They say that 80% of all relationships form now online. I believe it! Over the years I've seen the growth in online gay dating sites and now dating apps right on your smart phone. Most gay men today use these sites to either meet that special someone, meet friends, hookups, networking, and just to chat. Checking your messages on these sites have now become as common as checking your email. It's an everyday thing.
I use the term "gay dating sites" loosely because most gay men don't even know what real dating is! They use the term "dating" as a another word for hooking up and nothing more. With sites like Manhunt, Adam4Adam and Gay.com discreetly meeting men has become relatively easy. With smart phone apps like Grindr and Jack'd, technology has put gaydar right in your pocket.
Grindr has lead the way it is the largest all male location-based mobile network tool for Android, iPhone, iPod touch, iPad and BlackBerry! Unlike traditional website for dating or social networking, Grindr and Jack'd are meant to be mobile. They use the GPS technology in your mobile device to instantly locate guys in your area. Sounds a little scary doesn't it? Especially when it says that someone is 5 feet away from you. It makes stalking someone a hell of a lot easier! You call it stalking, I call it intense research on a certain individual. These smart phone apps have replaced the personal hello with private messaging someone whom may only be a couple feet away from you. Guys use it to "break the ice." Hellos have been replaced with dick pics and "you're hot" greetings.
For whatever reason you use gay dating sites or apps there should be a form of etiquette to follow. I've chatted/interviewed people and these are their biggest dating profile pet peeves.
•A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words
It's 2011 people if you don't have a picture in your profile, what's wrong with you!? Knockers says "Nothings annoys me more if they don't have a face pic or any pic for that matter!" If you're using a mobile app there's a freaking camera attached to your phone! Not having a picture is not an excuse anymore.
I know there are times when you don't want to show your face, that's why there's always a sea of headless torsos, but it's polite to at least send or unlock a photo if you're interested in someone. Another pet peeve I find so annoying is when someone asks for a face pic and they don't even have one posted or it's just a body shot. Don't ask for a picture unless you send one first.
Having recent photos is always best. I personally say don't use a photo that is more than few years old. When you do actually plan to meet up you wouldn't like a guy showing up at your door looking nothing like his photo and neither does your potential date. Always, ALWAYS use a picture of yourself. No fakes, please.
•I'm Just Looking For Friends, Wanna Fuck?
We've all seen this before. You ask someone what they are looking for exactly and they say, "just friends" and then they try to remove your underwear with their teeth. I don't know about you, but I don't play like that with my friends. A common phrase is "I don't just hookup." or "I really don't hook up." Many guys love to say they never hookup, some actually don't, but some by the end of the first date they are often doing just that with their legs up in the air and a smile on their face. Kile said he can't stand when profiles say "Looking for a long term relationships or friendships," Then sending a message like, "Let me suck your dick!" Be honest with what you are looking for. If you want friends, fine. If you're looking for a relationship, fine. If you're a slutty male escort with a huge cock, fine. If you wanna bump uglies behind Red Robin, fine. Just be honest on your profile and with yourself.
•Listing All The Things I Don't Want And All The Things I Do. We all have preferences yes, but when does it go too far? Out of all the pet peeves this one has everyone's panties twisted. Too many people are focused on what they think their ideal partner, friend or hookup should be, they let potentially awesome guys slip away because they don't fit their citeria of hot. Tristan agrees, "I get irritated when they use any part of the limited space in a profile to exclude people and be rude. "Nobody over 40! No black guys!" and the like. Sorry kid, you don't get enough email to require a personal assistant. Get over yourself and realize that you've shut off a potentially very big group of interesting people. The one that I guess does bug me is the vague negative, ie "Get away disgusting old guys." Only because the definition of old is VERY vague. So if I'm any older than you at all, I'm not gonna bother saying hi." Which I have to add is a shame because Tristan is one of nicest and most respectful people I know. He is a gem in a beach full of sand.
Douchebagsofgrindr.com
One of my Twitter followers stated, "I hate when guys just put what they're NOT looking for, and the list is really long. Judgemental much?!" Bobby feels the same way and adds, "When guys put no Fats/Fems" it annoys me because they are already starting out on a negative note, like they are better then these people! They are putting it right out there, and doing it in a derogatory manner. I also hate the "Be Masc" guess what boys? You're looking to have sex with/date/cuddle/kiss a guy, some people might not consider that overly masculine!" Bobby's right that's not really "straight acting" is it? When a gay guy tells me he is "straight acting" I always say, "so you suck dick and pretend to hate it? I never went to that acting school."
Douchebagsofgrindr.com
This pet peeve is so popular that it even fueled the creation of the site www.douchebagsofgrindr.com, where you can find "All your douchebag needs from the profiles of Grindr." The site features profiles of guys from Grindr being complete assholes. From guys being racists to arrogant they all are featured here.
Douchebagsofgrindr.com
I don't know which is more entertaining the profiles from Grindr itself or the comments people leave for the douchebags. Either way there is a lesson to be learned from this website. There's enough bigots out there. Why as an LGBT community must we behave this way amongst ourselves? Don't we receive enough hate from the world? You can say what you are looking for without being a douchebag.
•Age is Just A Number, Right?
If people say you look 23, but you're really 33, guess what honey you're not 23! Don't lie about your age. No one wants to be lied to. Just be honest. If the Twink thinks you are too old, then they are missing out on a great opportunity. It is totally their loss! If you're chasing after someone whom is extremely younger than you perhaps there are bigger issues at play here. Sometimes older men feel the need to lie about their age because:
1) They have a fear of getting older and want to remain that Peter Pan playing with his lost boys forever.
2) They feel that the younger gay men won't be into them ie "No old disgusting guys!" so they lie about their age to make themselves more appealing.
I am a firm believer in "age is just a number" to a point! If you are just looking for a friend or a hookup then who really cares how old the person is. My biggest pet peeve is when older gay men continuously chase after younger gay men for relationships. The younger guy hasn't even experienced life yet and you want to tie him down because that's what you're into. No wonder it doesn't work out or he isn't interested. It's extremely common for guys in their 40's to chase after the gay Twink crowd 18-23. You're old enough to be their father and yet you're shocked when it doesn't work out? I believe in the 10 year rule. I'm 32 so I usually won't date anyone younger than 22 or older than 42. Of course there's always exceptions to this rule. Don't let an awesome guy slip away. It's just a guideline I use, but I'll never put in my profiles "no oldies" it's rude. I have friends of all ages. But in terms of dating, I feel anyone ten years older or younger than me will not have things in common with me. If you're 40 chasing only after 20 year olds wondering why you aren't having any luck, perhaps it is time you wake up and smell the hemorrhoid cream, because chances are, that 20 year old doesn't need it.
•Skanks, Sluts, And Whores
Gay dating sites can be very frustrating for those guys that truly want to meet someone worth wild. A Twitter follower states, "Gay men never seem to wanna settle, just hookup." I told him to hang in there and not everyone is like that, but I feel his pain. Most dating sites have become easier ways to find guys to hookup with. Like Bobby says, "Why do so many have that Pinocchio complex they all want no strings attached." For those of you that just want to use these sites for hooking up, that's fine. But don't be nasty to the ones that turn you down or continue to harass them after they have said no.
Kevin hates it when guys on apps like Grindr don't even start up a normal conversation they just ask for sex or send dick pics right away. Kevin said, "You know me, I'm known to be a complete asshole to the skanks!" I know what you're thinking hello pot, meet kettle, but even Kevin would like a normal conservation and at least an introduction first before licking your balls with his huge tongue. I told Kevin, "You are just threatened and don't want to be out skanked!" He laughed. Knockers states, "I know most use it for hooking up, but when u get a message like "when are you free?" it's really annoying." Again it all comes down to being honest with what you are looking for. If you're just looking for hookups clearly state that in your profile. If you want something serious or just friends clearly state that. And for all you hookeruppers if you see on someone's profile they aren't into hookups then why are you messaging them asking for it in the first place?
•Be RespectfulYou'll be surprised on how far politeness will actually get you, whether it's just chatting or meeting for the first time. Apparently a huge pet peeve is the "no response." Picture it, you see the man of your dreams on Adam4Adam. You can totally picture buying some cats and furniture from ikea together. His profile is perfect. He is into bondage and latex too! You private message him and get no response at all. Maybe he is um tied up, but most likely he just ignored you. Dylan said, "I can't stand it when guys just delete a message without replying back. Just say you aren't interested." Bobby says he sees this all the time and it's one of his biggest pet peeves. "When their profile reads 'Say something more than "Hi" or "Hey", be original"... Most of the men on these sites see a message from someone and without thinking twice they close/delete the message like it never happened. I refuse to put any effort into an opening greeting when chances are, they are just going to ignorantly close the message as soon as they feel my picture isn't deemed worthy of their time. If its too much trouble for a guy to say "hello" back to me then he has probably saved us both time and energy because I wouldn't be interested in a guy who starts out on that foot."
•I Have A Boyfriend
If you're in a monogamous loving relationship then why do you have a profile on a dating site? Unless you're in an open relationship or looking for a third to join in with you and your hunny, you shouldn't be on a gay dating site. I have seen and know for a fact that these sites create nothing but problems for so called happy couples! They can create drama where there doesn't need to be drama. Why are you going to risk your relationship just to chat with the jockboy who is hung like horse? I've seen relationships form because of gay dating sites, but I have also seen relationships destroyed because of them. These sites are suppose to mainly cater towards single men. I hate when they use the excuse that they are just looking for friends. If that's the case then I believe Facebook would be a better option for you. At least there you can't send dick pics back and forth to each other. So I urge you, if you are truly happy in your relationship delete all your dating site profiles. If your partner doesn't know about them, he will. If you don't think he won't find out about the conversations you've had or the activities you've done on the sites, he will. Either he will find out on his own or someone you've been talking too will tell him. Some people love to create problems for people in relationships don't give them the ammo.
•Have FunApps like Grindr were created to be fun and provide a way to meet new and interesting people easier. So with that being said, have fun with it! For whatever reason you use gay dating sites that's really your prerogative. They may not lead to the love of your life, or even a hookup, but you may find a friend or someone interesting to talk too. Remember to always play safe if you meet and use your head not your penis. Bad decisions today could lead to heartbreak and regret tomorrow.
So what do you do when you actually get that first date? Check out the post
Dating Etiquette for more tips.
