August 2, 2011

HapPENIS

It's probably the most used pickup line among gay men, "Are you a top or a bottom?" Frankly it's not even a good pickup line. It's not funny or witty. It doesn't make me wanna have sex with you or even talk to you. The only way this pickup line works is if the guy is DTF (Down To Fuck) and I guess because the gay community is filled with cock hungry whores that's why it works on some. I on the other hand need something a tad more witty in order for it to work on me. Something like, "If you were a potato chip and I were a battery, you'd be Frito~Lay and I'd be EveryReady!" That would definitely get my attention, cheesy as it sounds.If you're unfamiliar with the gay terms top or bottom you must live under a rock. A top is the 'active partner' or anal insertive (giver) and a bottom is more the 'passive partner' or anal receptive.

Most people assume that a top gets all the pleasure and the bottom is merely just a tight little hole for him pound to away on. This is untrue. Both positions/practices create sensations for both parties. An anal orgasm that a bottom experiences is rather unique. It can occur with or without ejaculation. Sometimes NO stimulation of the actual penis is required to reach an orgasm and it can be rather intense. For all you straight women reading this, if you ever stuck your finger in your boyfriends booty during sex and he exploded everywhere, you kinda know what I'm talking about. Nothing like 'ropes of cum' on the ceiling and wall. Top and bottom is more than just being sexual positions or roles. It's more than being assertive or passive. It has to do with a state of mind, but has it gone to far? I recently read an article about a study done on gay men and their sexual behavior. The article asked the question, "Does penis size determine if you are a top or a bottom and does the size of a man's penis determine if he is happy?" This has created some heated debate among the homos. The study conducted had questionable findings. Can the size of a man's penis really affect his sexual health?

The actual study was called, "The Association between Penis Size and Sexual Health among Men Who Have Sex with Men," it was launched by the National Institute of Health. They studied just over a thousand gay men and this is their findings:

1. Gay men who felt they had small or inadequate penis sizes were more likely to become "bottoms," while gay men with larger penises were more likely to identify themselves as "tops."
2. Men with smaller penises were more likely to be psychologically troubled than those with larger genitalia. The goal of the study was to understand the "real individual-level consequences of living in a penis-centered society."

Do you think their findings are accurate? I decided to do my own little study among gay men in my circle and complete strangers. (I love asking strangers about their junk. Cue: uncomfortable silences) I wanted to determine if this was really as important as the National Institute of Health make it out to be. Here is what some of my friends had to say:
Tristan said, "I am totally irritated by the whole top/bottom role business. If the bigger cock is the top, I'll bet that's related more to one time hookups than anything else. It doesn't make sense to me that a size comparison would matter. To be honest, it probably has more to do with whether one person is a germ freak or not. There's been a lot of times when I don't top because it involves putting a valuable part of my anatomy into an asshole!" I bet some of those guys were actual assholes too!

James said, "This study is false. I've had 2 serious relationships and I was the larger in both and I've played both roles. I've met quite a few very well endowed black guys who are complete bottoms, too!" Hmm black cock. Bobby said, "Although I don't have much experience with the whole top and bottom thing. I think that it is false. It's more based on personality. Whoever is the more dominant personality type is the top. In my opinion." Bobby is on to something there.

Friday night there was a Takeover Event at Bear Creek Mountain Resort and I thought that would be the perfect place to ask some guys about this top and bottom bullshit. Kevin of course usually my partner in crime accompanied me.

As we climbed the mountain in my car and we reached the top he said, "So this is a ski resort? Where's the snow?" I only think he was half kidding. Kevin and I chatted about the study and I admitted in most of my relationships and sexual experience I was usually the bottom and perhaps if I did have a larger penis maybe I would be a top more. My friend Jeffy made a great point when we talked about this, "You didn't wake up and were like "I'm gay but my cocks not big enough, so I'll just bottom! You do it because you like it." I do like the submissiveness sexually in the bottom role, but to be honest when it came to the actual emotional relationships I was more of the dominant one. I partly think this is true because of my strong personality. I need a man who can handle me emotionally. Apply within.

Kevin's thoughts on the study were actually well thought out and passionate. Here is what he had to say, "I think the whole "tops have the bigger penis size thing" is all about what people have been taught to be socially acceptable among the gay population. It's almost as though gay men have been brainwashed to think that way and that's why it has come to be the more common thing. I think alot of bottoms have been forced to abide by this, but let's just say this, "Do u think every heterosexual male has to have a big one in order to stick it in something?" No a man is a man! Every guy likes to stick their dick in something! Most gay men will just go with the flow cuz tops tend to be more controlling. This is something I actually feel strongly about in my relationships, I want both of us to be versatile. I personally do not want to be just the top or the bottom. I want to feel equal. If a guy is always a bottom and wants to try being a top I think he has the full right too! And if the top denies him this I say the bottom should withhold sex. I would certainly do that!" Kevin's approach to equality in a relationship is refreshing. I told him how much I loved his mature response and he said, "I know right? I'm like super smarticle."

Kevin's approach to the whole 'brainwash' aspect could be correct. We've always been told "bigger is better" or is it? Gay men seem to have a fetish with huge penises and even worship them as if they are attached to Jesus himself. One could say heterosexual men have a little wiggle room when they tell a woman their penis size, but gay men will get out a measuring tape and magnifying glass just to verify.

Gay men obviously know how to suck a dick well. I think it's coded in our DNA, and maybe we have practicing since birth. This just proves that happiness isn't measured by ones genitalia. Kile says, "Big cocks are for sucking and small ones are for fucking." Enough said!


There's a group of gay men that rarely or never participate in anal sex. They actually prefer only oral sex. One of my first boyfriends was actually that way. He didn't like anal sex at all and said he didn't want to infect pain on someone he cared about so he could have pleasure. Looking back at it now I think I would have been fine. My ass isn't the Grand Canyon, but I'm sure it would have accommodated him. Among my friends there are a few that prefer oral, like Bobby, George, and Kevin. They would rather slob on a pulsating knob than take a ride on the log flume. I guess in this case size doesn't matter.

  So what else happened at Bear Creek after my research was over? Kevin discovered they turn the automatic doors off at midnight because he walked right into them. (Just another thing to add to the list of things that aren't his friends such as; revolving doors, liquids, glasses, flat surfaces and any messy food in general.) I got an invitation to sit on someone's face. I did hesitate in a response because it's been such a long time but ultimately declined his offer. We also learned guys with the name "Hoyt" are cornfed and hot!

When you say "no" you get called a slut. Kevin was attacked by Harold whom wanted to hook up with him. Harold preceded to fondle Kevin I guess in an effort to entice him. It didn't work. And when Kevin refused his advices and pushed him off. Harold got mad and said, "Well why not you're a slut anyway?" I guess he thought since Kevin once slept with his friend he would have a shot, but a way to get into someone's pants is NOT to call them a slut.

  Bobby discovered confidence is a must when trying to talk to new and cute guys. He tried to follow advice he received from Dr. Stacy. (Host of the podcast 'Why You Suck In Bed' on The Glory Hole Radio Network. I've listened to them a few times and they are fabulous! Check them out.) Dr. Stacy told him to be confident and not to second guess what he wants to say. I personally did see an improvement in his overall demeanor. Bobby seemed less socially awkward than normal. Although the event did have slim pickins, I feel he made the best of it. I've always told him that "you have good things down there." He needs to hypnotize the mo's with his penis and DSLs not worry so much.

So what was my conclusion on the research? Does size matter and does it determine if someone is a top or a bottom? That study was a bunch of baloney. Of all the guys I have talked to they all said size does not determine the sexual position, their personality does. Sure bigs ones are fun to look at and maybe play with, but I'd rather have a guy with a heart than a big cock any day. Respect what you got, respect the cock!

*Remember no glove, no love. Regardless if you're the top or the bottom make sure you practice safe sex.

  Below are some more comments guys had about the study the National Institute of Health did:
"If you oppose the social pressures and allow inner confidence and attitude to rule than an average guy like me can make endowed men be my slave(s)."
"It's rubbish, I'm built like a donkey and I'm completey bonkers..."
"Gee when I was in the military I found a lot of well hung guys wanted to be penetrated by guys like me with medium to small (6 inches) penises. But we also had a tradition that the guy with the smaller pecker, which was often me, had to suck off the guy with the bigger cock. So..."
"I think the study is silly (that is to say limited) Where are the men who are NOT obsessed with anal-insertive sex? I am mostly a top, but mostly not into anal sex. The implication that queer sex MUST involve fucking, and that anything less is somehow inferior is a dictative prejudice--particularly in the time of HIV/AIDS. I like to think that I'm still around and healthy because I have not engaged in risky behavior. I don't think dick size has much to do with taking a top or bottom role in sex. I have known plenty of big-hung men who were either, or who liked both. What I have noticed about well-hung men is that they are sometimes narcissistic, unconcerned with mutual pleasure, tend to lay back to "get done," and think their big dicks warrant them some special treatment, as though they are god's gift to the rest of us. (I've also had wonderful lovers with ample endowments.)"
"Well this is one Bullshit study as are so many studies around gay men."

"I don't think dick size determines what you like but I think big guys tend to be more toppish and us little guys tend to do the bottom role."
"I love to suck cock and make it cum. I don't care if it big or small. They all get hard and cum . I will do both top or bottom and my cock is 6.5 and fat. When I bottom I like small ones, big ones hurt to much."
"If I had more than 4 inches I think I'd be more of a top, so maybe the study is correct."
"I actually am more willing to bottom for a guy with a medium or small cock. They seem to be better at hitting the spot to be honest. Although I do try for versatility in every relationship, I usually end up topping."
"The gay population should not be separated by groups, since people must adopt the sexual position which is more of their liking. With sex one obtains pleasure, it's not about what the partner prefers."
"I am 7.75" and I am a 100% bottom. I have known that I wanted to be the receptive partner since I was 8 years old, as it is what makes me feel complete."

"I'm a massive but I am very versatile. I will make you smile!"
"I do not agree with this study. Size has nothing to do with being top or bottom. It all depends on what you enjoy most. Me and my boyfriend both have almost same size penis,(7" if you are curious) but I'm the top and he is the bottom. Sometimes when I'm in a mood I like to be the bottom to please him, but unfortunately he really doesn't enjoy being top at all."
"I think the fact that guy's cocks vary so much is amazing. What causes that in genetics I wonder? I wonder if some day they will be able to make them surgically bigger like breast implants do now. I wish cause I'd pay for another inch or two."
"Perhaps, this study is true but only for the group studied. For me it all boils down to personal preference and what each man considers pleasurable. Unfortunately, it is assumptive that because one is gay, anal sex is a given. That couldn't be farther from the truth. It's a bit like saying all lesbians use dildos; another assumption that is so incorrect. I'm fairly well endowed (8+) but have met so many men with smaller penises that are total tops and are not bothered by their penis size. In my mind, it's the whole package as well, ie: to whom that penis is attached to. A big penis is great to look at but not always great to sit on! Being the bottom in anal sex is not for everyone and again boils down to preference, sexual mood or both."
"I have an incredibly thick cock and it is as much of a curse as a blessing. Many guys are afraid of the size. Those who are not usually can't take it anyway. Of course it's fun to try, but not real satisfying in the end. I have mostly been a top, but don't get many opportunities as a whole."
"I agree, I have a 4 1/2" cut penis, and always felt like a bottom, being very submissive when I'm with a top."
"It dosen't matter it depends on the person I have a 10'' cock and I like to bottom!"
"I love to be either top or bottom, but like to suck it more."
"I guess I've been more of a top in the sack, until recently when a guy I've been dating has been nailing me on a regular basis, sort of makes me regret what I've been missing..."
"I am 6 foot tall and my hard dick desparatley reaches 5inch, and when I meet guys they nail me down to be a submissive bottom, as they have the larger penises. They try to fuck me, and I have to give way. I definelty feel that dick size does matter in determining TOP or bottom."
"I have encountered many guys who like to brag about being tops, and to my surprize, those are the one who render the ass first. It is usually the quiet ones who usually surprize you with being a top. Top or bottom is such a sensitive issue in the gay community. Not so many like to admit that they like to bottom."
"I'm 9" uncut and decently thick, and I still prefer to bottom... It's all about the guys preferences really. I know quite a few guys who pack similarly and still prefer to bottom."
"I just want to have a partner in life whom will love me for the rest of his life!"

**Feel free to give your two cents. Click on the blue comment link below to leave your comments/feedback.














































4 comments:

  1. Your next column should be entitled, "Spelling And Grammar For the Well-Endowed."

    Just saying.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lmao@Tristan! I left most of the comments "as is" It just shows the bigger the pecker, the dumber the comment. I think it has to do with lack of blood to the brain. I need to do a study on this. I don't care how many well endowed men I have to interview or how many pork swords I have to stare at, I will get to the bottom of this!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is this a blog or is this becoming a porn site?

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's still a blog and will always be one. Unfortunately my stats show that the racier the post, the more views I get. You know that whole "sex sells" shit. The next post scheduled is going to be the complete opposite to this one. I'm just trying to give something for everyone. Even the dirty, horny, sex crazed men.

    ReplyDelete

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