How to Lose 10 Pounds in 10 Days By Bobby Bunny

​

Hey guys, you all know me from the Queer Dirty Laundry Blog as Bobby Bunny. I wanted to write a guest post about my experience of going on a juice fast for 10 days. A few months ago I saw a documentary about a man from Australia who was very over weight and has some autoimmune disorders that made him have to take steroids daily to cope with his illness. He was so tired of feeling the way he did and taking these pills on a daily basis he had a radical idea; he thought that he would give his body a chance to heal itself without medical intervention by just supplying himself with an abundance of vitamins and nutrients nature intended all of us to have from all kinds of fruits and vegetables. So he decided to go on a 2 month juice fast. Yes let me say that again a 2 MONTH JUICE FAST! Sounds a little extreme for the average person, right? Well let's remember he wasn't average; he needed a huge health makeover or a "detox". Watching his transformation along the way in the documentary was so inspiring I decided to do my own version of a juice fast. If you want to check out the documentary it's called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead."
​I don't consider myself over weight, but let's just say I wouldn't be upset if I lost a few pounds. I bought a good quality juicer, and decided to go on a 10 day juice fast. Meaning that for 10 days I would ingest nothing but juice from raw fruits and vegetables I bought from the produce department ("baby batter" doesn't count, because yes, some guy on Grindr asked the question). I was intrigued with the idea of weight loss (of course) but even if that wasn't a side effect I think I still would have done it for the overall health benefits of it!

The theory goes like this, (and after living it I can say it's not just a theory it's a fact) when on a juice fast you are supplying your body with amazing nutrients that are absorbed immediately into the body and your body doesn't have to do any work to digest them. Since your body isn't spending any energy on digesting all the food (healthy and processed) that we eat all day long it gets to put the digestive track to sleep and use all the excess energy in places that may have been over looked previously because we don't have an unlimited amount of energy to work with in terms of healing ourselves. Our body then uses that energy to clean up, heal and rejuvenate our bodies from head to toe. ​I won't lie; juicing can be time consuming and somewhat expensive. You have to go to the store at least once every three days to get fresh fruits and veggies. You must clean them, juice them and then clean the juicer. You juice 3 to 4 times a day. If you're thinking "why not just juice once and have enough for the whole day?" well let me tell you why that isn't a good idea. Once you juice, the living enzymes in the juice are now in direct contact with air and beginning to oxygenate (when apples turn brown after being cut, that's oxidation). You want to have those living enzymes in your system when as many are alive as possible. That's why it's highly recommended to drink the juice immediately. Even though its time consuming you will find you get used to the idea quickly and you aren't spending any time cooking or thinking of where you want to go to eat that night; it pretty much all equals out. I created 2 recipes of my own that I used on my fast. In the morning I made a fresh blend of 2 granny smith apples and 2 pears (delicious!) and for the other three meals I created a concoction of 2 carrots, 2 cucumbers, 2 large handfuls of spinach (sometimes replaced with kale), 4 stalks of celery, a lemon (without the rind) and a small piece of ginger root. I called this the "Green Queen."

​I began my fast with a positive attitude and motivation to do something healthy for myself. I had some doubts though because I have no will power when it comes to food (or so I thought). Day 1 went alright but day 2 hit me like a truck! The entire day I had a constant headache, I was tired, HUNGRY, and had a dull ringing in my ears. I remember thinking that I would just stop if this continued another day! When I woke up on day 3 I felt the same way, but I stuck with it. After drinking my lunch on day 3 within a half an hour it was like someone waved a magic wand! All the symptoms from day 2 just vanished! I felt great and so light on my feet. After day 3 it was pretty much smooth sailing. I was hungry but not starving, I will admit I did get bored with the same juice all the time so I would treat myself every so often with some more fruit juices (like pineapple!) just to mix it up.

​A few things I noticed while on my fast. I slept great. I was able to concentrate on work better. I felt light and as long as I didn't smell food I was very content hunger wise. I felt like I had more spare time. I went for 10 entire days without so much as a Tic Tac and never feeling bloated or guilty for bingeing. I dropped 10 lbs. in 10 days which also made me feel awesome. From what I saw on the documentary and from others who had done this on YouTube that seems to be the average amount of weight loss, meaning 1 lb. per day. Lastly (and this is going to get personal) I had the most intense orgasms ever! It was like a huge head rush! ​It's definitely a commitment and people will think you're crazy. I was called crazy, health obsessed, unhealthy, impractical and my personal favorite, while at a club after hearing I was on a detox someone I was there with said "you're an idiot" with a putrid look on his face without even bothering to ask why I was doing it or how I was going about it before judging me! People don't like what they don't understand and even with something like this that affects no one but you they still try and control the situation. I honestly urge anyone who wants a jump start into a healthier lifestyle and/or a quick boost in some weight loss to try this for 10 days. You will not regret it! I know I haven't.

If anyone has any questions about how to go about juicing, needs more details on the amount of veggies and fruit I juiced or any questions about this process in general definitely shoot me an email at bbunny2287@gmail.com. You can also follow me on twitter @BobbyBunny87. -Written by: Bobby Bunny








I am glad to see Bobby juiced something other than his cock. I wonder if all those veggies and fruits made his semen taste sweet? Hmm. Although Bobby looks fabulous, all tight in the right places and skin that is glowing as if he had an abundance of cum facials, he isn't a nutritionist or a doctor. Before starting a new nutrition plan or any diet please consult a professional. Individual results of course will vary. Everyone's body is different.

Question: How Much Is Too Much?

All over the Internet there has been this article about this 16 year old male that died from excessive masturbation. Some believe it to be true and others are saying it's a hoax. Some say he "beat himself to death!" If it's true I really feel sorry for him, he didn't even reach the prime of his life and obviously needed serious help. Here's some of the story. I wasn't able to find the original story from the Brazil newspaper if you find it please EMAIL it to me.

"A 16-year-old boy died after masturbating 42 times without stopping in Rubiato town, in Goiás region, Brazil.
His mother told a local newspaper that she already knew about his addiction and that she planned to see the doctor, but the decision came too late.
The young man began to masturbate at midnight and spent the whole night compulsively touching himself.
At school, his classmates commented on the boy's problem and some said he asked them to connect to the webcam to observe his behavior.
They further said that his attraction to women was extreme; he was attracted to all kinds of women, regardless of color, physique and age.
In his room a great amount of pornography was found, including photographs, magazines and videos of nude women that were saved on his PC."






I'd say the help "came" too late! I guess that pun was intended. I'm not exactly sure how they reached the exact number of 42 times. It's not like his mother was in there watching him. Some stated his classmates were watching and that's how they knew and others said they used this formula below to give an estimation:Estimate 7 hours x 60 = 420 minutes
420/42 = 10 minutes/time
Someone joked, "They counted all the puddles of shame or all the tissues."


Now whether this story is true or false one must ask some basic questions like how was he able to maintain an erection? Some men are able to masturbate for hours and even have several orgasms, but 42? Is that even possible? Most men have to wait for what is called a "Refractory Period." It is the period of time in men immediately following ejaculation, during which further erection or orgasm is not possible. Sometimes this period lasts anywhere from 10-30 minutes depending on the person. Now I assume since he was only 16 his Refractory Period was probably only 10 minutes between each squirt, but after so many times I would think continuing would have been painful. What about chaffing? Talk about "rubbing yourself raw!" and after so long wouldn't you just start puffing out air?

If this story is true the 16 year old boy was a sex addict. Sexual addiction is a phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behavior and affects many people. Experts believe that sexual addiction is actually a form of obsessive compulsive disorder and refer to it as sexual compulsivity. Most likely they have other obsessive disorders as well.

  We've all heard that masturbation and sex is healthy, but exactly what could happen if you take it to the extreme?

Excessive sexual stimulation can cause acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions. This immoderate amount of stimulation can result in an over-production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters like acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin, causing a considerable change in body chemistry. Your body uses a lot of energy and testosterone to make semen. The side effects of these changes in body chemistry can manifest themselves as:
Fatigue
Hair loss
Memory loss
Blurred vision
Groin/testicular pain
Seminal leakage, otherwise described as the emission of sperm from the penis without an erection, is another common problem associated with extreme masturbation. This is a sign that the nerve keeping the ejaculation valve shut is weakening because of excessive use and over-stimulation. Like I said "rubbing it raw!"
Because over-masturbation distresses liver and nervous system functions, it can also lead to sexual exhaustion (even in younger males). The 16 year old could have actually died from distress on his liver and fatigue. It's most likely he didn't just start with 42 times. From the article above it looks like he had been engaging in excessive masturbation for quite some time. All these problems could have built up until his last marathon finally sent him over the edge.

Sex addiction such as this not only creates physical problems, but may get in the way of your work and family life the same way any other addictions (like alcohol or gambling) would. If you feel you have a sex addiction please seek professional help.


Question: Do you think the above article about the 16 year old could be true? And how much is too much? Where's the line between normal sexual activity and excessive sexual activity? What's your max number of how many times you polished your knob in a single day and would you consider yourself a sex addict?Please click on the blue comment link below to leave your answers.

For more information on masturbation see the post It's All About Spanking The Monkey and the post It's All About The Banana

It's All About Spanking The Monkey

or Masturbating, Jerking Off, Stroking It, Jacking Off, Wank, Spanking It, Assault on a Friendly Weapon, Squirting Some Tadpoles, Beating Off, Making Batter, Choking The Chicken, Beating Your Meat, Blow Your Load, Polishing The Wood, Bludgeon the Beefsteak, Bopping your Bologna, Couch Hockey for One, Father Palm and His Five Friends, Devil's Handshake, Making The Dew, Spreading The Mayo, Greasing your Bone, Hand Job, Handy-J, Jackin' the Beanstalk, Making Nut Butter, Jerk the Gherkin, Mangling the Midget, Playing With Your Noodle, Polishing The Bishop, Pump the Python, Rubbing One Out, Scratching An Inch, Punchin' The Munchkin, Shaking Hands With Shorty, Shifting The Gear, Tenderize The Meat, Tickle The Pickle, Waxin' your Jackson, Wiggling your Worm, Tossing The Dwarf, Anointing The Altar Boys, Wrist Work, Yanking It, Posing My Action Figure, Favoring Oneself In An Unsatisfactory Way, Popping The Weasel, Releasing Frustration.

They say an average adult male thinks about sex every 7 seconds. I wonder if gay males think about it more often? Masturbation is something just about everyone does, but rarely talks about. You know the joke, "Stop playing with yourself or you'll go blind!" or "Every time you masturbate god kills a kitten." If these were true then there be blind people and kitten carcasses all over the place! Touching ourselves is what hands are for. If we weren't made to touch ourselves we would have been born like T-Rexes

With the success of my post It's All About The Banana, I decided to do another one about Wanking your Doodle Dandy. Below are fun filled facts about masturbation. Some I found online, others I discovered from chatting with people and I even conducted my own survey.

  -Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation, especially of one's own genitals, often to the point of orgasm.
When I was young I had no idea what it was or what I was doing. All I remember is it felt good. The first time I spooged all over I was like, "What is this icky stuff?" I was only 12 and hadn't started Health class yet, so I was pretty clueless. I learned quickly though as most males do. I mean how can we not touch our genitalia it just hangs there!

-The first ejaculation in males often occurs about 12 months after the onset of puberty
Oh my god look I have hair down there! The carpet matches the drapes!

-Many men who began masturbation or other sexual activity prior to puberty report having been able to achieve multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms.
All that good feeling with no messy clean up!

-Nocturnal emission is the ejaculation of semen during sleep.
During puberty, 13% of males experience their first ejaculation as a result of a nocturnal emission. (wet dreams)
Sweet dreams are made of this. "Have Happy Nocturnal Emissions" should be on a greeting card. I'm gonna call Hallmark.

"There once was a man from Bandoo. Who fell asleep in a canoe. He dreamed of Venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hand full of goo!"

-Studies show that 81% of men began masturbating between the ages of 10 and 15 and the largest group viewing online pornography is ages 12 to 17!

See we start out as little perverts at an early age. From the survey I conducted I discovered the average age of first time masturbation is between 11-14. Derek told me a story of the first time he ever Choked Richard Till He Threw Up; "I was dry humping a pillow and came. I was only 12 years old and my penis fell limp right away, so I thought I broke it! It really scared me! I started to cry and have a fit. I asked my dad what happened and he said, "Well it isn't broken and trust me I'm sure you'll be doing that a lot more often, so make sure you are getting your sheets washed!" Then he told me I didn't have to just hump, I could rub it too! It was a very tender father, son moment." Sounds like a future Disney movie to me!

-Circle jerk is slang for male group masturbation (usually referring to a practice of adolescent males).
You know boys will be boys. Among some people I have chatted with some say it was common when they were younger for a small group of guys to hang out and masturbate together. (not touching each other just in the same room.) I've also heard of guys making games out of jerking off. Like the first one to cum wins or the one that shoots his load the furthest wins. Oh the secret games guys will play together when they are bored! Of course none of these guys were even considered gay at the time either. (Rolls eyes) Future homos or closet cases in the making.

-Many men masturbate daily, or even more frequently, well into their 20s and sometimes far beyond. Alfred Kinsey's studies have shown that 92% of men will masturbate in their lifespan. About 50% of men masturbate at least once a day, 75% at least once a week, and 99% at least once a month!
Among the survey that I conducted I found that most guys Tame The Snake at least once a day, five times a week. Guys with a higher sex drive (various ages) will masturbate 2-3 times a day or any chance they can get! Sounds like those guys have a lot of um time on their hands. (pun intended) Kevin stated, "I think it's so much better when u let ur balls fill up!" Kevin is always good at advice giving.

-Some men are able to masturbate for hours at a time, achieving orgasm many times.
I call these men, lucky bastards! Perhaps it's a good thing that all of us can't do this. Things would never get done and surfaces everywhere would be sticky! From my survey I discovered that the average time one plays with his Flesh Twinkie is 5-20 minutes.

-Autofellatio is the act of a male performing oral sex on himself. Only 1 in 400 men are flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure.
Bending it like Beckham! Dogs lick themselves because they can and if all guys could do that you know we would. Heck, if I could do that I'd never leave me house again!

•Ways To Prolong Orgasm

-Edging
Or also called "The Start and Stop Technique" Coming nearly close to climax or ejaculation, then stopping sexual stimulation in order to delay the orgasm, so that the ultimate climax will be more intense. "Edging" is not a practice necessary inclusive of masturbation, but is also practiced amongst homosexual and heterosexual partners. Edging is a good sex therapy technique for a man to learn control of his ejaculation.
"I'm on the edge of glory and hanging on moment with you" brings new meaning to the song now huh.
 
-Kegel Exercises
Though commonly used by women, men can also use Kegel exercises to help achieve stronger erections and gain greater control over ejaculation. Kegel exercises are exercises done to increase the strength of the pelvic floor muscle and to help achieve better orgasms. One exercise for men to try is to hold your urine in. While peeing hold your urine in so you stop peeing for a count of ten. Then release, pee a little and hold again. Do this a few times every time you pee it will help you hold back and you'll last longer. One warning though, don't do this in public restrooms because the guying peeing next to you will think you're cray cray.

•Health Benefits of Slamming the Salami 

-Masturbation is healthy! In fact, it is a natural way that you express and explore your body and sexual feelings.
Love thy self so you can love others.

-Some professionals consider masturbation to function as a cardiovascular workout.
It's like Curves for men!

-Masturbation may increase fertility during intercourse. A recent study found daily ejaculation to be an important factor in sperm health and motility.
Ew breeder sex, but I assume this is important since it takes breeders to make a mo anyways.

 
-Both sex and masturbation lower blood pressure.
It also promotes world peace. Ok maybe that last one is a little out there, but think of it, if men were too busy playing with their little guns, they wouldn't have time for anything else. 

 
-Sexual climax, from masturbation or otherwise, leaves one in a relaxed and contented state, followed closely by drowsiness and sleep.
Results for my survey indicate that a majority of men play with their Wang before they go to bed to help them relax. 

-Endorphins released during orgasm can dull the chronic pain of backaches and arthritis as well as migraines.
Calgone can't take you a way that much!

-It is held in many mental health circles that masturbation can relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-worth.
A wank a day keeps the blues away. 

-Masturbating daily will promote greater prostate health and prevent cancer.
Enough said!

  •Masturbation Fetishes
(I don't recommend all of these, some are so weird!)

-Autoerotic asphyxia is the practice of self-induced strangulation or asphyxiation while masturbating.
This is dangerous, but the only nice part is you don't need a safety word. I guess if you went too crazy on yourself you could make yourself pass out, which isn't a good idea if you're by yourself.

-Masturbation in front of your partner can be a turn-on for both partners and is a very enjoyable part of lovemaking. Mutual Masturbation or a Hand Job (Handy-J) can be a safe sex practice and very erotic.
Don't have a partner? You can try to fake it by trying the masturbation technique called "The Stranger" sit on your non-dominant hand till it goes numb (for me it's my left hand) and Whack your Willy. Because you won't have much feeling in that hand you're using, it will fill like someone else is touching you.

-Axillary intercourse is the sexual activity in which a man masturbates his penis in his partner's armpit.
People actually do this? "Wow hunny that new Old Spice deodorant is really turning me on. I'm about to bust a nut all in your pits!" You could wear it then like an Axe commercial "Double pits to chestie."

-More than 70% of men aged 18-34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month.
Porn is often used in conjunction with playing with oneself. Kevin says, "I blast my porn until I get a really good one to finish the job." I'll admit I do the same. Some scenes just turn you on more than others do.

-Men often will call upon erotic memories during masturbation. Like past sexual encounters and fantasies.
I'd be lying if I said I've never done this. Can ya guess who I think about?

-Ablutophilia is the sexual pleasure derived from taking baths, showers, or other modes of washing oneself.
I can't take a bath without "sinking the submarine" to be honest. The survey I did stated that in the shower was the second most popular place (Bed was the first) to send your "Seamen" into battle.

-Sex Toys like a dildo are often intended for bodily penetration during masturbation or sex with a partner or partners.
The orgasms produced by anal play of a male are usually more pleasurable than the orgasm of regular masturbation. Some men have reported having multiple consecutive orgasms, particularly without ejaculation.
It is possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejaculation (dry orgasm). Most times this can only occur through anal simulation. See the post Advice: Bottomed Out for more info. 

-Other Masturbation toys such as Fleshlight (For straight men) and a Fleshjack (For gay men) are popular self simulating tools. I've heard from multiple sources that this is the sex toy to invest in!

So I have to ask how many of you want to touch yourself after reading this? Does little Jimmy wanna play? Just remember masturbation does not cause hairy palms, deafness, scarlet fever, brain damage, cause you to go insane or send you straight to hell. BUT

haha just kidding guys. So wank away it's healthy. (in moderation) Just remember if you're a shooter keep your eyes closed that shit burns.

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Advice: Bottomed Out

Dear J,
I don't have a lot of gay sex experience and neither does my boyfriend. He has been with one other person and I haven't been with anyone else. We mostly have oral sex but would like to try anal. He wants to top and I don't have an issue with that, but every time I try to bottom it really hurts. I can only handle it for a couple minutes and then I just give up. Can you give me any tips?


Dear Bottomed Out,
First let me start off by saying that I am not doctor so the advice I'm going to give you is only from my own experience. Second, please, please, please practice safe sex. Make sure your boyfriend always wears a condom and you always use safe sex practices.

Anal sex can be very satisfying for both parties. Pleasure can be derived from the nerve endings around the anus and the anus itself. It is an extremely intimate act that should bring you and your boyfriend closer together on so many levels. There are a few things you can try to help ease yourself into it so to speak.
The first thing I want you to do is some "self exploration" on your own aka I want you to explore your own butt before your boyfriend does.

-Find a nice place you can relax. A warm bath is nice or shower.
-Rub your fingers on the outside of your anus. If you're in a bath or shower make the area wet. If you are on "dry land" try some lube.
-Slowly insert a finger. Take a couple breaks, relax, and probe the area again. Each time you go back in things will be more relaxed and it should be easier.
-Next grip and release your sphincter muscles. (it's like clenching your buttocks) This is actually a form of male Kegel exercises. This will help you have control and will also feel good for your partner. The sphincter muscles can also expand and contract on their own when something is in there so it's good to know how this happens.
-Move your finger back and forth. Once you are comfortable with one, try two fingers, then try three. Try masturbating while you're doing this if you like. Remember to stay relaxed.
-Next move one finger around inside until you find your prostate. The prostate gland is a muscular gland encircling the urethra in the male that produces much of the seminal fluid. It is located just under the shaft of your penis. You will know when you find it because the sensation is very unique. This is also a very healthy practice to do. It stimulates blood flow and helps prevent cancer. I suggest you explore your butt every time you get a bath or shower until you are used to it. It's also a good activity to do daily. It will help you stay more relaxed during sex and it's healthy for you.

When you feel ready to try "the real thing" in your butt, have your partner do the above activities to "loosen you up." To avoid pain the key is patience. A lot of guys rush into it and start pounding away that's why it's painful! Before you actually have the penis inserted there should be a lot of fingering, tongue play, and perhaps toys. (Dildo, butt plug etc.) Be sure to use lots of lube. (There's special lube for anal sex that will help numb the area as well.) Anal fingering is an effective way of stimulating the prostate gland and can bring the receiver to orgasm without the penis being inserted. Make this a fun activity before you try his penis.

When it's time to insert the penis make sure he is a wearing a condom and use lots of water-based/condom friendly lube. Your partner should rub his penis all around the outside of your anus. Occasionally adding some pressure but not completely entering. It's like "cock teasing!" This actually drives me wild because of the anticipation. Next, slip the tip of the penis in. This is where the term "Just the tip!" came from. Have him hold there for a bit till you're relaxed, then have him go in further. It is ok to stop a few times, relax and try again. You may need to add more lube. Communication is the key. He should know by your facial expressions if he is hurting you, but speak up anyways.

Your booty can accommodate just about any size penis unless he is hung like an elephant. It is just a matter of relaxing the muscles. Have him go inside you for a bit and then pull out for a break. Each time you do this the sphincter will be more relaxed. You may feel some pain but it should start to subside to pleasure and then he'll be able to stay in longer and start to move back and forth and in and out.

Once you are completely relaxed and get the hang of it, you'll start to experience a lot of pleasure. The constant probing and massaging of the prostate and nerve endings of your anus could make you produce an anal orgasm with or without ejaculating. You could experience multiple anal orgasms and even ejaculate from your penis without your partner even touching it. Your partner may actually feel your orgasm. He should be able to feel the rapid, rhythmic contractions of the anal sphincter, and the prostate while he is inside you. All of these things have happened to me and they are amazing. Don't be discouraged if they don't happen for you right away. It takes patience and relaxation. Good things are cumming! See gay sex is sooooo much better!

Good luck with your probing activities, be safe and remember...

Make good decisions,
J

Need advice? EMAIL ME Your name will be kept confidential.

It's All About The Banana

OR
Dick, Cock, Tool, Wee-wee, Weenie, Pee-pee, Weiner, Ding Dong, Mini Twinkie, Winky, Thang, Member, Organ, Johnson, John Thomas, Wilson, Willy, Stick, Schlong, Wang, Choad, Pecker, Prick, Hog, Package, One-Eyed Trouser Snake, Tally-Whacker, Heat-seeking love missile, Beef Bayonet, Pork Sword, Little Soldier, Baloney Poney, My little pony, My other head, Power drill, Magic wand, Joystick, Jack Hammer, Frankfurter, Captain Winkie, Summer Sausage, Basket, Long John Silver, GodZilla, Super Secret Agent Hosepipe, Willy Wonka, Wrinkles, Tubesteak, Dirty Banana, Mr. Winkie, Mini Me, Junior, Discostick, Coke Can, Pole, Harry Truman, Frank and Beans, Banger and Mash, One eyed monster, Hulk, Fun Stick and so on and so on! There's so many nicknames for the penis. Do you have one for yours? A gay man's penis is his "best friend" so here's some fun statistics I've discovered. Some of these fun facts where taken from the web and offers were from asking guys. Of course I have to throw in my two cents and personal expertise as well.

-Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Wow that's a hot sticky mess

-Average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
If he's gay you have to add an extra 2,000 to this. They say gay males "spank the monkey" twice as much as straight men do. Thank you gay porn. Hey gay sex is hot! You straight men have no idea what you are missing.

-A Man's orgasm can last up to 22 seconds. Delaying orgasm for as long as possible increases the intensity. One tip: usually when a man is on his way to cum or about to his balls tighten and go up inside. To delay the orgasm gently pull his balls back down. "Ouch! I said gently"

-Average percentage of the male population that masturbates: 60%

-Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

-Average percentage of the male population that say they don't masturbate: 40%
Lying mofo's!

-40% of men say they feel guilty about masturbating.
These are probably the ones that have lied about it or they are priests.

-Average number of times a man masturbates a week: 3
They say 16-18 year olds do it 6 times a day and 20-23 year olds do it up to 3 times a day! Horny fuckers! I wonder how many guys are touching themselves while reading this!?

-The most popular time of day for masturbation: early morning, before bed, after school, and after work.
It's said that playing with your Wang Doodle is a stress reliever and helps clear your head. You are also less likely to have cancer issues from your prostate if you pleasure yourself daily. Wank away boys!

-Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
A spoonful of sugar really does make the medicine go down.

-Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Think of it like this the, average bathtub holds 35 gallons! That's a lot of "man juice."

-Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
You figure the average speed through city areas is around 25 miles per hour. Your little swimmers are fast fuckers.

-Average number of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Dr. Pepper has 150.
Jenny Craig and Weight Watcher's approved!

-Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches
You pigs are getting out your tape measures now, aren't you?

-Average length when erect: 5.1-5.5 inches
Sorry size queens this is true! Remember it's not the size of wand, but the magician behind it.

-Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch
It isn't mine thank god!

-Largest natural penis recorded: 13 inches
"Well hello there!"

-The average Internet length (Internet user) of a penis: Add two inches to your current length and use the username Hung4you or thick10incher

-The average gay male length: add 2.5 inches to your current length and wear a cock ring under your clothes.

-The countries that are home to the men with the largest penis's are: France, England, Denmark
Looks like we found out where we should vacation. Hello foreign hotties!

-It's a myth that black people have bigger penis's.
Probably started by a black person. As Ellie Grace would say, "I love you more than black cock!"

-Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet
The most common penis animal joke, "Walrus's have the second largest penis in the world.......I have the first." Snooki has said she doesn't swim in the ocean because it's full of whale jizz.

-Most arousing time of day for a man: early morning
Good morning wood! It is common for men to wake up with 'morning wood', a name for an A.M. erection. Teepees can be fun. The best way to get rid of morning wood is to masturbate or pee. Peeing can be dangerous wear goggles. The most common practice to conceal ones wood is to place your penis straight up so it peeks out of your underwear waistband. Your waistband should keep your Johnson in place. Make sure you wear a T-shirt before leaving your bedroom. How long does the Morning wood last? It varies. Some men have the erection only for a few minutes others have it longer.

-Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, stop drug use, start exercising, lose weight.

-Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ.
I find that chicken fingers and wawa hoagies put me in the mood. How bout you? Sometimes all you need is that ten inches. Ten inches of hoagie that is.

-Average number of erections per day for a man: 11
It's just natures way of saying, "I like you come pet me."

-Average number of erections during the night: 9
Let's play blanket monster!

-Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches
Ew breeder sex!

-Time it takes the sperm to travel that: 2.5 seconds
Seriously who the fuck times this shit??

-Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)
Aww the poor little guys most of them (and um all of them if you're gay) will die horrible miserable deaths when they reach open air! Moment of silence for the little lost fellas.

-Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100
Save your money get em at the bar! It's called a recession people.

-Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

-Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm

-Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm

-Number of times condoms are thicker than plastic wrap: almost 6

-Only six percent of the male population need the magnum sized condom. Regular sized and even small condoms accommodate mostly all men. Typically magnums are only bought to boost the ego. Magnums are good for men that are bigger than 8.5x5.5. (seriously email me QDL@queerdirtylaundry.com haha!!!) If you are smaller than that then a regular condom should be fine. You don't want it to look baggy like you have a Hefty bag on your penis.

-In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet. Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste. Dairy products can create a foul taste. The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest. Acidic fruits are said to give it a sugary pleasing taste. Even most alcohol does the same. (Thank god cause I drink like a fish) Pineapple juice is said to be one of the best to um sweeten up your spooge. Have your vodka and pineapple juice boys it's the best of both worlds. It's a shame the pineapple juice does nothing to sweeten up some personalities. Other examples of good fruits are: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes.

-Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice,
chocolate, doughnuts (is that why cops are always at Dunkin' Donuts?), pumpkin pie (No wonder I'm always horny on Thanksgiving!) Let's get some Glade Plugins!

-Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower, pool, ocean, river
When wet...blow dry

-Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false. Stop shaking your heads this is not true!

-The percentage of uncircumcised males in the United States varies widely by age. Circumcision was once a very common in the U.S., but in the past 20 years the number of newborn males being circumcised has dropped from over 80% to under 40%. Among American men age 20 or older, probably fewer than 25% are uncircumcised. Among American men under age 20, probably more than 60% are uncircumcised.
Personally I have no preference on this as long as hygiene is good. It's fun to play peek a boo.

-According to a survey of 20,000 people posted on a Web site, 25 percent of men prefer boxers while 32 percent prefer briefs. Another 28 percent prefer boxer-briefs, and 4 percent prefer thongs. A whopping 7 percent prefer to go commando!
In my personal research it appears that underwear popularity goes in this order:
Trunks
Boxer-briefs
Briefs
Boxers
Commando
Thongs and other.
80% of the men I asked were gay from the ages of 21-45. It appears that certain men wear multiple pairs of underwear during the day for different things. For example: everyday use; boxer-briefs or trunks, working out; briefs, lounging and sleeping; boxers, play; thongs and jockstraps. Among gay men the most popular underwear style was the trunk (also called army trunk, sports trunk and boy shorts) which is a shorter square-cut type boxer-brief. It's like if a boxer-brief and regular brief had a love child that's what you would end up with. The most popular brief among gay men is the "no show" style brief. They are cut really low (manscaping required) and you can't see the waistband when u wear pants. These aren't your old man's tighty whities!

7 Reasons A Gay Man Manscapes His Monkey
60% of all men regardless of sexual orientation and race shave or trim their pubic area. The rest need to!

1. Cleanliness. The crotch is a focal point for heat, sweat, and bacteria. Cropping or removing your pubic hair makes that area much easier to keep clean, and more importantly, smelling clean! He is more likely to spend some time down there if you keep that area well maintained.
2. Manscaping and shaving can be quite erotic, and not just to you! It's like a fun slip-n-slide.
3. It's more inviting. It looks prettier and says to your lover, "Hello, put me in your mouth." Don't forget to pay attention to removing stray hairs from your shaft as well. Hair in the mouth sucks! (Cough, hairball) I already flossed this morning thank you.
4. Don't forget the scrotum. Guys shave your balls. A silky smooth ball sack invites both manual and oral caresses. Hello Teabagging! If I need a weed-whacker to get through the jungle forget it!
5. It's healthier. He'll see immediately that you have no skin outbreaks or unwanted "critters" to hide. Crabs aren't on the menu. You will have greater manual sensitivity when you perform your periodic testicular self-exam as well. The earlier you catch any problems, the easier they are to fix.
Learn more about Testicular Self Exams http://is.gd/WdQEfQ
6. It's fun! Let your partner shave you. That's right, let him shave you! This is an exercise in trust! One wrong move and your frank and beans could end up looking like dog food. It could be a very highly suspenseful erotic thrill ride though if done correctly. The danger of an ultra sharp razor in such a delicate area, the tension of long slow razor strokes, the aching of your pulse-pounding hard-on, and the foamy friction of his manly shaving-creamed hand on your cock can intensify your pleasure. I suggest if you're in a relationship you should try it. Just don't make any sudden moves, use lots of shaving cream and make sure your partner takes their time. I highly recommend you try shaving yourself first though before you ask your partner to do it with you. It's better you practice the shaving alone in your own time first.
7. Perhaps the most important reason to shave or manscape is it makes your penis look bigger! I'm not kidding! You will swear that you gained at least an extra inch in length! Even huge guys wish their penis's was bigger (all guys wish their penis's was bigger) well this a good way to create that massive illusion. I'm sure most gay guys have discovered this miracle, but there's still some that are unpolished so to speak. If your wang isn't groomed regularly, you most likely have hair at least part way up your shaft. Your Tally Whacker "appears" to begin where that hair ends. Remove the underbrush and your hidden length will be revealed. Bada bing bada boom it's like miracle grow for your Johnson.

Ok well for the first time ever I think I'm all penised out! Ok, ok maybe not. I hope you all learned a little something about your "best friend." He sure is a wonder make sure you give him a hand or um two.

Sex Rules?

Andy has been kind of MIA lately. He deleted his Grindr account and no longer goes out every night. He told me he was going to "take a break" and I'm glad to see that he is. We still occasionally talk. I get those random "I miss you" texts. Andy's been dating this really nice guy named Brett. I've met him a few times. They been seeing each other since January. This is big news cause normally Andy's "boys" only last a couple weeks. He was telling me about Brett and as he talked about him I could tell he was happy. As much as I wanted to stick daggers in my ears I still was happy for him. I gave Andy my approval and I think that is what he was looking for. Brett is an all around nice guy I'm really impressed. Trust me I tried not to like him but I found myself being won over by his charm. He is totally a keeper. Andy told me he only has one problem though. Brett is strictly a top and although Andy has tried both he prefers to be the top. He said it hurts to bottom. (I gave him some pointers. I know, FML I'm telling my crush how to get laid. How screwed up is this?) My overall advice to Andy was to not worry about the whole sex part so much. Things have a way of working themselves out. What is important is the connection. He agreed with me and he said he likes Brett so much that he doesn't want this to affect things.

My conversation with Andy really got me pondering this whole top, bottom thing. If you truly like someone is it that important? Gay dating sites are all flooded with profiles that read; tops seeking bottoms to pound, bottoms seeking tops to fill my hole, top vers, (versatile) bttm vers, pitchers, catchers, givers, receivers and it goes on and on and on. I get asked at least once a day if I'm a top or a bottom? It seriously is a question I truly can not stand. Like hello, you could ask me what my name is or how I'm doing. It really is an immediate turn off and I usually end up putting the guy on ignore. Obviously all he is after is some ass and has no intentions of really getting to know me.

I am not the only one who feels this way. Bobby had this to say, "I dislike when men have to know right away because it shows they don't give a shit about you. They only care where they can put their dick. For example I hate it when I'm going out with a great, good looking guy and after the date is over he asks if I'm a top or bttm. If I reply with the same answer he does and we end up shaking hands and leave. I think it's ignorant. Relationships are about compromise. Yes, we all might have tendencies that we like. If you don't take turns in different roles then the only relationship you're in is one with yourself. And it's an extremely selfish relationship at that." Bobby is right if you click in other areas then what's the harm in mixing up the roles? Why let a prime piece of yummy man meat get away? Why are we restricted by these rules that only straight couples follow? My friend Tristan made a good point, "The best way to destroy the fun of sexuality is having to abide by rules and restrictions. Part of the fun of sex comes from breaking the rules and shedding inhibitions."
In my experience gay men are like Tupperware containers. You can always find the bottoms, but you can never find the top. Sometimes you just have to make due and put plastic wrap on the fucker! So what am I you ask? Well to be honest I'm a bottom. (Love getting that G-Spot hit!) It's what I "prefer" to do, but not what I will only do. I wouldn't let a great guy "slip" away if he said he was a bottom as well. James said it best, "The whole top and bottom thing really stands for hook ups. It's whatever you prefer to get your rocks off. But for relationships, you really should be open to eachothers needs and wants."

Fortunately for me I've been with guys who were pretty much strictly "ass men," but I have played other roles before. It's different and exciting. It keeps things from getting boring in the bedroom. Even though I've been mostly a bottom, I'm not going to just lie there and take it. I'm proactive! I've had orgasms where my partner didn't even touch my penis and multiple orgasms even (yes it's possible for guys, now you know why I like the bottom role so much.)

Bottoms up!Seriously though what it comes down to (excuse the pun) is whether or not you are willing to do what it takes to please your partner. Personally I would try just about anything at least once as long as my partner and I communicated and we are both comfortable with what's going on. My advice, be open minded especially if you like him. Top or bottom he could be the man of your dreams! Like Kevin says, "It's 100% sexy when a guy is versatile!"

The top and bottom controversy is certainly a rule that should be broken. One rule that should always be enforced is safe sex. I noticed recently there's an increase in young gay men performing unsafe sexual acts. (barebacking, raw, anything goes) Um sure, I love barebacking; along with eating raw chicken, getting stung by bees, cutting myself, standing in the middle of the highway, and plucking my pubic hair out with tweezers! Seriously why are people so stupid? Why are you risking your health for a few moments of pleasure? James reaction to this, "In this day and age, and with free condoms everywhere you look, if you don't have safe sex you're essentially planning your funeral."

Free condoms (and lube) are available at almost every single gay bar I have ever been too! You don't need to be embarrassed going to the drug store or even spend the money! Most planned parenthoods and doctor offices will gladly give you free condoms. I swear every time I'm out at a bar with Kevin he grabs a handful! I know that boy is wrapping it up. They make condoms in all sizes, (Magnum guys you can email me at QDL@queerdirtylaudry.com HAHA!!!) flavors, colors, textures, you name it! Glow in the dark ones are fun reminds me of a big glowworm coming to get me. Plus it lights the tunnel for you so to speak. All the condoms I have I have gotten them for free. In the rare occasion I actually have sex (It's like Ground Hog's Day I only come out once a year.) I'm prepared. If you look in my "fag bag" you'll find condoms and lube.

This photo shows the best practices for safer sex, but be advised none of these are 100% safe. Remember to always speak up, don't assume your partner is clean.

Bobby said, "I can't believe guys are so STUPID as to not have protected sex 100% of the time. Further more, it infuriates me when you have guys who explicitly say they don't want to have safe sex, so if you wanna have sex with them it has to be raw! It pisses me off because some of these guys are very attractive and some men who may have less self control will give in to the raw sex idea just to be with them. Doing this they are spreading diseases and infections into the small puddle that is our gay dating pond. It's like after all we know in 2011 why are these guys acting like they just crawled out of a cave? Just because they may look like cavemen doesn't mean they have to act like it!" I couldn't have said this better myself.

Young gay men have a mindset that they are invincible! If you're having unprotected sex it's only a matter of time before you run to your mama screaming, "It burns when I pee!" It's not a matter of IF you'll get something, it's WHEN! I really hope I wake some people up with this post. They need to be cock smacked across the face a few dozen times. Stop treating HIV and other STDs as if they were a common cold! There's even gay men that think if they already have HIV then it's like a license to fuck because what's the point they have it already. I'd like to line all these dumb fuckers up and shoot them! (With a real gun, that is.)

People argue that if they are in a committed relationship they could have unprotected sex. This only works if both partners are 100% sure they are STD free. You're also putting a lot trust into each other as well. Boys lie, boys cheat. (Not everyone, but you get the idea. How do you really know for sure?) If there's any hesitation at all use a condom every time. Remember no glove, no love. If you wanna get it on, cover your schlong.

Artwork by Qdirtylaundry

For info on HIV and safe sex practices please visit www.Aids.org
If any of you need advice or someone to talk to please always feel free to contact me on Facebook, Twitter or Email. Be safe.