we finished the first tray before the party even officially started! The dip was that good! The second tray we left in the oven and planned to bring out later. Around 11 Kevin, Kate, Some random girl, and I were starving! The party was packed and if we would have put the tray out the dip would have been gone in 5 mins! I of course being the evil mastermind I am said, "let's sneak the dip upstairs and eat some!" My only fear I had was the wrath of Lynn! If she caught us, she'd kill us! Let Mission Impossible begin! Kevin grabbed the dip (people watched and some said it looked good his response "it is" HaHa) Kate grabbed the chips and I kept an eye out for Lynn. We snuck the dip up to one of the many spare rooms in the house (they even had a pot smoking room, yeah they were that straight and no I didn't have any!) and we ate more than half of it. Ok, Ok I ate more then I should and at one point we heard Lynn in the hallway. That's where I pushed the dip and chips under the bed and waited to the coast was clear. It appeared as if we were going to get away with, until we started to head back downstairs with the mostly eaten tray of dip. Lynn was standing there at the bottom of the steps! Kevin quickly said "Omg, Lynn we found this half eaten tray of the dip in the Stoner Room." She didn't buy it and her response was "Why didn't you guys tell me you were gonna sneak it upstairs? I'm starving!"

Our quest for food continues. Seriously you would have thought we had tapeworms! Kate, Kevin and I had a plan to find a local bar and get some good greasy bar food. We walked to this little Irish dive bar. It probably was one of those neighborhood bars where everyone knows their name. It turned out they had no food, so what do we do? Um hello! Of course we get more drinks! This time Cocktails! We weren't gone more than 30 mins and Lynn calls us asking where the fuck did we go? Apparently the bands were done playing and they needed fun dance music (aka gay music) to play, so back to the party we went. After some dancing, whipping hair back and forth, more drinking and the police visiting (breeder called the cops cause she said someone stole her iPhone) the party died down.

Our quest for food of course continues again! We tried to find a diner, but none were in walking distance. Our only salvation was the local Wawa that was a 10 minute walk away. Six inches of happiness was all I needed. Kevin, Kate and I had our 3:30am hoagiefest outside of wawa on the sidewalk. There we were in our costumes pigging out on hoagies in the middle of the night. It was priceless! After our walk back our next mission was to find a place to sleep. We ended up crashing in one of the spare rooms on a blow up mattress with this poor girl who had a horrible night. She just found out she may or may not have the herp and she sprained her leg at the party when she drunkenly fell. (side note her car was towed too.) Kate, Herpgirl and I slept on the air mattress and Kevin slept on the floor. Mission complete.

The whole straight party experience was very entertaining and I'd totally do it again. Next time I'm bringing a stash of food though and some fun flasks filled with vodka! This coming weekend I'll have to do something extra special gay to make up for all straightness I soaked in at the party.