"It's complicated" We've all heard those words before. Couples say it when going through a difficult time in their relationship or perhaps they are getting involved with someone and they're not sure where they stand. Even Facebook has a relationship status option for this. So why is "it's complicated" become an acceptable way of defining ones relationship with another person? I have even said these words. The funny thing is when people ask you if you're single and you reply with "it's complicated" they tend to not ask further questions. Even though, "it's complicated" covers a wide spectrum of problems people usually don't want to get involved in your drama and shut up.
This past weekend was Kevin's birthday. He turned 23. (Happy Birthday you skank!) My little hairy twink is growing up! He's becoming an otter now, but if he keeps eating all those hoagies he'll end up in cub status in no time! Look out bears!
I had invited a group of people to meet us out for his birthday, but before we went out he had some news to tell me. Kevin went out on a date with that guy he had met the previous weekend. (You know the one he made out with for over an hour.
Rumor Has It post. We'll call him Nate.) Nate ended up taking Kevin out to a nice dinner and they had a good time. Kevin was texting me every time Nate went to the Bathroom. (Nate apparently went to the bathroom a few times there, maybe he was doing lines. "Hunny you got alittle white powder on your nose.") Kevin said, "I really like him but we are at that 'I already sucked your face what do we talk about now' phase." I told him that some small talk is best like, what do you do, hobbies, interests, family etc. Are you a serial killer? Do you do inappropriate things with gerbils? What's your bank account number? You know, 'the getting to know you' stuff. Kevin called me after the date and it turns out towards the end of the Date, Nate said he had something to confess. He told Kevin he is still kind of involved with someone (they live together) and it's complicated.
There's those dreaded two words again. If you're on the other end of those words it's rather disappointing. I could hear the disappointment in Kevin's voice. Kevin said, "It's the whole Ex situation all over again. This is just my luck! Why do I attract these unhappily married gay men?" History sure is repeating itself. (Read
'Bad Decisions' post for some back story on Kevin and The Ex) Truth be told I believe the reason why Kevin attracts them is because he himself is a happy person. He is a riot! He constantly does and says hilariously stupid things. I can see someone whom is currently unsatisfied with their situation to attach themselves to Kevin like a hemorrhoid.
Kevin told me he saw Nate again Thursday night. He ended up showing up at the straight bar Kevin and his college friends went to. (um stalker) Kevin said it was kind of a casual friend thing, but later on I found out from Bethany (she was there) that it wasn't all that casual. There was a bit of closeness, flirtations, and stealing kisses. Um yeah that's casual! Bethany told me that she told Kevin he shouldn't get involved with a guy who's in a relationship again! No matter how complicated and unhappy he is. She said Kevin agreed and said they're just friends nothing more.
Friday night was fun alot of people showed up for Kevin's birthday. Which helped me out because then I didn't need to buy the lush all his drinks. We started out at Candida's. Andy and Brett showed up. It was good to see Andy. I hadn't seen him in awhile we still chat weekly though and he does periodically check up on me to see how I am. Andy had the DJ announce Kevin's birthday and put his name up on the big screen. When I said to him, "Could you be any cuter right now?" he smiled big and turned like 5 shades red. Brett is super nice he bought us all shots. I really am happy for Andy and I hope it continues. Bobby and Tina of course were a riot. Bobby with his shiny plump DSLs looking for his next romantic interest. And for such a little girl Tina has a ghetto black lady ass. I swear I could have practically sat on it. It's like a bookshelf! Daddylicious was there with Ken Doll. Bobby noticed that when Daddy is with Ken he doesn't pay much attention to Kevin. (He usually tries to make out with him or playfully grabs him.) I still think Daddy must have feelings for Ken. All signs point to yes. We don't need a magic 8 ball for that.
As I'm talking to Kevin, Nate walks through the door. At this point I'm thinking wow he is totally following Kevin around. For someone I have never ever seen before expect for last weekend he certainly is popping up a lot here. I was chatting with Tina and when I turned around there was Kevin and Nate at a table in the corner being all close. Yeah just friends my ass. I told Tina the situation and she said "Oh it totally looks like they are gonna make out." I looked at her and said, "Yeah looks like bad decisions in the making tonight!" Some of the gang was heading over to the Stonewall. Allan was already there waiting for us, Harold apparently is dating a drag queen that was performing there and of course Nate wanted to go as well.
After saying our goodbyes to the party pooppers that decided to stay at Candida's we were off. Nate was waiting for us, well for Kevin by the door to the Stonewall. He looked eager, like a dog that just got a new bone. After about 30 minutes of being there, things heated up a bit between Kevin and Nate. There was some kissing, cock grabbing and closeness. Yeah just a friend level! (Sarcasm) I don't grab my friend's cocks, oh wait! I do, but it's always in a nonsexual, gay handshake, "hello there" kind of way! I did put a stop to it because Kevin was really drunk and I didn't want him to regret it later. Kevin being close with Nate like that, states he accepted Nate's situation even though he does not.
So what is Kevin going to do? It is hard when you are attracted to someone and they have this kind of complication. Years ago I really liked this one guy, but he was in a relationship. They had an open relationship so I could have totally gotten on that pork sword, but I didn't. It went against what I believed in and I wouldn't have been happy with myself. It was hard though to say no to getting attention from someone you like. My advice to Kevin was to talk to Nate. Set some boundaries and tell him about the situation Kevin was previously in. That way Nate understands why Kevin is leery. Ultimately it's not fair to be someones trick on the side.
When I ask Bobby what his opinion of the whole issue was he had this to say, "I think men who have boyfriends or husbands and use it's complicated as an excuse, just want to be promiscuous. It's really very simple. If you are with someone you're with them, if you are single then you're single. End of story. Guys that stay in these bad relationships and fool around with other people is yet another way gay men get a bad name." Bobby is right it really is that simple. So what do you do if you're in a "It's Complicated" relationship? Well you really only have two choices; Stay in it and be unhappy or get out and move on. People stay together for many reasons; afraid of being alone, financial issues, sharing a property together and because you do still love them. James and Sean are celebrating their 4th year anniversary together this month (Congratulations boys! I love you!) They both came from really bad relationships before they met each other. Now I know there situation is unique, but it does show that if you are really unhappy, and get out, there's a happier future possibly waiting! Remember "after a hurricane comes a rainbow!"
Here's some statistics I found. Keep these in mind the next time you're talking to guy on Grindr, a social networking, or personals site.
-35% of men who use a personal site for dating are already involved in a relationship or married.
-33% of men report having sex outside of their regular relationship in this past year.
-Only 25% of people in the world report that they are 100% monogamous.
