March 7, 2011

Sex Rules?

Andy has been kind of MIA lately. He deleted his Grindr account and no longer goes out every night. He told me he was going to "take a break" and I'm glad to see that he is. We still occasionally talk. I get those random "I miss you" texts. Andy's been dating this really nice guy named Brett. I've met him a few times. They been seeing each other since January. This is big news cause normally Andy's "boys" only last a couple weeks. He was telling me about Brett and as he talked about him I could tell he was happy. As much as I wanted to stick daggers in my ears I still was happy for him. I gave Andy my approval and I think that is what he was looking for. Brett is an all around nice guy I'm really impressed. Trust me I tried not to like him but I found myself being won over by his charm. He is totally a keeper. Andy told me he only has one problem though. Brett is strictly a top and although Andy has tried both he prefers to be the top. He said it hurts to bottom. (I gave him some pointers. I know, FML I'm telling my crush how to get laid. How screwed up is this?) My overall advice to Andy was to not worry about the whole sex part so much. Things have a way of working themselves out. What is important is the connection. He agreed with me and he said he likes Brett so much that he doesn't want this to affect things.
My conversation with Andy really got me pondering this whole top, bottom thing. If you truly like someone is it that important? Gay dating sites are all flooded with profiles that read; tops seeking bottoms to pound, bottoms seeking tops to fill my hole, top vers, (versatile) bttm vers, pitchers, catchers, givers, receivers and it goes on and on and on. I get asked at least once a day if I'm a top or a bottom? It seriously is a question I truly can not stand. Like hello, you could ask me what my name is or how I'm doing. It really is an immediate turn off and I usually end up putting the guy on ignore. Obviously all he is after is some ass and has no intentions of really getting to know me.

I am not the only one who feels this way. Bobby had this to say, "I dislike when men have to know right away because it shows they don't give a shit about you. They only care where they can put their dick. For example I hate it when I'm going out with a great, good looking guy and after the date is over he asks if I'm a top or bttm. If I reply with the same answer he does and we end up shaking hands and leave. I think it's ignorant. Relationships are about compromise. Yes, we all might have tendencies that we like. If you don't take turns in different roles then the only relationship you're in is one with yourself. And it's an extremely selfish relationship at that." Bobby is right if you click in other areas then what's the harm in mixing up the roles? Why let a prime piece of yummy man meat get away? Why are we restricted by these rules that only straight couples follow? My friend Tristan made a good point, "The best way to destroy the fun of sexuality is having to abide by rules and restrictions. Part of the fun of sex comes from breaking the rules and shedding inhibitions."
In my experience gay men are like Tupperware containers. You can always find the bottoms, but you can never find the top. Sometimes you just have to make due and put plastic wrap on the fucker! So what am I you ask? Well to be honest I'm a bottom. (Love getting that G-Spot hit!) It's what I "prefer" to do, but not what I will only do. I wouldn't let a great guy "slip" away if he said he was a bottom as well. James said it best, "The whole top and bottom thing really stands for hook ups. It's whatever you prefer to get your rocks off. But for relationships, you really should be open to eachothers needs and wants."
Fortunately for me I've been with guys who were pretty much strictly "ass men," but I have played other roles before. It's different and exciting. It keeps things from getting boring in the bedroom. Even though I've been mostly a bottom, I'm not going to just lie there and take it. I'm proactive! I've had orgasms where my partner didn't even touch my penis and multiple orgasms even (yes it's possible for guys, now you know why I like the bottom role so much.)

Bottoms up!Seriously though what it comes down to (excuse the pun) is whether or not you are willing to do what it takes to please your partner. Personally I would try just about anything at least once as long as my partner and I communicated and we are both comfortable with what's going on. My advice, be open minded especially if you like him. Top or bottom he could be the man of your dreams! Like Kevin says, "It's 100% sexy when a guy is versatile!"
The top and bottom controversy is certainly a rule that should be broken. One rule that should always be enforced is safe sex. I noticed recently there's an increase in young gay men performing unsafe sexual acts. (barebacking, raw, anything goes) Um sure, I love barebacking; along with eating raw chicken, getting stung by bees, cutting myself, standing in the middle of the highway, and plucking my pubic hair out with tweezers! Seriously why are people so stupid? Why are you risking your health for a few moments of pleasure? James reaction to this, "In this day and age, and with free condoms everywhere you look, if you don't have safe sex you're essentially planning your funeral."

Free condoms (and lube) are available at almost every single gay bar I have ever been too! You don't need to be embarrassed going to the drug store or even spend the money! Most planned parenthoods and doctor offices will gladly give you free condoms. I swear every time I'm out at a bar with Kevin he grabs a handful! I know that boy is wrapping it up. They make condoms in all sizes, (Magnum guys you can email me at HAHA!!!) flavors, colors, textures, you name it! Glow in the dark ones are fun reminds me of a big glowworm coming to get me. Plus it lights the tunnel for you so to speak. All the condoms I have I have gotten them for free. In the rare occasion I actually have sex (It's like Ground Hog's Day I only come out once a year.) I'm prepared. If you look in my "fag bag" you'll find condoms and lube.
This photo shows the best practices for safer sex, but be advised none of these are 100% safe. Remember to always speak up, don't assume your partner is clean.

Bobby said, "I can't believe guys are so STUPID as to not have protected sex 100% of the time. Further more, it infuriates me when you have guys who explicitly say they don't want to have safe sex, so if you wanna have sex with them it has to be raw! It pisses me off because some of these guys are very attractive and some men who may have less self control will give in to the raw sex idea just to be with them. Doing this they are spreading diseases and infections into the small puddle that is our gay dating pond. It's like after all we know in 2011 why are these guys acting like they just crawled out of a cave? Just because they may look like cavemen doesn't mean they have to act like it!" I couldn't have said this better myself.

Young gay men have a mindset that they are invincible! If you're having unprotected sex it's only a matter of time before you run to your mama screaming, "It burns when I pee!" It's not a matter of IF you'll get something, it's WHEN! I really hope I wake some people up with this post. They need to be cock smacked across the face a few dozen times. Stop treating HIV and other STDs as if they were a common cold! There's even gay men that think if they already have HIV then it's like a license to fuck because what's the point they have it already. I'd like to line all these dumb fuckers up and shoot them! (With a real gun, that is.)

People argue that if they are in a committed relationship they could have unprotected sex. This only works if both partners are 100% sure they are STD free. You're also putting a lot trust into each other as well. Boys lie, boys cheat. (Not everyone, but you get the idea. How do you really know for sure?) If there's any hesitation at all use a condom every time. Remember no glove, no love. If you wanna get it on, cover your schlong.
Artwork by Qdirtylaundry

For info on HIV and safe sex practices please visit
If any of you need advice or someone to talk to please always feel free to contact me on Facebook, Twitter or Email. Be safe.