August 4, 2011

Advice: Crushed!

Dear J,
I recently discovered that I'm falling in love with my best friend. I don't know if I should tell him or not. I have the worlds biggest crush on him. We have been friends for about two years now. Part of me wants to tell him and part of me is scared it will ruin our friendship. What should I do?
~ Anonymously

Dear Crushed,
Crushes can be hard! I'm sure if they were easy they would be called something else. I've struggled with this issue a few times, most recently with my friend Andy. If you look at my earlier posts you'll see my struggles. It all started with my post: It's Just A Little Crush, Right???

You have two options; First, tell your crush how you feel, how the sun sets in his eyes and how badly you wanna ride his fun stick. Second, keep it all to yourself and hope the feelings go away, before you are reduced to making small cuts on your leg to feel better. Personally I've learned that telling someone you have feelings for is better than keeping it to yourself.

Three things could happen when you tell the truth; First, he could feel the same way actually. It's hard to tell people how you and he could be waiting for you to say it. You'll live happily ever after, buy a couple cats and call it a day. Second, he let's you down the easiest way he knows how. He may say something like "I love you, but only in a friend way." or "Our friendship is so important to me I don't want to ruin it." I know it's still like daggers to the heart, but he does care obviously. Third, He gets so freaked out he cuts all ties with you and you never talk again. Honestly the latter one rarely happens! And if it does he never was really your friend anyways and obviously has issues deeper than yours.

In my experience, my declaration of love came out in a heated argument. (Again something I don't recommend. Tell him before that happens. See the post: Resolutions.) Everything in the end though did work out. It turns out although he didn't love me the same way, he still very much loved me as a friend and I am important. He also then understood why I was so moody and acted the way I did to certain things. I actually felt like our relationship as friends grew a bit closer. Everything worked out for the best.

So what has been the outcome? We are still friends. Still talk every week, but unfortunately I don't get to hang out with him as often as I like. He currently is dating a wonderful guy. (I do approve!) I'll admit it gets me down a little, but in the end I do care about him and his happiness. And of course you know it would damage my car to much if I ran over his boyfriend.

My advice to you: Tell him how you feel. You may not get the answer you want, but sometimes just saying it and getting it out there helps. This could help you move on from your crush. If he is truly a friend, he won't go anywhere and will be flattered. It may take sometime to get over the whole thing and you may even need to take a little time and distance yourself. This is normal and your crush will understand. Hopefully in the end it will bring your friendship closer together.
Make good decisions,

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