Advice: FWB Turned Sour

Dear J,
How do you be friends with someone whom is gay, that you had a sexual experience with, but found there was no sexual gratification in it for you, but you still love them like a brother? How do you stop them from being vindictive and mean? I'm a sensitive male, but I am straight. I was abused as a young kid and I have bad flashbacks. I have a lot of gay friends I'm comfortable with around me. But things are weird now with my best friend because of what happened. I do love him. I'm just not gay.
-Anonymous


Dear Sensitive Straighty,
As you can see sex and friendship doesn't always mix. It's never ever a good idea to go down that road with your friend unless you both have mutual feelings for one another or have some kind of NSA/FWB arrangement. Someone always ends up getting hurt and in this case it's the both of you.

The first thing you really need to do is talk to your best friend. I would avoid the phrasing "I didnt have any sexual gratification from our hook up." that is just gonna make your best friend feel like shit. Like a used up cum rag! Nothing can wreck someone's self esteem quicker. Also avoid the word "mistake" because in his eyes it probably didn't feel that way. You need to tell him you value your friendship with him and that you do love him. But you just want to stay friends and the sex shouldn't happen again. Even saying that will feel like daggers stabbing his heart. If he is being vindictive and mean that is because he is hurt. You hurt him by rejecting him. Gay guys can be mean if they are hurt and trust me we aren't afraid to hit below the belt! He may need time to get over it. So talk to him, apologize the best you can and give him some space. True friends can always work stuff out. Remember actions speak louder than words, so showing some type of remorseful gesture will help.

The second thing I want you to do is to think about why this happened in the first place? Were you confused about your own sexuality and needed to test it? Were you thinking that maybe a relationship with your best friend would work and then when it actually happened you realized for sure you're straight? You need to figure this out, so something like this doesn't happen again. My best friend Kevin would say, "most straight guys would fuck anything, a warm hole, is a warm hole!" But if you are truly sensitive like you stated then this probably isn't the case. So why did you hook up with your best friend? If you feel it may be because of the abuse you received as a child then perhaps you should seek professional help from a therapist. They can uncover those underlying issues and hopefully help you out. And if you still really aren't sure about your sexuality just remember the anus has 8 more working muscles and is 4 degrees warmer than the vagina... Just saying.

Make good decisions,
J


Need Advice?

Dating Profile Pet Peeves

They say that 80% of all relationships form now online. I believe it! Over the years I've seen the growth in online gay dating sites and now dating apps right on your smart phone. Most gay men today use these sites to either meet that special someone, meet friends, hookups, networking, and just to chat. Checking your messages on these sites have now become as common as checking your email. It's an everyday thing.
I use the term "gay dating sites" loosely because most gay men don't even know what real dating is! They use the term "dating" as a another word for hooking up and nothing more. With sites like Manhunt, Adam4Adam and Gay.com discreetly meeting men has become relatively easy. With smart phone apps like Grindr and Jack'd, technology has put gaydar right in your pocket.

Grindr has lead the way it is the largest all male location-based mobile network tool for Android, iPhone, iPod touch, iPad and BlackBerry! Unlike traditional website for dating or social networking, Grindr and Jack'd are meant to be mobile. They use the GPS technology in your mobile device to instantly locate guys in your area. Sounds a little scary doesn't it? Especially when it says that someone is 5 feet away from you. It makes stalking someone a hell of a lot easier! You call it stalking, I call it intense research on a certain individual. These smart phone apps have replaced the personal hello with private messaging someone whom may only be a couple feet away from you. Guys use it to "break the ice." Hellos have been replaced with dick pics and "you're hot" greetings.

For whatever reason you use gay dating sites or apps there should be a form of etiquette to follow. I've chatted/interviewed people and these are their biggest dating profile pet peeves.

  •A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words
It's 2011 people if you don't have a picture in your profile, what's wrong with you!? Knockers says "Nothings annoys me more if they don't have a face pic or any pic for that matter!" If you're using a mobile app there's a freaking camera attached to your phone! Not having a picture is not an excuse anymore.

I know there are times when you don't want to show your face, that's why there's always a sea of headless torsos, but it's polite to at least send or unlock a photo if you're interested in someone. Another pet peeve I find so annoying is when someone asks for a face pic and they don't even have one posted or it's just a body shot. Don't ask for a picture unless you send one first.

Having recent photos is always best. I personally say don't use a photo that is more than few years old. When you do actually plan to meet up you wouldn't like a guy showing up at your door looking nothing like his photo and neither does your potential date. Always, ALWAYS use a picture of yourself. No fakes, please.

  •I'm Just Looking For Friends, Wanna Fuck?
We've all seen this before. You ask someone what they are looking for exactly and they say, "just friends" and then they try to remove your underwear with their teeth. I don't know about you, but I don't play like that with my friends. A common phrase is "I don't just hookup." or "I really don't hook up." Many guys love to say they never hookup, some actually don't, but some by the end of the first date they are often doing just that with their legs up in the air and a smile on their face. Kile said he can't stand when profiles say "Looking for a long term relationships or friendships," Then sending a message like, "Let me suck your dick!" Be honest with what you are looking for. If you want friends, fine. If you're looking for a relationship, fine. If you're a slutty male escort with a huge cock, fine. If you wanna bump uglies behind Red Robin, fine. Just be honest on your profile and with yourself.

•Listing All The Things I Don't Want And All The Things I Do. We all have preferences yes, but when does it go too far? Out of all the pet peeves this one has everyone's panties twisted. Too many people are focused on what they think their ideal partner, friend or hookup should be, they let potentially awesome guys slip away because they don't fit their citeria of hot. Tristan agrees, "I get irritated when they use any part of the limited space in a profile to exclude people and be rude. "Nobody over 40! No black guys!" and the like. Sorry kid, you don't get enough email to require a personal assistant. Get over yourself and realize that you've shut off a potentially very big group of interesting people. The one that I guess does bug me is the vague negative, ie "Get away disgusting old guys." Only because the definition of old is VERY vague. So if I'm any older than you at all, I'm not gonna bother saying hi." Which I have to add is a shame because Tristan is one of nicest and most respectful people I know. He is a gem in a beach full of sand.

Douchebagsofgrindr.com

One of my Twitter followers stated, "I hate when guys just put what they're NOT looking for, and the list is really long. Judgemental much?!" Bobby feels the same way and adds, "When guys put no Fats/Fems" it annoys me because they are already starting out on a negative note, like they are better then these people! They are putting it right out there, and doing it in a derogatory manner. I also hate the "Be Masc" guess what boys? You're looking to have sex with/date/cuddle/kiss a guy, some people might not consider that overly masculine!" Bobby's right that's not really "straight acting" is it? When a gay guy tells me he is "straight acting" I always say, "so you suck dick and pretend to hate it? I never went to that acting school."
Douchebagsofgrindr.com

This pet peeve is so popular that it even fueled the creation of the site www.douchebagsofgrindr.com, where you can find "All your douchebag needs from the profiles of Grindr." The site features profiles of guys from Grindr being complete assholes. From guys being racists to arrogant they all are featured here.
Douchebagsofgrindr.com

I don't know which is more entertaining the profiles from Grindr itself or the comments people leave for the douchebags. Either way there is a lesson to be learned from this website. There's enough bigots out there. Why as an LGBT community must we behave this way amongst ourselves? Don't we receive enough hate from the world? You can say what you are looking for without being a douchebag.
•Age is Just A Number, Right?
If people say you look 23, but you're really 33, guess what honey you're not 23! Don't lie about your age. No one wants to be lied to. Just be honest. If the Twink thinks you are too old, then they are missing out on a great opportunity. It is totally their loss! If you're chasing after someone whom is extremely younger than you perhaps there are bigger issues at play here. Sometimes older men feel the need to lie about their age because:
1) They have a fear of getting older and want to remain that Peter Pan playing with his lost boys forever.
2) They feel that the younger gay men won't be into them ie "No old disgusting guys!" so they lie about their age to make themselves more appealing.

I am a firm believer in "age is just a number" to a point! If you are just looking for a friend or a hookup then who really cares how old the person is. My biggest pet peeve is when older gay men continuously chase after younger gay men for relationships. The younger guy hasn't even experienced life yet and you want to tie him down because that's what you're into. No wonder it doesn't work out or he isn't interested. It's extremely common for guys in their 40's to chase after the gay Twink crowd 18-23. You're old enough to be their father and yet you're shocked when it doesn't work out? I believe in the 10 year rule. I'm 32 so I usually won't date anyone younger than 22 or older than 42. Of course there's always exceptions to this rule. Don't let an awesome guy slip away. It's just a guideline I use, but I'll never put in my profiles "no oldies" it's rude. I have friends of all ages. But in terms of dating, I feel anyone ten years older or younger than me will not have things in common with me. If you're 40 chasing only after 20 year olds wondering why you aren't having any luck, perhaps it is time you wake up and smell the hemorrhoid cream, because chances are, that 20 year old doesn't need it.

  •Skanks, Sluts, And Whores
Gay dating sites can be very frustrating for those guys that truly want to meet someone worth wild. A Twitter follower states, "Gay men never seem to wanna settle, just hookup." I told him to hang in there and not everyone is like that, but I feel his pain. Most dating sites have become easier ways to find guys to hookup with. Like Bobby says, "Why do so many have that Pinocchio complex they all want no strings attached." For those of you that just want to use these sites for hooking up, that's fine. But don't be nasty to the ones that turn you down or continue to harass them after they have said no.

Kevin hates it when guys on apps like Grindr don't even start up a normal conversation they just ask for sex or send dick pics right away. Kevin said, "You know me, I'm known to be a complete asshole to the skanks!" I know what you're thinking hello pot, meet kettle, but even Kevin would like a normal conservation and at least an introduction first before licking your balls with his huge tongue. I told Kevin, "You are just threatened and don't want to be out skanked!" He laughed. Knockers states, "I know most use it for hooking up, but when u get a message like "when are you free?" it's really annoying." Again it all comes down to being honest with what you are looking for. If you're just looking for hookups clearly state that in your profile. If you want something serious or just friends clearly state that. And for all you hookeruppers if you see on someone's profile they aren't into hookups then why are you messaging them asking for it in the first place?

•Be RespectfulYou'll be surprised on how far politeness will actually get you, whether it's just chatting or meeting for the first time. Apparently a huge pet peeve is the "no response." Picture it, you see the man of your dreams on Adam4Adam. You can totally picture buying some cats and furniture from ikea together. His profile is perfect. He is into bondage and latex too! You private message him and get no response at all. Maybe he is um tied up, but most likely he just ignored you. Dylan said, "I can't stand it when guys just delete a message without replying back. Just say you aren't interested." Bobby says he sees this all the time and it's one of his biggest pet peeves. "When their profile reads 'Say something more than "Hi" or "Hey", be original"... Most of the men on these sites see a message from someone and without thinking twice they close/delete the message like it never happened. I refuse to put any effort into an opening greeting when chances are, they are just going to ignorantly close the message as soon as they feel my picture isn't deemed worthy of their time. If its too much trouble for a guy to say "hello" back to me then he has probably saved us both time and energy because I wouldn't be interested in a guy who starts out on that foot."

•I Have A Boyfriend
If you're in a monogamous loving relationship then why do you have a profile on a dating site? Unless you're in an open relationship or looking for a third to join in with you and your hunny, you shouldn't be on a gay dating site. I have seen and know for a fact that these sites create nothing but problems for so called happy couples! They can create drama where there doesn't need to be drama. Why are you going to risk your relationship just to chat with the jockboy who is hung like horse? I've seen relationships form because of gay dating sites, but I have also seen relationships destroyed because of them. These sites are suppose to mainly cater towards single men. I hate when they use the excuse that they are just looking for friends. If that's the case then I believe Facebook would be a better option for you. At least there you can't send dick pics back and forth to each other. So I urge you, if you are truly happy in your relationship delete all your dating site profiles. If your partner doesn't know about them, he will. If you don't think he won't find out about the conversations you've had or the activities you've done on the sites, he will. Either he will find out on his own or someone you've been talking too will tell him. Some people love to create problems for people in relationships don't give them the ammo.

•Have FunApps like Grindr were created to be fun and provide a way to meet new and interesting people easier. So with that being said, have fun with it! For whatever reason you use gay dating sites that's really your prerogative. They may not lead to the love of your life, or even a hookup, but you may find a friend or someone interesting to talk too. Remember to always play safe if you meet and use your head not your penis. Bad decisions today could lead to heartbreak and regret tomorrow.

So what do you do when you actually get that first date? Check out the post Dating Etiquette for more tips.

Touched For The Very First Time

Below is a collection of first time gay sexual experiences.

Kevin's story:
"My first gay experience came a couple weeks after my High School graduation. Some kid from my class had a roommate he lived with in Bethlehem. It just so happened that his roommate was gay. This kid then set us up on a date. The gay roommate was black, and he was one of the first other gay people I had ever met. I took a chance and went to his place. I didn't have a car yet so my mom had to drive me there. Anyway we walked around town for a while then we went back to his place and started watching Will and Grace. I had never seen it before. As we watched TV he makes his moves and I give in of course. Next thing you know we are 69ing on his bed! He continued to give me head and I finally blew my load in his mouth. He wasn't a swallower, so he spit it into a can, in which he also kept his change in. Whatever happened with that change I don't know.

I call my mom who is on her way to pick me up and before I leave he throws me on the bed, pulls down my pants and just goes to town again!!! It was an experience I will never forget and the only black guy I was ever with."

  Bobby's story:
"When I was 17 I had just joined one of the online gay dating/hookup sites. I was working at a local grocery store at the time. One guy, a few years older than me had seen me cashiering there, and then messaged me online. He began to talk to me for about 2 months online. I started to recognize him when he came food shopping and even began speaking with him in person when he started coming through my checkout line.

Soon after we started speaking in person. He invited me over to his place one night after I got out of work. His parents were out of town and he knew I had absolutely no experience with guys (and being a gold star gay, no experience with girls either!), it wasnt a date. I was going for the pure reason to hookup with him. I was so nervous because I had to tell my mom some made up story about where I was going after work. I went to his house and I was shaking the entire time, even when we were sitting on the couch. He put his head on my chest/shoulder he could hear my heart pounding. Soon I was making out with him, and feeling him all over, clothes were coming off at this point. The one problem that I clearly remember is that we both wanted to do things to the other one more than getting things done to us (both givers, what can I tell you). So we kept pulling each other off of one another. He was very well hung so naturally I was drawn to it the entire time we were hooking up.

To this day he was probably the best head I have ever recieved, he had very pouty lips (very similair to mine, which I know contributed to his amazing ability). I was very nervous and couldn't hold out as long as I wanted too. He shot soon after me and I was exhausted from my new and exciting experience.

When all was said and done, I have to admit, I didnt really like it (at first). I think because it was all so new and I had no idea what I was doing. But I will never forget my first time. I hooked up with him now and then over the years, but very sporadically and we still keep in touch a little to this day."

  George's story:
"My first gay sexual experience occurred in college. I was a junior, and the guy I was dating was a freshman. We were each other's first (of any gender). Everything was a progressive step forward. We never got as far as home plate on the base pads, we got to 3rd base. You know, I don't even know how the bases are allocated for the gays. I guess it goes: french, jerk off, suck, fuck Anyway, I'm digressing.
Each night we were together our hands ventured further down the bodies until "oops, I found a penis". He always made the first move, he was the first one to reach his hands into unknown territory. I of course let him. Who was I to argue. This all happened in a dorm room, where I was one of the Resident Assistants, so at any moment my door could be knocked on or the phone could ring (which actually happened once).
He was out like a fat kid playing dodgeball, whereas I was still pretty much in the closet, minus telling a very few select friends. So each time hands ventured into mysterious places. It was all intimate, and comfortable. And I think it helped that we both had no idea what we were doing, we both learned together. "Don't worry I've done this before" was not part of the conversation. One night we ventured down there, and I don't remember if juices flew or not, but at least we got a look at the goods. Then another night it was 2nd base, each of us jerked the other one off. He was kinda picky with cum, he wouldn't swallow. Me, haha, I have no problem swallowing! Then of course the next night we were together we went down on each other, made each other cum, of course he didn't swallow, but it was very affectionate. Later experiences, we tried different positions, nothing terribly kinky, but it was great to explore with someone, and it meant even more knowing he was exploring too.

Now the first anal experience I had, wasn't that. Remember those M4M chat rooms on AOL back in the day? I met a guy on there, and went to his place. First night we only did oral, I had NO idea about anal sex. Didn't know how to prepare, totally oblivious to it. He wanted to fuck me, but I said no, and he was cool with that. I was 22 at the time, and he was 29. I can't quite remember what I did to prep myself for getting fucked. I pretty much determined that I'd be a bottom. I've topped for 2 people ever, the rest on the receiving end. But I did a couple of things to "get ready" for the act, and it seemed to work, and still use it to this day.

Tuesday nights were the unofficial "gay night" at The Ugly Oyster in Reading, and I ventured out quite a bit. So I was at the bar and the same guy I hooked up with was there, and I eyed him from the other side of the bar. Blah blah blah he mouthed that "I'm gonna go [home]" and I followed him out of the bar into the parking lot. He asked if I wanted to come over and "hang out", so I followed him home. Obviously we did more than listen to records, and I let him fuck me. BIG mistake!!! Why? Cuz he was HUGE. Probably about 9 inches, and thick. I know it hurt going in, and of course I had to pick the guy that could go hours before cumming. And he did! Might I say BEST SEX EVER!!! But the next day, I could barely walk, and every time I coughed my insides hurt. Even when I pissed it hurt. I thought I was gonna die. But I got with him about 4 more times after that, still the BEST SEX EVER!!"

Derek's story:"This is the very awkward story of how I lost my innocence! One night at a local bar I was just hanging out with some friends having a gin and tonic. It was the summer of 2009 and I had just graduated college. Pretty carefree and single I was looking at some eye candy.

I was talking to this one guy who found me interesting, but I cannot say I returned the interest. So as the night goes on people begin to exit the bar and my friends decide they want to leave. At this time it's about midnight and I convince them to have one more drink before we depart. Right when I convince these gents to stay, the clouds open and god smiled...well at least I thought she did...

We ordered our drinks and then this older gentleman comes up to me (probably about 35) and tells me that although he thinks I am adorable, his friend has been eyeing me up all night! He said he was shy and he wanted to meet me. So I told him I would go to the bathroom and then he could introduce me to his friend. Of course I went to freshen up and then when I came out this gorgeous man in his mid thirties was shaking my hand and was completely into me. I was floored! He was well built, in great shape, and had a touch of salt and pepper in his hair. We talked and exchanged numbers that night. When I returned to my car he asked me to meet him at his apartment to hangout, but I told him it was too late and I wasn't that kind of gurl. I suggested a movie night and dinner. He then invited me over the next day.

What happened next is one of the most embarrassing and shameful moments I have had in my entire gay experience. I drove over with the anticipation of having a date and left wounded and full of regret!
When I arrived I should have known something was going to happen. I was escorted up to his apartment and he was so full of compliments that he had me in the palm of his hand. His apartment was pretty barren and he said it was because he had just moved here. If we wanted to watch a movie I was told we would have to watch it in his bedroom. I was swooning and cannot even tell you what movie we watched. We started cuddling and making out almost immediately! What happened next still shocks me.

In what felt like one quick swoop, all of my clothes were off and we were lying on his bed. Things got very hot and heavy! He suggested that I close my eyes and when I did I was handcuffed to the bed. The feeling of pleasure left my body and I was filled with extreme dread and regret! I was completely in over my head!

He then began to lube up and put on a condom. I warned him that it was my first time, but even what might have felt like a full voiced warning probably came out as a meek whisper. As he forcefully entered me I began to scream, sweat, and pant in pain. I do not remember what happened during. Emotionally I think I have blocked it out and all I remember is him sliding out of me and panting next to me.

  Next he un-handcuffed me and I slumped into his bed. He exchanged some pleasantries about how enjoyable he thought it was and I forced a smile through my lips. Assuming that after that I would spend the night I laid down and began to get comfortable. He asked if I wouldn't mind going home because it was late. I got dressed in silence and excused myself. I heard from him a few days later when he asked if I would come over, I never responded.

Now that I am older I take this as a learning experience. I am very lucky that I was at least with someone who wore protection, but as a young gay male....I was a stereotype and most importantly an idiot. I want people to hear this story in the hope that they will be smart and never go home with someone they do not know. Although sex is a desire, it can also be a very intimate moment shared between two people who care about eachother! This is what I have learned and hope to teach!"


Remember no glove, no love. Be safe everyone and for god sakes make good decisions.
For my first time story please see the post Like A Virgin
If you would like to share your first time experience here please EMAIL ME or click on the blue comment link below.

Question: Is My City Slutty?

I read an article online on a gay website about America's sluttiest cities for gay men. The study was based on cities that had the most singles online that were looking for casual sex. It is said that 44% of adults have had a one-night stand and even more engage in casual sex. "If you're single, horny, and thinking about moving (or just a fun visit), you might want to consider Pittsburgh, Seattle, or Portland—and not because of American history, great coffee or indie music. According to a popular free online dating site open to straight, gay, and bi users, those are the top cities in the U.S. where people are seeking casual sex."

I was very surprised that the top ten promiscuous cities didn't include: Las Vegas, New York, Los Angeles, Fort Lauderdale and Atlanta. Atlanta, Georgia has one of the highest STD rates in the country! I guess more people there don't say they are looking for casual sex they must use the term "dating" and change partners like they do their underwear. STDs aren't Pokemon people, you're not supposed to catch em all.

One website "awarded the cities by the percentage of users who list 'Casual Sex' as one of the relationship types they seek (and then correlated that back to where said naughty user is from)."
The complete top ten list of the sluttiest cities in America (drum roll please!)
10. Houston, Texas- Everything is suppose to be bigger in Texas.
9. San Diego, California- Come see the zoo and then fuck like monkeys.
8. Denver, Colorado- This city is nicknamed "The Mile-High City" (about a mile above sea level) Maybe the higher elevation makes people hornier.
7. San Bernardino, California- Has anyone outside of California even heard of San Bernadino?
6. Dallas, Texas- Apparently "save a horse, ride a cowboy" is an activity Texans use since Texas is the second sluttiest state on this list.
5. San Francisco, California- This actually is no surprise with their huge gay population. Everyone is looking for that "San Francisco treat" or is it trick? California is on this list 3 times! Apparently it's the sluttiest of all states!
4. Miami, Florida- with those barely there swimsuits and those bodies I'd be shocked if this wasn't on the list! Tan cum gutters.
3. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania- PA is actually my state. I am shocked to see Pittsburg on this list and number 3! I would have thought that Philadelphia would have beaten Pittsburg. I have been to Pittsburg a few times. In fact back in the day I went to my very first gay bar there called Pegasus. I got hit on a lot. Hmmm.
2. Seattle, Washington- I guess since it rains a lot the only thing left to do is get it on?
1. Portland, Oregon- I've heard the state of Oregon is very beautiful maybe the scenery is what puts people in the mood. They must greet people with handy-Js since this is number 1!

Question: The singles in these cities apparently are willing to help a guy in need! Now that you know which cities are the sluttiest where are you from? Would you ever visit any of the cities listed above? If you've been to the cities listed above what was your experience while you were there?
Click on the blue comment link to submit your answer.

No Strings Attached!

NSA or No Strings Attached seems to be a popular topic lately. Is it possible to have no strings attached sex without having any emotional connection? What if your NSA partner is actually a friend. Can the friend with benefits work? I've picked apart some of my friend's brains cause I wanted their opinion on this. (My dirty little freaks) Most 'gay men' (because we are men for the most part) can separate their emotions from sex. On websites like Manhunt, Grindr, and Adam 4 Adam, it's very common to see profiles that say, "Looking for NSA fun!" One night stands are as common as a queen screaming, "Heyyyyy Gurl!!"

No strings attached is exactly that; you meet, get off, and go your separate ways. "It's a very emotionless interaction for what's supposed to be a very passionate act." Sometimes there's talking before or after. Most times it's just casual conversation like, "How bout them Steelers" or "Don't worry it's not a cold sore," "You like flavored lube?" It should be 'anti-getting-to-know-you' type talk. If you wanna stay emotionless the best way to do that is to know very little about the person, right? Sometimes they're rules or boundaries set; like cuddling or kissing. A lot of people find kissing during sex to be a intimate action. (Kevin, whom puts everything in his mouth and makes out with everyone, I doubt finds kissing intimate. I swear it's how he says hello. Haha) Like exchanging bodily fluids isn't intimate? Pearl necklace anyone? But to each their own.

Things could go so well with your NSA partner that the two of decided to do it again. Like every time that urge hits you, you have someone to relieve the pressure. It's like craving a Big Mac, you can order off the dollar menu, but emotions and a relationship are a value meal, you don't have enough money for that. In the rare occasion there's actually enough blood to sustain your brain and "Mr. Winky" your mind could start to wander if there's actually something more there. Like maybe you felt that kiss was alittle passionate or as he is licking your balls you think wow he would be a good husband! Or it could be the way he contorts your legs like Gumpy maybe you could get used to this Pokey. This is where your emotionless tryst can take on a new life of it's own and feelings start to develop. Now in many instances this could end badly! You could have feelings for him, but he could have as much feeling for you as he does for his blow up doll and vice versa. So what do you do? How do you turn your brain off and go back to meaningless sex? Because now all you can think about is the possibility and what ifs. Once the emotion trickles in it's impossible to go back. You might as well order that Big Mac cause you're fucked! (who cares if you're fat now)

Sometimes that NSA arrangement can eventually turn into something like friends with benefits. This normally doesn't last long and very seldom ends well. Friends with benefits or FWB usually consists of someone whom you have a mutual liking for. This person is always there for you in a sexual way but usually not in a emotional way. They're advantages of friends with benefits like; always having a date, if nobody else is available you know you got someone to pound your ass, but it's a bit unhealthy. At some point, one of you will find somebody to be with, and that FWB will have to end to start the other relationship. When I asked Bobby if he thought it was possible to have a friend with benefits without developing emotions and ruining friendships he said, "No it isn't possible. There is competition if you like the same guy. And jealousy if one of them likes another person. So no way, they may work for a little, but there is ALWAYS and expiration date." There is always the possibility of your FWB turning into a rewarding, emotionally fulfilled, satisfying can't live without you relationship, (fuck you) happy ending! If that's the case buy yourselves some kittens and Celine Dion CDs and may you live happily ever after. (I seriously just puked a little!)

For some reason some gay friendships are established through the FWB scenario. Like getting to know someone has been replaced with, let me put my penis in you and once that urge is gone we can be friends. I know quite a few people that use this method to make friends. They have sex once and it's out of their system and a friendship develops. Whatever happened to a handshake?? Apparently it's been replaced with a handjob!

George advises, "If you're looking for a husband, the normal thing to do is talk, meet, have a date or two, develop a mutual liking and connection between each other, and take the next step from there to sex. But wait, we're queer, we're not normal. We think with our dick and wanna fuck the first time!" George is right! That's why there's this "69" Degrees of Kevin Bacon! Everyone knows someone in their circle of gay friends whose hooked up! In a way it's almost like we've all slept together! (Hello Jersey Shore!) Knockers opinion on the whole NSA fun thing is, "I don't think it's impossible. You just have to be good at seperating emotions. I can't do that." Him and I actually have a lot in common. I can't separate my emotions from sex. I wouldn't even be able to enjoy it without an emotional connection. I need that passion. I crave that spark. If a NSA arrangement is your thing for whatever reason please just do yourself and everyone else a favor, wear a condom (no glove, no love!) and whatever you do protect your heart as well. Like an STD, emotions and feelings are hard to get rid of once you have them.





Special thank you to George for all his well written insight and contribution couldn't have written this entry without you.