June 20, 2011

I Love The Homosexuals!

Why do straight people love the gays so much? Maybe it's the fascination with gay culture, the fact that we are typically fun loving, we make straight people look better (stylists, designers, etc) and we are just plain awesome! Unless you are an inbred bible banger from West Virginia you're probably friends with at least one homo. (FYI Jesus loves us too see!)

It's more common now for a group of straight friends to have a 'token gay' among their group. We have replaced the little toy dog as an accessory and now everyone wants a sassy gay friend. Fair warning though if you're straight; don't have to many sassy gay friends in the same vicinity! We tend to go after each other like cannibals. One tries to out bitch the other. I've seen it happen. Like piranhas fighting over a bone. Lately I've been taking a break from the gay scene. You can only go to the same gay bars a few times before it gets really old. I like to mix it up a little once in awhile and hang out with a different crowd. In this case a 'straight crowd.' This way when I do finally go back to the gay bars I feel as refreshed as if I just had an anal douche. Good for the soul, good for your hole.

Kevin has a very diverse group of friends. Most of his friends consist of people he went to high school and college with. It's a mixture of mostly straight people (guys and girls) with a few maybe bi-curious and try anything once males. Because they've all known each other for years they are all pretty accepting of his sexuality and general lifestyle. It's cool to see this generation of 20 somethings be this open minded. When Kevin's group of friends has a party or something he usually invites me to join them. Usually I do say no cause I've always felt like I would be awkward, (Not only because they are straight but also because I am around 10 years older than they are.) but lately since I've needed a break from the mo's, I've taken him up on the offers. I'll be honest now and say I have had a pretty good time with Kevin's peeps. I haven't felt awkward at all. Maybe it's the fact I look young and can blend in with them or perhaps it's the fact I can out drink the straight boys and party with them. (I certainly feel my age the next day!) Well either way, the few times I've been out with Kevin and his mostly straight crowd I've enjoyed myself.

I think some his gay friends consider us entertainment. One of the straight cuties dropped his straw on the ground. He bent down, picked it up, blew the grass off the end of it and placed it back in his cup. Without even missing a beat I said "Hunny I do that too. I always blow it off and put it back in." Him and his buddies were cracking up and said I should do standup. They were instantly comfortable with me and continued to chat with me off and on all night. When I asked how I liked margarita made by the host I said, "I like em like I like my men, strong and thick." He smiled at me and said, "Well I'm thick." And another hottie who was kinda shy with me but after some drinks he then began to tell him that he loved his gay uncle and thought "gay guys were cool." This was followed by grabbing my arm and touching my stomach. Below is a picture of him passed out.

I could have sucked on those nipples for days. I so wanted to motorboat his bubble butt. He was an all you can eat buffet of hotness. The girls didn't like him to much because he began to get cocky with them. A couple guys actually questioned our sexuality. They said Kevin and I couldn't be gay because we were all over the girls. I think I proved my gayness when I said, "You wanna see how gay I really am, come here and I'll show you." That comment sent them packing and not in the sense I hoped for.

  If you are a straight individual chances are you fall into one of the categories below:
•Fag Hag- Mostly everyone has heard of the term 'Fag Hag' and if you haven't then you need to get out of that cave you are living in! A Fag Hag is obviously a gay slang referring to woman who enjoys the company of gay or bisexual men. She associates herself mostly or exclusively with gay and bisexual men and most of her close friends are gay and bisexual. Usually a Fag Hag is a heterosexual woman who is the best friend of a gay man. Some women hate being called a "Fag Hag" and view it as an insult while others embrace the title with their rainbow flag in hand.

Fag Hags are generally stereotyped as outgoing fun women. (Like my bubbly girls Lindsay, Bethany, Krissy and Kate) Sometimes they are seeking a substitute for a heterosexual relationship and perhaps are secretly (or openly) sexually attracted to gay men. After all most gay men are pretty and well put together. Some Fag Hags are gay men magnets, like Bethany. They are attracted to her like moths to a flame. Science has shown straight woman and gay man have similar brain waves and often experience similar emotions, that is probably why we get along so well. They've put up with men's bullshit and so have we. Let the bonding begin! Women whom identify themselves as Fag Hags and whom already are in a romantic relationship with straight men, may prefer the gay culture to the straight counterpart.
A rich rewarding relationship can flourish between a Fag and his Hag. It's a relationship without sexual tension, that allows the participants to separate intimacy and sexuality. It can also cause harm if the relationship becomes too codependent. Both parties involved can use each other as a substitute for an actual partner. This usually ends badly when one of the two finds a partner that can fulfill their needs both mentally and physically. I've even witnessed it where the Fag Hag's boyfriend or husband was actually jealous of her gay friend and the connection they shared.

  Almost all my gay friends have at least one Fag Hag. (or multiple ones) I for example have more than one, but I enjoy each ones company for a different reason. Jules is a long time friend and my long time Fag Hag. She has always supported everything I ever done and has always been there when I needed her. She's like an athletic supporter, never let's me down. Kevin has a similar relationship with Lynn and Bobby has a similar one with Tina. Only warning I may have is becareful when you have to many Fag Hags together. They Sometimes do get jealous of each other. It's like a bunch of girls fighting for the last piece of sausage. It can get ugly.

Other names for Fag Hags: Fruit Flies, Homo Honey, Fruit Loop Lover, Goldilocks, Flame Dame, Fairy Princess, Fairy Godmother, Queer Dears, and Sausage Sisters.

•Fag Stags- The male equivalent of Fag Hag is a Fag Stag. It's pretty much the same relationship as a Fag Hag. Sometimes though many Fag Stag relationships form because the straight man wants to go to gay bars with the gay man in order to "pick up" straight women. The gay bar scene is considered to be a safe haven for straight women, so usually their guard is down when approached by a Fag Stag. It also shows that perhaps since the Fag Stag is friends with the gays he too may be more sensitive. I actually have a good friend who is a Fag Stag and he is marrying a Fag Hag this summer. Their wedding is going to be a Gayapalooza!

Fag Stag can also mean a male gay icon or celebrity that is loved by the gay community who has gay friends or is associated with gay people. For example: Ben Affleck, Eric McCormack, Justin Timberlake, Colin Farrell, Matthew Broderick, Robbie Williams and Daniel Radcliffe who has stated he loves his gay fans and considers himself to be a Fag Hag or aka Fag Stag.
•Fruit Flies- People who associate with lesbian, gay and bisexual people may be called fruit flies regardless of their sex. Most cases it is a term used in place of "Fag Hag". Some women would prefer to be called "Fruit Fly" rather than "Fag Hag." I usually leave it up to them to come up with their own nicknames. A Fruit Fly though can be anyone that loves to hang out with gay people.

  •Gay For Pay Guys- Please see the post 'Gay For Pay' for more information on this topic.

•Tri-guys- Younger guys usually early 20 something men that are bi-curious and will "try" anything at least once. Usually associated with frat guys and horny young guys. Sometimes they look at things at just a "hole." Typically they will pursue women but or if they can't get any will then go after gay men. They usually are very flirtatious and extremely open minded. Usually the Tri-guys are selfish lovers. Because they are primarily only interested in women they have no interest in a man's penis or if he gets off. Typically they will perform gay sex but it's only anal (where they are the top) and it's only oral. (where they receive, but don't give.) They may use the excuse "Dude, I was so wasted I don't know what even happened." BUT if you think about it they were sober enough to have and maintain an erection. A Tri-guy mostly is just a sexual relationship but can be a gateway to Bisexuality and Gay. After all Bi is just a slippery cock away from Homoheights.

•Closeted Men- Occasionally straight men that may be confused or closeted will hang out with gay man in order to get a better feel of the gay culture. They are accepting of gay people, but may feel people won't be accepting of them. For some closeted individuals the process of coming out is terrifying. (See post 'Come Out, Come Out Wherever You are') They like to hang out with gay people because it's almost like a look into their possible future life without admitting it to others and to themselves. A lot of times the Closeted Men will look up to the gay men. It becomes almost a mentoring type of relationship even though in most cases the gay man has no concrete proof the guy may be closeted. (We usually can tell though.) There may or may not be sexual attraction between a Closeted Man and his gay friend but occasionally there is a 'crush' that may form. The Closeted Man may develop feelings for his gay friend, hence the reason he hangs out with him and vice-versa.

  •Dutch Boys- Are men who have many lesbian friends they can also be called; Lesbro, Dyke Tyke and in the UK Dikey Likey. These lesbian friendly men can be of any sexual orientation but typically are straight men. Straight men love lesbians or at least the fantasy of two hot girls going at it. Scissor anyone?
•Open Minded Individuals- OMI is our future. These peeps aren't Fag Hags, Fag Stags, or anything else. They don't really have gay friends and don't associate with gay people, but they still are open minded. They believe in equal rights regardless of sexual orientation and have no problems or issues with gay people whatsoever. This is how everyone should be and hopefully some day most of the population will feel this way.

Homophobia is becoming less prevalent. Efforts to confront violence and hostility towards sexual and gender minorities have been in place. Gay-straight alliance and other programs have lifted some of the stigma of having LGBT people as close friends. It's now cool to have gay friends. Gay is the way, we are trendy. Shower your homo with gifts to show you love him. I'll be waiting for mine in the mail. Gay people are like apples and straight people are like oranges, but what it all comes down to is that we are all fruit. Lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered and straight we are all human. Fuck hate!http://fckh8.com/