February 3, 2012


We are all human even if some of us don't always act it. To be human is to be filled with vice. Everyone has a bad habit or has done something at one point in their life that was degrading or could be perceived as immoral by others. If you take The 7 Deadly Sins and applied them to your daily life we are guilty of committing at least one daily. Some may say that being gay is a sin, but The 7 Deadly Sins don't discriminate against sexual orientation. We are all capable of sinning the same way. They always say "everything in moderation" but then what kind of fun is that!? No great stories ever started with, "I stayed home and read my bible." Looking back at my past weekend adventures I discovered that I am a culprit of The 7 Deadly Sins. Thankfully I didn't commit them all, but what I didn't do others did. Four out of the seven is the formula for a fabulous weekend!

Envy- is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Typically you hold resentment for the individual you are envious of and wish them misfortune.

Why we do it: Because other people must be screwing leprechauns! Some people just have all the luck. Everyone wants what someone else has. It's just human nature.

  Friday night James, Sean, their next door neighbor Carrie, Kevin and myself went to the Takeover event at ArtsQuest Center's Muiskfest Café together. The place was huge with two bars, a stage and DJ who played fun dance music all night. This event was a great turnout for Takeover. Muiskfest Café was packed with old friends, new friends and "opportunities." When we arrived Bobby was already more than half in the bag. He had just gotten off his juice cleanse and I thought he was a lightweight before! Apparently not eating for ten days not only shrinks your tummy but your alcohol tolerance as well.

James and Sean's next door neighbor Carrie was such a hoot. I like her... She drinks. After being in the building for 5 minutes this cute older lesbian tried to pick her up. Us gays don't even get that kind of attention! The little lesbian was so sweet but Carrie is straight. She'll have to find someone else to buy matching fanny packs with.

Watching James and Sean together that night made me realize how envious I am of their relationship. I want what they have. Actually Bobby, Kevin and Kile want it too. Their type of monogamous relationship is rare among the gay community. Out of all the couples I know their relationship is the only one I would want to use as a role model of what I want mine to be. Having envy for them I am suppose to have resentment and wish them misfortune, but I don't. The only one I have resentment for is myself (unlike Kevin, when he sees a happy couple on the street he wants to push them into traffic). I keep thinking I've run out of time. The older I get the more I feel like it's not going to happen for me. I may wish James and Sean nothing but the best, but I am jealous. I want what they have and I feel I deserve it. Can you really ever be envious without a little jealousy?

Wrath- is manifested in the individual who rejects love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Anger. They say there's a thin line between love and hate sometimes that line gets crossed.

Why we do it: People are fucking idiots! And because sometimes the people around you are pretty freaking irritating. Life can't always be rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes a little fury is needed to get your point across.

  Of course every story has to have a villain, enter mine! While at the Takeover we ran into Richard. He had been in the area visiting family for two weeks. He never cared about them before. I am not sure why he has started now. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and tugged on Kevin's shirt. Kevin looked over then passed the message off to James. James said "Ohh let me at the asshole he better keep his distance." Out of instinct I looked around for sharp objects. The anger filled my body and I just wanted to slap him! Not even 10 minutes of being there, Kile came over and told me Richard was in the building. Then two minutes after that Bobby did the same thing. It's nice to know I have friends that look out for me. As we walked to the other side of the room I could see Richard watching me. I felt safe because I was surrounded by my posse.
Later on James and Sean went outside to smoke and Richard happened to be there. He made an attempt to talk to James and James told him it was in his best interest to stay away from him. James is like the Vice President of the "We Hate Richard Club!" I can't believe he even had the nerve to talk to James. Apparently Richard had met a girl outside at one point and she said, "It was a pleasure meeting you Richard!" James overheard this and chimed in, "You'll regret it later!" and then walked back inside. That's my boy!
On the dance floor we intentionally danced by Richard and the date he brought who was wearing Freddy Krueger hand me downs. Kevin pushed Sean into them a few times and whispered into my ear, "I can't stop staring at how bad his teeth are!" Richard didn't even attempt to talk to me. I think he is scared as he should be. If we were alone on a balcony I'd push him off it. There's a villain in every story and you know what happens to them at the end? ... They die! And if there's a sequel... They die AGAIN! I play the lead role, this bitch ain't getting killed off!

Lust- is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

Why we do it: Oh, please because we are huge skanks that just want to bust a nut. After the Takeover Kevin, James, Sean and myself went back to James and Sean's house for after bar snacks. I of course not being drunk enough made another drink. I've been told when I get uber wasted I start to speak in tongues and it appears as if my head would rotate around. It must be that evil ginger in me. After eating some pizza James and Sean went to bed. Kevin told me he was going home. He said I actually growled at him when he said that. Kevin lied to me he didn't go home. I didn't find out the truth till the next day while we were on the train together heading into Philly. He thought I'd be least likely to yell at him in public. Instead of going home he went to Harold's house (whom lives down the street from James and Sean's) because he was having an after party there. As soon as Kevin told me that, I knew he went there to see his ex and I knew they hooked up again! I could see the guilt on Kevin's face. Though I believe it to be the guilt of lying to me not for what he did with The Ex.

I basically told Kevin that he is having an affair because The Ex has no plans to leave the guy he has been with for years. If this was a straight relationship Kevin would be the other woman! This is turning into a never ending cycle. I hate how he disrespects himself so much and just keeps letting this occur. Kevin is giving The Ex power because he keeps giving into him. I told him I was disappointed in him for his actions and I'd rather have him hook up with a stranger than to keep going down this roller-coaster. Kevin said, "Disappointed? Whaaa that's the worst ever! Parents say that!" Kevin said they did talk about things and I said, "Oh I'm sure into between the blow jobs."

The Ex isn't an awful guy. He is rather nice, but he is 20 years older than Kevin and at this point should know better! Kevin deserves to be someone's everything, not someone's sometime. He said he wants to remain friends with The Ex which is fine, but this friends with benefits thing is not healthy because there's feelings involved. I've seen Kevin cry over The Ex a few times. No one likes to see their best friend hurt and in pain. I know he needs to make his own mistakes (grr I mean decisions) but I can't help but feel protective of him. It angers me so much that The Ex is cheating on the guy that he refuses to leave! And Kevin is helping him cheat! Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world. Kevin is like a drug addict he needs rehab for this. I wonder if they make a patch.

Gluttony- is a desire to consume more than one requires. Such as excessive eating or drinking.

Why we do it: Because we are pigs! Overindulgence is fun. I'll drink to that!

All a board! Kevin and I were invited to spend the night in Philly with his cousin Jelissa. I dubbed her the porn name Jelicious Cox! We decided to take the train in since it would be cheaper and we wouldn't need to worry about parking in the city. When we arrived at the train station it was already dark and the inside waiting area was already closed. As we were trying to get the information for the next train we noticed a guy laying down on a bench right by the schedule sign. He yelled, "Heeeyyyy!" at me. I looked at him and said, "hey" back not thinking twice about it. He yelled, "HEYYYY!" again and this time even louder. Kevin and I knew he had to be fucked up, either on drugs or drunk and this was becoming rather creepy. We grabbed our bags and walked to the other side of the station where people get dropped off. In our attempt to avoid the creepy man we missed getting our train info. We walked around to the other side of the station this time we were in a spot where he wasn't going to be able to see us unless he got up and moved. I sat my bags on a bench and read the schedule information that was posted on the window directly above the bench I had my bags on. The man screams, "HEEEEYYYYY!" really loudly this time. He must have heard us and in an effort to get up he rolls off the bench and face plants on the hard concrete. You could hear the smack of his skin as he landed. He lifts his head up and looks over at us standing off to the side. Kevin tugs on my coat and runs to the other side as I'm still trying to gather up my bags! Some great protector he is!

"Omg I wonder if he's dead!?" Kevin said over dramatically. "I think he is ok. Just got the wind knocked out of him. He looked over at us as we ran away." I laughed as I said it. This shit only happens to us! We stayed on other side cuddled in the corner. The side the creepy man was on was quiet now. A cop car pulled up and slowed down as he drove passed us. We saw him drive around to the other side where the creepy man was. I said, "He's gonna get arrested just wait!" About ten minutes pass and the cop car drives passed us again this time we notice the creepy man in the back of the car. Kevin and I look at each and started laughing.

With no fear now, we walked to the other side again to wait for our train. At the bench the creepy man was on there was a brown bag and an empty bottle of Smirnoff Vodka. "Well that explains why he was so fucked up." I said. I looked over and could see something black under the bench. "What's that Kev?" I said as I reached under the bench and grabbed it. "Omg! It's his BlackBerry!" Without even skipping a beat or thinking about it Kevin said, "Let's look through it!"

Looking through a stranger's phone actually made the time fly by. We first glanced at his texts which were from some random girls. Some he didn't even know their names. One was labeled as 'Rich King of Prussia Girl.' We found a folder that had all his pictures and discovered the creepy man was a freak. He of course had pics of naked girls but he had nude pics of himself as well. He had a freaking nice body and an enormous uncut cock! The creepy guy was rather good looking and as we scrolled through the pics we discovered he liked to jack off into ladies underwear. He also had random pics of a little boy which we assumed was his son or at least we hoped. He also had pictures of other naked guys which told us maybe he was bi. Kevin said, "Omg he's hot I'd fuck him." I replied, "Of course you would your standards are low."
We watched his videos. He had a couple vids of the same little boy at the zoo and playing with sparklers, he was his son. He also had videos of a girl giving him head and she could barely fit his cock in her mouth.

There was a video where he was titty fucking a girl with National Geographic boobs and another where she gave him a hand job. We went through his phone apps and discovered he had Facebook. I went on his Facebook profile and his name was Paul Siriani! So Paul if you happen to see this make sure you always have your phone locked so creepers like us can't go through it. Make this a lesson to everyone! Always lock your phone with a password. Good thing Kevin and I are nice we could have done major damage. We left his phone on a window by the bench and boarded the train. Kevin and I would have felt bad if we would have taken it even though everyone we texted about it, said "take it!!"

We arrived in Philly in good time and headed to Jelissa's apartment. Our friend Lola met us there, she brought with her a pretty blonde girl whom she had just met but totally bonded with, and Jelissa's best friend Sue. After some drinks made with Chambord, drama with Jelissa's sister (I guess the over dramatics runs in Kevin's family) it was her birthday and she was having a Mariah Carey meltdown, it was time to head out to the bars. Jelissa, Sue, Kevin and I were off. Lola and her friend left early because Lola hurt her back some how. We went to Woody's first because it was directly across the street from Jelissa's apartment. How easy is that!?

Woody's was packed! We all got Redbull and vodka and people watched. Lots of hot guys. I had texted Knockers to let him know we were in the city, but as usual he has to make his grand entrance. He'd be late to his own funeral. We stood by a window waiting for him and noticed a drunk Asian chick on the floor surrounded by her Ninja posse. They got up and left, but left their drinks up against the window on the floor. Who does that? We ran into Steve and Bill for a few minutes until they disappeared upstairs. My guess, they were on the hunt for a third.

After Sue's second drink (at the bar, I don't know how many she had at the apartment) she really loosened up. She danced all over and smiled at the gay guys. Even kissed Kevin a little bit and told me I smelt good enough to eat. This had hot mess written all over it. In Sue's flailing (dancing) we managed to knock over the glasses the Asian's left behind on the floor by the window. I bent down to pick them up and smelt vomit and saw chunks. They had thrown up in the glasses! Jelissa covered her mouth and darted thru the sea of hot gay men. She said, "I'm so sorry I have a horrible gag reflex! And all I can smell is vomit!" One of the gay guys smiled at her and said, "It's ok we can help you with the gag reflex." Poor Jelissa looked like she was gonna barf and she kept saying "I can still smell it!" Even though we were 30 feet away from it in a crowd of sweaty guys. I said, "Quick smell my armpits they smell good." With no hesitation at all Jelissa sniffed away and then Sue joined in. They said my armpits smelt good. Ha! It appears our overindulgence in alcohol has started and clouded our judgement.

Greed- is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring everything and everyone else. All that matters is status and power

Why we do it: Because money makes the world go around. We are all greedy mother fuckers. Whoever said money doesn't equal happiness obvious has none. It may not make you feel happy all the time but it makes everything easier.

  We ended up meeting Knockers at Tavern on Camac. He pretty much attacked us as Kevin and I walked upstairs. Knock grabbed my ass kissed me on the cheek and dragged us over to the bar. He asked everyone what we wanted our Grey Goose mixed with. We all said Redbull. Knockers made this disgusted look and ordered for us. I knew what he was doing. The girls started to pull our their money and Knock gestured to them to put it away. He ordered everyone Grey Goose on the rocks. I looked at Kevin and said, "I knew he was gonna do that!" Knocker's said, "Sorry I don't mix GG with any shit. You drink it straight." We laughed at Knock because while he bought us all Grey Goose he was sipping out of a Redbull can! He said he needed to sober up for the drive home. Jelissa said, "I love him! I'd follow him around all night if he kept buying us Grey Goose!" Then she continued to sip on her vodka. Kevin took a sip and said, "It's burning my insides!" He isn't used to drinking plain vodka as where I am a pro. I said, "That's just it cleansing your soul. Drink more you need it." After his 5th sip he said, "This is pretty good!" and when he tried to take a 6th sip he couldn't find the straw with his tongue.

Ordering top shelf liquor is like showing status for Knockers. I wouldn't call him money hungry greedy. He does things to maintain the status that he was born into. He doesn't chase it but if you could have the best of everything wouldn't you? He is the type of friend that wouldn't give you the shirt off his back, he'd just go out and buy you one! He is one of my favorite people to hang out with because he does what he does, says what he says and doesn't give a shit. He is very generous and loyal to his friends as well. Knock grabbed me by the crotch and yanked me out to the dance floor I had to follow he had me by the peen and we all danced for a bit.

The girls left to find the bathroom. Knockers was dragged away by his friends and said he'd text me when they got to another bar. We all went downstairs to the piano bar so the girls could finish their drinks. They aren't cum guzzlers like Kevin and I it takes them longer. At this point Sue was wasted. She grabbed Kevin and kissed him. He pretty much skull fucked her with his tongue. The image still haunts me! She told him she wants him to eat her out. Ewww!!!!! She kept going back for more Kevin tongue and I said, "Kev she's engaged! Her man is gonna be pissed!" He said, "I know I have a problem!!" Once Jelissa opened her mouth to sing I knew it was time to exit the bar!

Knockers told me to head back to Woody's but by the time we got there they were gone. His friends dragged him to iHop. I texted him and said, "Bitch! You left without saying goodbye!" He replied, "I'm eating." I said, "Yeah! Everything but me!" He laughed. I told him next time he has to stop with the cameo appearances. He deserves a leading role. In typical Knock response, "I prefer cameos to leading roles. It always keeps them wanting more." He is right we do! Knock said he'd try to come up and visit soon. I'm going to hold him to that!

Woody's still had a decent crowd and because we hadn't had enough we drank more good thing Jelissa only lives across the street. As we waited in line for the bathroom Sue met a girl that was out with her gay friend. I chatted with him for a bit. He said she was lesbian and asked if Sue was. I said, "No actually she's engaged to be married. See the big rock on her finger?" He looked and said, "I don't know I think they are making out like any minute." As soon as the words left his mouth Sue's mouth was on the lesbian. Kevin had just gotten back from peeing with a black girl and we looked at each other and said, "Les-b-honest she a ho!" The goose made her loose! She was becoming the poster child for herpes. They continued to make out for a half hour till Sue wasn't feeling well and Jelissa took her to the bathroom. As Kevin and I waited we got more drinks.

Sloth- is the avoidance of physical work. Lazy.

Why we do it: Because after we commit all the other sins we become lazy and we're good fer nuthin' couch potatoes!

After walking drunk Sue home it was time to call it a night. We got pizza down the street which Kevin dropped the cheese part down on Jelissa's carpet and then picked it up and ate like nothing happened at least it didn't fall on the ground THIS TIME. We went to bed around 4am and I awoke the next morning with the sun shining in my eyes and Kevin farting in my face. Yeah, that's hot. I'm lucky I don't have pink eye. Jelissa, Kevin and I were so hungover. Water, Advil, Coffee and repeat! Jelissa had a flight to catch at 3 and she said Kevin and I could use her apartment if we wanted to go out and leave our stuff here. We visited Jelissa's sister (Kevin's other cousin) at her work. She's a waitress at King Oaks where we had brunch and drank Bloody Mary's and Mimosas till our headaches went away. We ended up getting home around 5:30 and boy was I exhausted. All that sinful fun left me spent.

Pride- is an excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of everything else in the world. The only thing that matters in the world is you. You are in love with yourself. This is the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Why we do it: Loving mothers told us to believe in ourselves and said we were beautiful everyday.

  Over the weekend I met a few gay boys that pretty much thought their shit didn't stink. Of course all of them were young and pretty. Sometimes I feel like to be gay is to think you are above everyone else, but there's a difference between confidence and cocky. Confidence is sexy but cockiness isn't it. There's a reason why having too much pride in yourself can lead to the other so called sins. If all you care about is yourself then of course you'd indulge in gluttoness activities, give into your bodily sexual urges, and do anything to get ahead in life. Remember everything in moderation. Being sinful is fun sometimes but you can't live that way forever. Other people and other things you care about have to eventually come first. Only then will you have balance. So get on your knees bitch and confess me your sins. Hey, I never said I was an angel.