February 28, 2011

Dating Etiquette

It has come to my attention that some homos seriously need to be schooled in some dating etiquette. After talking to a bunch of people I complied a list of common mistakes and must dos. Most of these rules apply whether it's your very 1st date or 50th date, if your single or coupled and how you should treat your friends when it comes to dating. So they say rules are made to be broke but really some of these shouldn't!

20-Dress to impress.
If you are out on the town with your date please dress appropriately for the venue. You're not going to Wal-Mart (hopefully) so leave your sweats and PJ bottoms at home! You don't have to look like you just walked off the red carpet, but sometimes people take the whole dressing casual thing to far. If your date isn't a trip to the gym or some outdoor sports activity (what's that?) leave the sweats at home. Most importantly make sure your clothes are stain free. Can I get a black light up in here?

19-Good hygiene is a must.
This really is common sense but it's still on the list anyway! Before your date please shower and not the quick cologne shower, an actual get in there and clean those 'nooks and crannies' type shower. I dated someone who had the worst hygiene. I had to take one for the team and shower with him. (Oops I dropped the soap) Don't forget "oral hygiene" is a must too. Whiten those teeth, and shove some altoids into that pie hole.

18-Punctual mo is a happy mo.
If you are picking your date up or meeting somewhere be on time. Most gays are late to everything because of something we call 'Fag Time' where everything is usually an hour or two behind. We show up at parties late, events late and our own funerals. Try to be on time for your date. This is the only time where coming early is a good thing.

17-Wandering eyes are a no no.
Give your date your undivided attention. If you are staring at all the hot guys in the room you clearly aren't paying attention to me. No date wants to hear, "Omg look at that guy he is so fucking hot." It makes someone feel as if you are looking for something better and trust me it makes your date feel like crap. Bobby says, "This wouldn't happen with straight couples. Just because two gay guys are attracted to the same sex doesn't mean the guy gets to comment on how hot another guy is." It's very rude. Try to keep eye contact as much as you can, but don't look crazy like you wanna rip my eyes out and put them in a box next to your bed either.

16-Exes are exes for a reason.
I can't stand when I'm on a first date and the guy keeps talking about his ex. There's a time and place for everything. Down the road if it's a possible future relationship there should be talk about past relationships, but I don't need to hear about your ex now.

15-Top seeking bttm.
I see this on online dating sites and social networking sites all the time. I just saw one the other day that said, "Top seeking bttm for dating or LTR." (long term relationship) Wow that's so romantic! Clearly if you state this you are just concerned with being sexually compatible. Most gay guys feel that they have to ask this question right off the bat. I can't stand this question especially on a first date it's obvious that all they care about is the sex part and have no interest in really getting to know me. I know not everyone screams, "I'm a big nelly bottom" (like me) or "I'm a huge dominating top," but there's a time and place for everything. You can at least get to know someone first before the sex talk. At least finish your appetizers!

14-Compliments work.
Trust me paying compliments works. If you say, "Wow, you look really nice tonight." and mean it, you're guaranteed to get a smile.

Public displays of attention can be cute but can always be gross. Couples that look like they are about to devour each other in public are gross. No one wants to see you try to reach your partners insides with your tongue! Hand holding is cute as long as there's no fear of gay bashing that is. I've dated guys that were into PDA and ones who were not. I don't mind it as long it's not taking it too far. I dated this one guy who used to always nonchalantly touch me. He would put his hand on my back once in awhile, things like that. It was kinda like "hey I'm here" without eating my face off.
12-Not everything is a date.
I have a friend who counts everything as a date. I'm sorry taking someone whom you just met, to your local loud gay bar is not a date! How can you really get to know someone in that kind of environment and why would you subject yourself to possible competition? Some would argue that even a first date to the movies is bad. Of course if u get there before the previews and movie start you kind of have no other option but to talk to each other. Some advice if it's a first date keep it simple. Choose a place where you can have a conversation without screaming at the top of your lungs. Save the loud bar for another time besides it's probably not a good idea to subject your possible soulmate to all your crazy friends.

11-Thou shall not covet thy ex boyfriend's ass.
It is bad judgement to be interested in or date your friends ex boyfriends or possible love interests. (crushes) Kevin experienced this the other day. Andy was asking questions about this guy that Kevin used to date. The remarks Andy was making to Kevin and myself clearly stated he was interested. I told Andy that he shouldn't pursue someone's ex or love interest, that's how you end up losing friendships. After I said that Andy kinda played it off like he was joking, but both Kevin and I knew he wasn't. Even if your friend says it doesn't bother them if you date their ex it's still a bad idea. Most times people just say, "yeah it's ok" because they don't want to look like the jealous bitch, but they don't mean it. It's never ok to date your friend's ex lovers and if you do make sure that it really is ok. Guys come and go, but true friends don't.

10-Do I look like a cast member from The Jersey Shore?
I'm sorry, but "Sup?" is not a word! I can't stand being called "Bro" or "Dude" either. Please speak correctly because this doesn't impress me and just makes you sound like you should be on Jerry Springer.

9-Glass half full or half empty.
Keep your date's drinks coming! Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. I like guys who keep me supplied with drinks. Trust me this is a win, win situation. People loosen up and let their guards down with alcohol. I'm not saying get your dates trashed but it's nice to offer to get them another drink. It's even better to just get it without asking them if they want another. It shows you are attentive and paying attention.

8-This isn't a game of S&M.
Don't dominate the whole conversation. Remember there's two of you. It's annoying when someone only talks about themselves. The world does not revolve around you.

7-First date sex.
Sex on the first date usually isn't a good idea. Gay guys always seem to rush into the sex part because we think with our little general instead of with our brains. Maybe we should be more like lesbians. Instead of sex on the first date they move in together! Lesbians pair up faster than you can say, "bearded clam!" Regardless if you're a gay guy or a lesbian seriously what's the rush at least wait till the second date! This way you'll know his last name.

6-Check please!
This one has always been a debate. Who pays for the dinner? It's usually best to assume that you and your date are going to go Dutch on the bill. Unless of course he clearly said something like, "I wanna take you out to eat, my treat." Knockers said, "Whomever asks should pay. If he asked you out to dinner he should pay the check unless it's agreed upon before hand to split it." I'm old schooled and believe Knockers is correct. If someone clearly asks you out on a date they should offer to pay the bill. It is always appropriate though to offer to split the bill or ask if he would like you to leave the tip at least. Like if you were going to the movies one could buy the tickets and the other person could buy the snacks. Buying popcorn and drinks is like taking a second morgage out on the house! Who do I have to sell my soul too in order to get some popcorn and Mr. Pibb!? Most times the "snacks" cost more than the movie tickets it's insane. In any case though make sure you have money with you. Never assume "he" will pay for you unless he clearly stated he was and always be polite and offer to help with the bill.

5-Mind your manners.
Seriously were some gay boys raised in actual barns? What happened to table manners? My friend Tristan says, "Nothing bothers me more than someone who chews their food with their mouth open! It's foul, I can't stand it! It's a total deal breaker." For most activities having ones mouth open and stuffed is fun, but when it comes to eating food keep it closed. (cough, Kevin!) Remember saying please, thank you and you're welcome can go a long way. I like polite guys they impress me the most. I pay attention to how he treats other people around him. If he is polite to a server while we are eating out then most likely he will be respectful to me. I like when a guy holds the door open for me. I even had a date once help me put my coat on. He held my coat open so I could slip my arms through and then proceeded to wrap my scarf around me. It actually was very cute. Another cute thing I look for at the end of the date is if he asks me to text him when I get home to ensure I got there safely. Even my friends and I usually do this when we go out. Just Friday night Andy gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek and said the very same thing to me. On Saturday night Kevin texted me when he got home. It impresses me if my date does this. It's considerate and shows they care even if they barely know me.

4-Bodily noises are evil.
Farting and burping is not attractive. I would prefer that my date or boyfriend were to think that I'd never pass gas or go to the bathroom for that matter. Like there's little gnomes that come and collect all your gas bubbles. If you must pass gas excuse yourself. If you can make it to the bathroom or outside that's even better. Some people think it's funny and for a couple that has been together for awhile it is funny, but not on a first date. It's certainly doesn't create a great first impression.

3-No texting.
While you're on a date put the phone away! Some guys would rather cut off their left nut than turn their phone off, but at least put it on vibrate. (remember if it's on vibrate to keep it away from no no areas in your pants or you'll be jumping around like a Mexican on Cinco de Mayo) It's one thing to check messages while he is using the bathroom, but it's completely rude to do it in front of your date while he is trying to get to know you.
2-Honesty is the best policy.
If you're into someone, you're into them. Why do people have to play these dating type games. Stop with the "I have to wait for three days before I can call" shit. If you say you're gonna call then call. If you say you're gonna text me the next day, then do it. If you say you're going to want to go out again, then let's go out again. A lot of guys just tell you what you wanna hear. If you aren't interested just be polite about it. Honesty is better then leading someone on.

1-It's so "After School Special," but be yourself.
Lindsay says, "I don't like people that try to hard. I get that when you are dating someone you want to impress them, but you should ALWAYS act like yourself and not the person you think they want u to be." She's right nothing is more annoying then someone who doesn't have an opinion. Someone who agrees with everything and says they like everything you do just to impress you comes off as being so fake. Most people can see right through it, so just be yourself. You want them to like you not who you are pretending to be.