October 25, 2010

Donations, Drinks, Dopplegangers and Drunks

Kevin and I had some adventures this past weekend. I was invited to Ian's Penthouse Party/Fundraiser for the Mazzoni Center in Philly, so I dragged Kevin along. I needed to get away from the Andy and Hick drama for alittle while. They of course broke up (insert a "told you so" here) but I have a feeling we will be seeing Hick again. Like an STD he took 8-10 weeks to get rid of, but I'm sure we'll have another flare up eventually. Andy seems to be ok. He admits they weren't right for each other. I gave him some advice and he told me he loves me and is so thankful that I am in his life. Score some points for me!

After getting all glammed up, thankx to some sandpaper, blowtorch, and shellac, Kevin and I headed into Philly. The first stop was Ian's penthouse. He was hosting a fundraiser for the Mazzoni Center. The Mazzoni Center is the only health care provider in the Philadelphia region specifically targeting the unique health care needs of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities. The Center offers a full array of primary health care services, mental and behavioral health services, and LGBT legal services, as well as HIV and STD testing, food bank and housing subsidies for families and individuals affected by HIV, support groups, outreach and education programs. I love everything the Mazzoni Center stands for, so I was more than happy to make a donation. I'm not always about receiving, I'm a giver too. Well anyway I did my good deed for year, ok now back to receiving! 

Kevin and I had a good time at the party. Some cocktails, snacks (little wieners and sausage balls of course) and you're guaranteed to have a fab time. Ian's crazy neighbor lady even called the police on the party and said we were holding some girl there against her will. Can we say crazy? The police showed up at the door and at first Kevin thought they were strippers, after all it was a gay party. Thank god he didn't pull out his money and wave it at them. 

The plan was to stay at the party till around 10 (some cute drunk guy tried to undress me, time to go!) and because a Philly trip can't be complete without meeting up with fabulous Knockers that's just what we did. We were meeting up with Knockers at a gay bar in Philly called Woody's. While we were on our way we had to drive through a small area of Chinatown. Kevin said, "OMG! Look at all the Asians! They are everywhere, I feel like they are coming to get us!" I hit the power lock button on my door and said, "Yeah I kinda feel like I'm in a Godzilla movie right now. We are in Chinatown after all." Kevin then says, "Omg really? Wow! Philly is like a real city!" I laugh and look at him, "You're so pretty Kevin and um DUH!" 

Well, after some minor set back where I backed my car into one of those yellow concrete poles. Just minor damage but still embarrassing. I'm telling people someone hit me while I was parked and at the bar. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it! Off to Woody's we go, hi ho, hi ho! While were waiting for Knockers to show up (he was his usual 20 mins late, had to make a grand entrance) Kevin scoped out the room and of course the boys. He said, "We don't stand a chance here! There's some really hot guys in this place." I of course glared at him and replied, "Oh hunny speak for yourself. I'm sure there's someone here who wants to tickle my ginger." Then walks in Knockers and I swear my butt quivered. I went over, gave him a hug and kiss. Knockers wasn't in the bar for two minutes and some creepy older guy (We'll call him Jeepers Creepers) walked up to him trying to pick him up. Of course Knockers convinced Jeepers to buy him a drink. Knockers told Jeepers ,"it's my 25th birthday next week (cough, 30!) and I can't believe I'm turning 25! (cough, 30!) You should buy me a drink." It of course worked, but Jeepers Creepers wanted a piece of ass so he probably would have done anything. 

I could tell Knockers was already drunk when we had to go to the ATM so he could take out more money and he was treating it like it had a touch screen. (it wasn't a touch screen the buttons were on the sides. Haha) We were getting ready to head over to the next bar and I noticed Knockers still had a full drink. My only thought was if he chugs that he won't be able to function, so I asked him for a sip of it and down my hatch it went. Tavern On Camac was packed. I swear it must have been a breeding ground of crabs and the herp. Kevin started to talk to this guy whom I swear could have been the doppelgänger of his ex. Like hello! I think he needs to call Dr. Phill because obviously he is still going after the same type of guy. Kevin ended up making out alittle with Mr. Doppelgänger, then he disappeared and Kevin was standing there alone. 

Jeepers Creepers offered to take Knockers home. (They both live in NJ and this way he didn't need to call a cab) I of course didn't like the idea, but I'm naturally over protective with people I care about anyways. They left and Kevin and I stayed behind till closing, then we walked back to the parking garage I was just about to get on the turnpike when I received a phone call from Knockers. Apparently they were pulled over by the PO-lice and Jeepers was currently getting a sobriety test. (which he failed!) Word of advice peeps make sure you turn your headlights on! No wonder the police pulled him over. For our ride home Kevin and I were very entertained. Knockers sent me pics of him waiting in the car with police cars behind him, pics of waiting at the police station and finally a video of him posing and kissing for us while he waited for Jeepers to get "processed." Knockers being the good person that he is actually stayed and signed Jeepers out. He could have taken a cab home at anytime, but he didn't. If he would have left, Jeepers would have spent the night in county jail locked up with Bubba. I told Knockers he saved the day and he said,  "Yeah, I'm like Wonder Woman, but with a vintage Burberry scarf." 

So what are the lessons of the evening? Giving is good even if you don't receive anything in return. (YEAH right!) Yellow concrete poles are not your friend. Never make out with someone who looks like an ex. Always make sure your headlights are on. Never let a perfect stranger drive you home because they could get arrested and you could be waiting hours till they are released!  

For more information about the Mazzoni Center please visit www.MazzoniCenter.org