January 24, 2011

No Strings Attached!

NSA or No Strings Attached seems to be a popular topic lately. Is it possible to have no strings attached sex without having any emotional connection? What if your NSA partner is actually a friend. Can the friend with benefits work? I've picked apart some of my friend's brains cause I wanted their opinion on this. (My dirty little freaks) Most 'gay men' (because we are men for the most part) can separate their emotions from sex. On websites like Manhunt, Grindr, and Adam 4 Adam, it's very common to see profiles that say, "Looking for NSA fun!" One night stands are as common as a queen screaming, "Heyyyyy Gurl!!"

No strings attached is exactly that; you meet, get off, and go your separate ways. "It's a very emotionless interaction for what's supposed to be a very passionate act." Sometimes there's talking before or after. Most times it's just casual conversation like, "How bout them Steelers" or "Don't worry it's not a cold sore," "You like flavored lube?" It should be 'anti-getting-to-know-you' type talk. If you wanna stay emotionless the best way to do that is to know very little about the person, right? Sometimes they're rules or boundaries set; like cuddling or kissing. A lot of people find kissing during sex to be a intimate action. (Kevin, whom puts everything in his mouth and makes out with everyone, I doubt finds kissing intimate. I swear it's how he says hello. Haha) Like exchanging bodily fluids isn't intimate? Pearl necklace anyone? But to each their own.

Things could go so well with your NSA partner that the two of decided to do it again. Like every time that urge hits you, you have someone to relieve the pressure. It's like craving a Big Mac, you can order off the dollar menu, but emotions and a relationship are a value meal, you don't have enough money for that. In the rare occasion there's actually enough blood to sustain your brain and "Mr. Winky" your mind could start to wander if there's actually something more there. Like maybe you felt that kiss was alittle passionate or as he is licking your balls you think wow he would be a good husband! Or it could be the way he contorts your legs like Gumpy maybe you could get used to this Pokey. This is where your emotionless tryst can take on a new life of it's own and feelings start to develop. Now in many instances this could end badly! You could have feelings for him, but he could have as much feeling for you as he does for his blow up doll and vice versa. So what do you do? How do you turn your brain off and go back to meaningless sex? Because now all you can think about is the possibility and what ifs. Once the emotion trickles in it's impossible to go back. You might as well order that Big Mac cause you're fucked! (who cares if you're fat now)

Sometimes that NSA arrangement can eventually turn into something like friends with benefits. This normally doesn't last long and very seldom ends well. Friends with benefits or FWB usually consists of someone whom you have a mutual liking for. This person is always there for you in a sexual way but usually not in a emotional way. They're advantages of friends with benefits like; always having a date, if nobody else is available you know you got someone to pound your ass, but it's a bit unhealthy. At some point, one of you will find somebody to be with, and that FWB will have to end to start the other relationship. When I asked Bobby if he thought it was possible to have a friend with benefits without developing emotions and ruining friendships he said, "No it isn't possible. There is competition if you like the same guy. And jealousy if one of them likes another person. So no way, they may work for a little, but there is ALWAYS and expiration date." There is always the possibility of your FWB turning into a rewarding, emotionally fulfilled, satisfying can't live without you relationship, (fuck you) happy ending! If that's the case buy yourselves some kittens and Celine Dion CDs and may you live happily ever after. (I seriously just puked a little!)

For some reason some gay friendships are established through the FWB scenario. Like getting to know someone has been replaced with, let me put my penis in you and once that urge is gone we can be friends. I know quite a few people that use this method to make friends. They have sex once and it's out of their system and a friendship develops. Whatever happened to a handshake?? Apparently it's been replaced with a handjob!

George advises, "If you're looking for a husband, the normal thing to do is talk, meet, have a date or two, develop a mutual liking and connection between each other, and take the next step from there to sex. But wait, we're queer, we're not normal. We think with our dick and wanna fuck the first time!" George is right! That's why there's this "69" Degrees of Kevin Bacon! Everyone knows someone in their circle of gay friends whose hooked up! In a way it's almost like we've all slept together! (Hello Jersey Shore!) Knockers opinion on the whole NSA fun thing is, "I don't think it's impossible. You just have to be good at seperating emotions. I can't do that." Him and I actually have a lot in common. I can't separate my emotions from sex. I wouldn't even be able to enjoy it without an emotional connection. I need that passion. I crave that spark. If a NSA arrangement is your thing for whatever reason please just do yourself and everyone else a favor, wear a condom (no glove, no love!) and whatever you do protect your heart as well. Like an STD, emotions and feelings are hard to get rid of once you have them.

Special thank you to George for all his well written insight and contribution couldn't have written this entry without you.