May 10, 2011

I Do

We said, "I do" and he leaned in and kissed me. There we were in front of all our family and friends declaring our love and devotion for one another. The sand was warm and in between my toes. The cool salty ocean air caressed my cheeks and the sun kissed my skin. Ocean waves played their own romantic music for us. The day was just beautiful and perfect. My best friends were of course by my side and I could hear my mom crying happy tears. As I looked up at my now husband I realized........The mother fucker didn't have a face! It's funny, I have the idea of how I want my wedding to be, (I always pictured a beach wedding with a causal elegant type setting. I'm not religious at all, more spiritual.) I only need one more thing. Just that one final ingredient, that very important part, you know THE GROOM!
Saturday I was invited to a wedding. I love weddings! I'm a big sucker for the whole romance thing. *insert a sigh here* I brought Kevin with me. He's a good wedding date. Never let's my glass get empty, he gets along with everyone and he is guaranteed to do something stupid. Kevin went to two other previous weddings with me and both of those involved the same families so he already knew some people. This wedding was for my friend's Dad and my other friend's Mom. I've known Jules for about 11 years now. I consider her family almost an extension of my own. I spent most of my early to mid 20's with her and her family. She is and always will be my ultimate fag hag. It's rare when you have a friend that you don't see very often, but when you do It's almost like nothing has happened or changed. That's how my friendship is with Jules. I think my favorite memory with her is when we watched gay porn together. "Lick that sweaty ass!" It was just hilarious! I remember us watching it with her sisters (Judy and Jillian) and when her Dad came home we turned it off quickly. I consider Jules's Dad practically my dad. (I even call him The Dad.) For the longest time he was the only positive male role model I had and in a lot of ways he still is that role model for me. I'm like the redheaded step child they never wanted, but got anyways!

So who is the blushing beautiful bride? ME! (Just kidding) O's Mom Delilah. O went to school with Jules and Judy and both families have known each other for awhile. (For a little background story on O see the post, The Intimacy Debate) I used to hang out with O a lot back in the day (He was almost like my Kevin before I had a Kevin.) There was many drunken nights with O that we sung Celine Dion songs at the top of our lungs. I'm also even good friends with his sister Natalie. Ever since I ripped Natalie's skirt and her ass was hanging out and she broke my designer sunglasses. It was a trampoline incident that got out of hand. It's funny how everyone is kind of connected. The joining of one dysfunctional family to another dysfunctional family. It's gayer than The Brady Bunch!
The wedding was beautiful. Dad was the most handsomeness groom ever and Delilah was so beautiful in her dress. She later told me that O wanted to borrow it when she was done. I can so see a "Like A Virgin" Madonna drag number. You could see how happy they were. (Awe breeder love!) The reception was more funner! (yes I said funner!) Hello open bar! I lost count how many drinks I had. (I know I'm a lush.) Kevin and I sat at table 13 with Sven and Kimberly. They've both been long time family friends like myself. Sven played Dr. Phil with Kevin for a little bit. He was trying to get to the root of Kevin's skanky behavior and why he does what he does or whom for that matter. It was gonna take longer than an hour session though. (Kevin has about as much self control as Lindsay Lohan's nostrils!) It's gonna take Sven time to chip through those slutty crusty layers. I've know Sven for years. He's a sweetheart and a cutie. Perhaps if I would have been drunker or sluttier he would have gotten a Handy-J under the table. Kevin was telling people he wanted to take Sven in the bathroom for a quick bang. I think Jules really summed it up nicely when she came over and said to Kevin, "You dirty slut!"
Towards the end of the reception the groom had his tie around his head like a bandana, Muffin (O's boyfriend) was doing some serious dirty dancing with older women, (it was practically straight porn, they could have conceived babies!) Kevin and I were touching Joshua and his boyfriend (Big Daddy D) inappropriately (it was just a trouser handshake) and Natalie was covered in blue window marker asking me what was all over her, while she was the only one who was using it. (She looked like a Smurf)
After some more partying at the hotel, some laughs and inappropriate talk with O's Aunt and Uncle, Kevin and I went to the Stonewall. (Yeah cause apparently we hadn't had enough to drink!) Craziness ensued at the Stonewall; A lady was buying Kevin and I drinks, she lost her husband downstairs somewhere. (Um he was dancing in a sea of fairies so yeah that looks promising.) Kevin had the karma forces strike him down again when Hick kicked the chair out from under him and he fell on the ground. I guess we weren't paying enough attention to him and he got mad, either that or Kevin just lost his balance I didn't actually see Hick do it. BUT Hick did have this smirk on his face after Kevin fell. Hmmm suspicious! Some good news; Andy and Brett were there and everything is now really official between them. For the first time ever Andy changed his relationship status on Facebook to 'In A Relationship.' Maybe someday they'll get married who knows or Andy will realize his undying passionate love for me, you whatever comes first!

The next day I woke up with the hangover from hell. I started to think about how my wedding would be and if I ever did or even could get married. I was engaged once (Fucker gave me a ring that turned my finger green that should have been an indication of how things were gonna turn out!) so I assume maybe in the future I'll get engaged again if I meet the right guy. I wanna do things the old fashioned way; meet a guy, fall in love, get married, make babies or at least try. I guess we'll see.

In a country that values freedom it certainly feels that there is a lack of it. I find it odd that here in the United States Of America more states would let you marry your own cousin than let gay people get hitched. Why is it more accepting for the cross eyed, inbred hick freaks to get married? This country boosts about equal rights for all, but it won't give me the right that's most important and that is let me love who I love. I can only hope that when I actually meet someone and I want to spend my life with them, that things are better. There's millions of gay couples ready to get married now, I feel bad for them this whole thing is ridiculous. I know a few couples that would get married now if things were different. Conservatives fight that marriage is between a man and woman, I'm sorry sister Christian but you make a mockery out of it every time there's a divorce, a marriage that only lasts 24 hours, and the people that get married more often than they change their underwear. This is what I have to say to you:
Many states in the United States voted to outlaw gay marriage, (bunch of bigoted assholes!) there are many places in the world where gays and lesbians can get married or obtain civil unions. Remember just because you can get married in other countries doesn't mean the U.S. state in which you live in here will recognize it. The same goes for state to state not all laws and rights are carried over from each one. Please check with your state laws before you proceed.

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