August 25, 2011

Besties With Testes

A friend will keep you sane and make you laugh. Love could fill your heart and change your life. A lover can warm your bed and fill a void, but lonely is the soul without a mate. Soul and mate, two little harmless words, but when merged together have a big meaning. Is it possible that there's one perfect person out there that completes them? Does the cosmos yield a force that will bring you and your perfect mate together? What if you felt that perhaps you met him and it just didn't work out? Is that it? Do we get only one? Can I hit a redo button?

A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, compatibility and connection. It is said that a soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. I am a firm believer in fate and that everything happens for a reason. But I don't know if I truly believe in soulmates. Just the thought that there is only one person out there for you just shakes me to my core. If a soulmate is define as someone you care for deeply and have a emotional bond with, couldn't your best friends be your soulmates? As rare as true love actually is, true friendship is still harder to find. I call these best friends my "besties with testes."

Friday night the fabulous foursome that is Kevin, Bobby, Derek and myself attended a Takeover event at Allentown Brew Works (ABW) for a pre pride party. This was the first time all of us have been together for anything and hopefully not the last. Takeover's at ABW are always pretty entertaining. They always have free appetizers for us and they always have drink specials. We all took full advantage of the goodies. As an appetizer they had buffalo chicken dip which in my opinion is as addictive as crack. Kevin went up a few times for refills. I was waiting for him to put chips on one plate and pile the dip on another, but he kept it classy and just went up like three times. The drink specials included $4 margaritas and $5 cosmos. Destroying my liver one sip at a time thank you. Can we say "hot messes?"

Derek loosened up after his manhattan and started to tell me stories about past relationships. He always started the stories with "Back when I slept with everyone." Nosey ears always caught the wrong part of the story though and either stopped or did a double take. You know horny old men when they hear "huge cock" or "third leg" you get their undivided attention.

After the Takeover we ventured over to the Stonewall. Free drink and free cover equals trouble. Kevin and I stayed till the very end. You know us, it takes an elephant tranquilizer and duct tape to keep us down. I ended up making out with my friend Dylan. This seems to a recurring thing after a few drinks. He is a nice and cute, so it's ok. Kevin was flirting with a bartender and even got his number. I told him I thought he had a boyfriend, but you know Kevin he is drawn to (and they are drawn to him) guys in relationships or unhappy married guys. It's like moths to a flamer. Kevin said though, "He is cute, but looks soooooo much better when I'm drunk as fuck!" Saturday I awoke the typical way with Kevin farting and saying "Whoopies!" I was hungover of course and I still had another night of this lying ahead.

Saturday night I hung out with more besties with testes, James and Sean. We went to Philly to visit Lindsay and Bernadette. We picked Lindsay up on the way in King Of Prussia and she was her happy bubbly self. I thought she was going to eat my face that's how happy she was. We all haven't been together in such a long time, in fact I haven't even hung out with James and Sean. That bitch life always gets in the way.

  When we got to Bernadette's apartment she introduced us to her bubbly friend Tiffany. Whom we all loved right off the bat. Bernadette's building was gorgeous! I had no idea she was right in the city. No wonder she always got pissed at me when I visited Knockers and Edward (Knock actually wasn't around this time he was in New York City doing job training for Louis Vuitton.) Bernadette was literally a few blocks away from Edward's old place and I could see the Loews Hotel where Edward used to work. The multiple sitting areas of Bernadette's apartment building had lovely furniture and knickknacks. I almost wished I had brought a bigger bag and allen wrench with me. We hung out on the roof which was a furnished common area and sipped our drinks to pre-game before going out. This was our view.

I took multiple pictures and sent them to Edward. This actually was the first time I have been in the city since he moved to Atlanta. (see post "I'm Naked Y'all!") It actually felt weird without him around. My text message that accompanied the pictures said, "Miss you boo. It's not the same in the city without you." He responded with, "I miss you too. You should be playing Monopoly with us. There is a space here for you." He seems really happy in Atlanta and is even dating a really sweet southern gentleman. I seriously need one of those to butter my biscuits!

  After our pre-gaming it was off to Tavern On Camac. We stayed downstairs in the piano bar for a little bit. Bernadette and Tiffany are big show tune/musical fans, so they each sung a little bit with the pianist. (I like that word "pianist" reminds me of something else.) I'll admit I'm a bad gay. I like musicals and stuff, but haven't seen that many so half of songs I have no idea what they are from. I need to branch out more and see some more shows. While the girls were singing I was distracted by a gorgeous hunk of man in a light blue tank top. He had pecs for days and I seriously wanted to lick him like a salt lick. The pickin's at Tavern where a mixture of men. There were a lot of hot gay nerds. I love a hot gay nerd. They tend to be shyer, but as Kevin would say, "They are so smarticle!" One hot gay nerd actually was checking me out a little while he ordered a drink and even smiled. He had on a polo shirt and khaki shorts with the ends rolled up above his knees. He resembled a park ranger and as he walked away I turned to Lindsay and said, "He was cute, in a save the orcas kind of way." I don't know where I come up with this shit sometimes.

We all went upstairs to check it out. They were playing 90's style dance music mixed into today's style. James and Sean started dancing followed by Bernadette. James and Bernadette took some risqué pictures together involving James discostick. Tiffany and I watched from the sidelines, while Lindsay ordered another drink. We noticed this Puerto Rican or light skinned black guy starting to move closer to Sean. Sean is very popular among any ethic group. He is huge in Asian circles. Sean and this guy started to do a little dirty dancing. When Sean put his hand on top of the other guy's head Tiffany and I could tell he ended up getting a handful of Jheri Curl Hair Product! We laughed hysterically as we watched Sean wipe his hand on his jeans with this disgusted look on his face.

After busting some moves, we did shots of Goldschläger. Bernadette did Sean's shot as well because he didn't want anymore. This is where it became, "Are You There Goldschläger? It's Me, Bernadette." The Goldschläger was pure evil with flecks of gold. It truly knocked us all on our asses! The walk home consisted of Bernadette not being able to walk a straight line and Lindsay touching absolutely every object as she walked by it. Sean kept telling her she was going to get some sort of infection, but that didn't deter her from running her fingers over every single surface. Purell please!

When we finally got back to Bernadette's building I could tell she just needed to pass out. She changed into her pj's and crawled onto the daybed. The rest of us went up to the roof to eat our snacks we purchased at Wawa on our way back. I of course made myself another drink because obviously I didn't have enough. After saying our goodbyes to Tiffany (she lived only a couple blocks away) we got ready for bed. James and Sean slept in Bernadette's bed, Lindsay slept on the couch in the living room and I slept on a mattress that was pulled out from underneath the daybed Bernadette was sleeping on. I guess when Lindsay and I got into our beds we woke Bernadette up and she needed some water. My life flashed before my eyes as she climbed over me to get to the kitchen. Her muffin was dangerously close to smothering me. It was a UFO, Unidentified Flying Ovaries! I never thought my life would end by a vagina falling on me, I always thought it would be by choking on a huge cock or something. I adverted the muffin my quickly turning my head, but she did miss me only by a couple of inches. If Kevin would have been with us and in that bed all he would have had to do was stick out his tongue.

The next morning was hangover city for me. I felt like a Mac truck hit me. After saying our goodbyes and dropping Lindsay off, the boys and I finally headed home. I finally got home around 2:45 in the afternoon and after a quick shower I just crashed! I was suppose to meet Bobby for Pride In The Park, but my body was saying, "No, No, No!" Hopefully next year I'll make it.

The past weekend really reassured me that I have in fact met my soulmates. All my best friend's personalities are so different and I truly wouldn't have it any other way. I love them all. Who needs a man when I have so many besties with testes.