July 12, 2011

The Ghost Of Exes Past

Past relationships have a profound way of haunting your present life. An ex can leave permanent scars almost like a ghostly residue. You can't see it but it's there. Although the wounds are healed overtime the scars are just a reminder of what happened, what went wrong and how you felt. A memory is a funny thing. How many times have you heard a song and were instantly transported back in time to that relationship? You remembered exactly how you felt and what happened. It's like your ex is haunting your life and ripping at your scar he gave you. To this day I still can't listen to the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol without feeling the need to grab a sharp object and hunt down my ex! When that song comes on the radio I have to turn the station or leave where I am. It's a reminder of how much he hurt me and brings back other memories I'd rather forget.

Derek and I were chatting he told me about a dilemma he is going through right now with his ex. It sounds as if he is being haunted a tad. "I recently contacted my ex fiancé because his facebook posts said that he was depressed. I reached out and said that I hope all was well. He contacted me back saying that he had recently had his heart broken so he knows what he put me through. He told me he wanted to get together to catch up, but wanted me to know how bad things were before I got involved. He sounded really depressed and with his Type A personality that is rare. He hurt me a lot but I will always care about him. I know he is vulnerable and I don't want to lead him on or get myself into a sticky situation. So I guess when do you bury the hatchet and realize what's important?" It's hard to bury the hatchet unless of course you're burying it in your ex's back! I told Derek "it's one thing to be concerned but try not to get invested. You can only do so much." Getting roped back into a previous relationship is no good. Ex's have one power that others do not and that is knowledge. He knows you! He knows what to say and how to act to get what he wants from you now. Your ex will play with that scar till you're bleeding again.
Saturday night I got together with Derek and Bobby for some cocktails and appetizers at Pistachio Bar and Grille. The weather was perfect so we dined alfresco style. As we sat there and chatted about life and past relationships, It dawned on me that a past relationship was staring at me right in the pie hole. Bobby and Derek have found a way to put the past behind them and become friends. There's no haunting there, well at least not yet. Our conversation was slightly interrupted when a little spider came down and sat next to Little Miss Muffet aka me. Bobby let out a yelp and practically run across the street. Derek picked the spider up like it was nothing and flung it in the air...my hero!

  To make the leap from ex to friend is possible but I have found it takes time. I have never seen a relationship where they break up and instantly become friends. People say it takes half the time you were dating someone to get over them. So if you dated for a year for example, it would take 6 months then to get over them. I guess in some instances this formula could be accurate, but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be friends after the 'getting over period.' I have come to this conclusion in my life that nothing can satisfy you more than hitting a delete button. (Oh, ripping up pictures and breaking things they gave you helps as well.) Regardless of what kind of relationship it may be whether friendship or past lover, if I deleted you from my phone you're dead to me. I know this is harsh but exes that hurt me the most I pretend they died. I usually envision some freak accident with a bodygroomer while manscaping their privates. It's like Final Destination fag style.
After Pistachio's Derek, Bobby and I headed to the local bar for a bit. The bar was pretty dead. It practically was it's own ghost town. The boys ended up leaving early. Bobby had been sick the past few days and Derek had to be up early Sunday and looked exhausted anyways. After they left I hung out with Andy and Brett whom I haven't seen in awhile. Ever since Andy has been dating Brett he has been m.i.a. I do know in the beginning of their relationship Andy and Brett were having issues with haunting exes. They were really trying to work things out. Apparently Brett's ex was harassing him and trying to get back together and Andy's ex Hick was spreading nasty rumors. Andy told me that everything now is fine. Brett's ex is completely out of the picture and Hick has apologized for his behavior. Andy even went as far as saying they are now "sorta friends." I told him, "I don't trust Hick just becareful." I smell bullshit and it isn't fertilizer!
Lately Kevin and I have been trying to include Andy and Brett in get togethers but it seems he only ever hangs out with Brett and his friends. I know this happens when you're in relationship and I did have a talk with Andy that night. I told him not to forget us and that we all like Brett, so why can't we all do something together? After all Kevin and I were his first real gay friends and I helped him come out. Andy experienced a lot of firsts with us. Which he actually brought up that night. He told Brett I was the first guy he ever danced with and that Kevin and I were the first gay guys he ever hung out and drank with. I don't know what will happen with Andy and our group but hopefully after my little talk with him he tries a little harder. Even friendships sometimes take work.

As I am standing there with Andy and Brett who waltzes in but Stalker with a completely shaved head. (Because he didn't look crazy enough before.) Stalker ran over to me lifted me up in the air and kissed my cheek. I was violated and I liked it. I haven't seen Stalker in months. Well since Andy is happily taken now Stalker has no one to really stalk anymore. He told me he only sees this relationship with Andy and Brett lasting another month. I said, "hunny I hate to burst your crazy bubble but I think they are actually going to end up moving in together. It keeps progressing." He just looked at me and all I could think is "shit I just angered it!" Stalker then said, "I don't think Brett likes me very much he never talks to me and always walks away." I really wanted to tell Stalker it was because he is a couple nuts shy of a sack, but I didn't want to get hacked into little pieces. So instead I played stupid and told him, "I really haven't noticed, so I don't know." I think in effort to change the subject or prove just how crazy he really can be, Stalker reached in his pocket and pull out his phone. He proceeded to show me the new sex swing he got. It was hanging from the ceiling in his garage next to his car! I looked him and said, "This vision is forever burned within my brain do not show this to Andy he is gonna get freaked out!" Without hesitation Stalker called Andy over to look at the picture and as I had predicted he freaked out and ran the other way. And Stalker wonders why Brett doesn't like him! It's because Brett knows Stalker really wants to hang Andy from that swing in his garage, next to his car! The picture below is kinda what it looked like except it was hanging from his ceiling. There was no support poles on the sides.

Looking from across the bar I got a glimpse of someone I once knew. My heart began to race and my hands started to shake. I was instantly transported back in time and every feeling and emotion came running back. I felt as if my present self was floating above me looking at my past self. Andy looked at me asking if I was ok. He said, "You look like you saw a ghost." Upon studying the person across the bar I realized it wasn't him and I need a strong contact prescription! Curse this getting older shit! I smiled at Andy and said, "I'm ok boo I thought for a second that guy over there was my ex Conrad but it's not him."

  I hadn't thought about Conrad or seen him in awhile. Conrad and I dated when I was in my mid 20's he was 33 then, tan, blonde hair, green eyes with an insane killer cut body. He was a big gymrat and had cum gutters (Abs) you could do your laundry on. He had that deeply defined V that just drives me nuts and my tongue. He also had a baseball bat for a penis. It was over 9 inches. The thing was insane! Conrad was obsessed with Bath and Body Works and Transformers! I know that's a strange combo. (Vanilla body scrub still reminds me of him.) He had every single Transformer toy ever made spread out through his room. Sometimes I thought they were watching me. It was creepy.

Conrad of course was charming and polite. Aren't they all in the beginning? I was drawn to him not only because he was good looking but because he was old school. He always talked about how long his parents were together and how he wanted that. We dated for almost 6 months until I found out he was cheating on me with a paramedic he had met after a really bad car accident he had. I found out through a friend of his and when I confronted him about it he told me the truth. He said he loved me and still wanted to see me, but still wanted to see this other guy too. He said they shared a special connection because of the accident. I told him to stick Optimus Prime up his ass! Later on I found out the paramedic guy had to go into the army so not only did I leave him so did the other one and also because of the accident he ended up hurting his shoulders so he wasn't able to work out like he once did and there went his cum gutters. I believe they call that karma!
I realized Saturday night that even though I hadn't thought about Conrad or seen him in years the wounds he left on my heart still remained. He lead the way for other assholes to break my heart. To think it all started with him. That's the thing about the ghost of an ex you never know when they will appear. It is possible to forgive over time but can you ever truly forget?