Nature Vs Nurture? By Drew

It's the time old argument, Nature Vs. Nurture…. are we born this way, as Lady Gaga loudly sings, or are we born straight and experiences turn us gay? Having lied to myself for many years about who and what I was attracted to, I have often asked myself if I had a choice, if it is a phase, if therapy could help me overcome this attraction…… Recently I have thought of a hypothesis that could possibly incorporate sexuality as nature, nurture, and both a combination of the two.

So, as everyone learned from Mrs. Frizzle and the Magic School Bus, our DNA or genes (mine American Eagle 32x32) dictate pretty much every biological thing about us, from eye and hair color to nearsightedness, even if you can curl your tongue. It makes sense then to believe that they also dictate our sexuality. If they didn't then how could we have survived as a species?

The biological need to reproduce is a primary characteristic of all life; even single celled organisms reproduce, though it is not as much fun as hopping on the good foot and doing the bad deed.

This is also where some people argue that it is unnatural to be homosexual, it doesn't result in this propagation of the species, and is a trait that, if we apply the survival of the fittest attitude of Darwin, would have been phased out within the infancy of a species. What is the purpose of life, for a basic organism, if not to reproduce? But there have been moes throughout the recorded history of man (evidence to the fact: cave-paintings featuring Nutbuster Neanderthal fisting his favorite twink, Grunter) so how can we explain this phenomenon? Is it a genetic mutation that randomly occurs in 10% of the population? Or is it something else that makes us who we are? This is where the nurture arguments arise.

A counter-opinion to the organic definition of our sexuality is that everyone is born straight but become gay through various experiences in their lives. To many moes, I know this seems ridiculous, the idea that our sexuality is a product of our up-bringing; it is as if we are to blame for the development of our mind set. And that it is therefore something for which we can go to counseling, complain about our mothers, maybe take pills or something, and be "cured" of our mental disease that is the desire to slob on another guys knob, as if we are bi-polar or depressed.

(Little fun fact, in Hitler's Reich, lesbianism was considered a curable disease, but gays were persecuted just as the Jews. Thankfully for the gays at the time, they were a bit harder to identify as whipping it out and checking for a foreskin.) But, if we are able to take a step back, for some of us that step is more like a leap back, and calm down a bit, there is something to be said about the argument. If we look at homosexuality as just a fetish, as if it were BDSM, role-play, leather, etc etc then it doesn't seem too inconceivable that our preference for sweet, hung beefcake is any different than dressing up in a nurse's outfit and playing doctor. Freud would say that our kinky boudoir preferences stem from our love for our mother and the subsequent fear our father would castrate us if he ever found out, or something relating to that nature. But really, how many of us actually ask ourselves why we like the things we do?

I personally am a bit of a masochist. Does that have anything to do with my father disciplining me with a belt? Maybe, I don't know. Why is orange my favorite color? Is it because I am balanced and tempered? (If you knew me personally you would be lawling right now) But the problem with this whole nurture argument is the inability to account for all the possible scenarios or even the common scenarios that every moe has had and that every straight hasn't had. Take for example two male twins, where one is gay… if they haven't had as close to the same life then I don't know what has. So is it possible for a third option, maybe a mix of the two?

For me personally, the two possible "causes", if you will, of homosexuality to do not satisfy rationality, they both have flaws in their arguments and some logical possibilities. Maybe they are both possible and maybe there is an opportunity that they are not mutually exclusive. Could it be that a person is born without a defined sexuality and their genetic material allows for environmental stimuli to mold the individual's sexuality? (This differs slightly from the above argument that we are straight when born and become gay, or choose to be gay). The basis of this idea is a theory I learned while studying linguistics called Universal Grammar and postulates first language acquisition.

Noam Chomsky developed this theory that basically says we, as human beings, are genetically designed and capable to learn any language as our first language. He depicts it as a giant switchboard of un-switched switches. (Say that 10 times fast). While we are growing up and exposed to language, these switches are switched depending on the various aspects of the language, and we become native speakers of such language. So, if we apply a similar theory for sexuality (and not just homo V. hetero but everything under the sun from BDSM, asexual, schadenfreude, bisexual, drag queens….the list goes on and on and on…) where we are born into this world as cute, innocent, nonsexual-deviants and as we slowly, progressively grow older and experience the world, and it's horrible people, our sexual identity grows and develops along with it. For example: maybe events in my adolescences can explain why I prefer fair eyed, fair haired, in-shape, masculine guys who are willing to properly nibble on my collar. But I guess I would need a session with Dr. Freud to properly identify which experience caused which preference in my sexuality. That would probably take a life time….

But in the end, none of it really matters. Yes, it is definitely something cool to think about, theorize, and argue (in good fun) about, but really it does not matter. Regardless of the stance or theory you prescribe to, the end result is the same; whatever a person's sexuality is out of the control for that person and irreversible. If we are born gay then, we are just as natural as a four-leaf clover. If every human is born straight and through various circumstances we very cool, select few become gay, then that's a fact of life, and such with life, you must work with what you are given. And say we are born a clean slate and our sexuality develops alongside our ability to understand and function in the world around us then our sexual desires are as mundane as our favorite color.

Written By ~Drew

Another post written by Drew:
DADT

Sticks & Stones

Before I danced at my first gay club, experienced my first kiss with another man, pranced around in nothing but glitter and a thong, before I even knew I was gay or what being gay even was. There was this preconceived notion that I was a Faggot. This of course caused the daily relentless torture from the kids in my school. From 6th grade until I was a senior in high school it didn't stop for one day. I know why I was a target. Middle school and high school is all about blending in and no matter how hard I tried I could only stand out. I was a chubby redhead with bad skin! I was just as round as I was tall. Kind of resembling an apple with Ronald McDonald hair! And to top it all off my voice was so high it was like someone constantly had my balls in a vice. (Voice hasn't changed much, but at least it's at a lower octave. I no longer make a signal only dogs can hear.)

Being teased is normal for everyone while growing up, but for some it crosses the line from teasing to heinous acts. It is no longer just harmless playground teasing. My life everyday felt like a living hell and at times I felt like there was no escape. I felt helpless. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can bruise just as easily.

I dreaded school every single day, but before I even made it to school I feared the bus stop and bus ride. As I waited for my bus to arrive, kids would throw rocks at me. One time someone threw an ice ball at my face. It actually gave me a black eye and split my lip open. The kid got a detention, but that was it and then went back to bullying me more. I remember having live worms put down the back of my shirt. I got even when a girl started laughing at me. I flung the worm at her and it stuck to her cheek. She screamed and didn't tease me again after that. Because of all the issues I had at the bus stop I used to try to arrive as late as possible even if it involved me running down the hill to catch the bus. The bus ride was just as bad. By the time the bus came to my stop it usually was very full and everyone had to share a seat. I was treated like I had a horrible disease and no one would let me sit with them. Sometimes I had to sit on the floor. Thankfully it was only a ten minute drive. The bus driver did nothing! In fact he yelled at me not at the kids that taunted me, even after I explained why I was on the floor.

My school days involved being pushed in the hallways and daily use of the words gay, fairy, faggot and homo were screamed at me. Soda was poured in my book bag and there was one time Gatorade was poured on my head. I still hate Gatorade to this day. I won't drink it. Kids also had cruel nicknames they called me which I'm not going to share because they haunted me forever! Kids would harass me even in front of teachers and again most teachers did nothing! I had only a few classes I felt completely safe in.

I will admit that thoughts of suicide did enter my head. When people constantly drill into your head 60 times a day that you are worthless you start to believe it. So how did I get through it all? Well, it wasn't easy. Fortunately for me I had a wonderful teacher that looked out for me. She had a no tolerance for bullying and disrespectful behavior in her classroom! I used to eat lunch in her classroom and spent study halls and free periods there. I escaped from my troubles with writing (Still do! Even though my creative writing teacher hated everything I wrote.) and I was big into art. I always turned to my creatively and it kept me going. Whenever I got home from school. I left school at school. Which means I left all the negatively and hurtful remarks there. I had a great support system at home. My mom was always there for me. She doesn't know half of what I went through, but mom's always know when something is wrong and she did the best she could. By the time I was a senior things got better. I just kept thinking that it's almost over and I never have to see any of these assholes ever again! Now, I rarely see my old classmates and when I do they usually don't recognize me.

If you experience bullying or violence because you are a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender just remember:
•You matter and have a place in the world. You're important!
•You are not alone - help and support is only a phone call away or online.
•Be proud of who you are!

Over a ten-year period more than 7,000 LGBT middle and high school students (aged 13-21), were surveyed:
-Eight in ten LGBT students had been verbally harassed at school.
-Four in ten had been physically harassed at school.
-Six in ten felt unsafe at school.
-One in five had been the victim of a physical assault at school.
-Unfortunately, these types of experiences with violence also occur outside of school and may continue into young adulthood.

One of the biggest problems today is that the word "gay" is used in a derogatory manner in every day language. One of the most popular phrasings is "That's so gay!" The word "gay" is used in place of stupid or weird. It's used by adults and by kids. Adults that use this phrase even if it is in a harmless manner are still causing harm. Adults that say "That's so gay" are teaching their children at an early age that gay is wrong. Kids associate the word "gay" with being weird or stupid and then are more likely to tease kids that they perceive are different. Parents need to realize that not only do children learn their behavior in school they learn it from you. My advice to teachers that hear gay being used in a derogatory manner is not to ignore it! Chances are it's worse when they leave the classroom. Tell the student that you will not torrent it in your class. If there are any LGBT students in your class this will show them that this is a "safe place" for them.

Kevin states, "People do say "That's so gay or he's so gay" a lot, not meaning to be offensive usually, but when children hear it they are so impressionable!" Faggot is also another word that is being used and it's unacceptable! Kevin says, "Faggot is worse than the word "gay" and thrown around a lot jokingly. It's not funny. Kids say that way more than they used too!" In my discussion with Kevin I said, "You're right! You know gay guys never refer to each other as faggots. We don't use that word to describe ourselves. Well unless its a dirty porno." Kevin laughed and said, "Yeah, when they say... "Yeaaaaa you like that you little faggot?" Pound! Pound! Pound! Pound! Pound! I've seen that before in porn!" Then I had a visional of what he was saying and lost my train of thought... Oops!

Another issue contributing to bullying is technology. My mom says, "Computers are evil! I swear one day they will all come to life and kill us while we sleep!" Unlike when I was in school I could escape the torment by going home. Now the bullies follow the victim everywhere! They use the Internet, social media and texting. Cyber-bullying is increasing at a rapid rate. The victim feels like they have no escape from the harassment. No way out.

A survey of over 400 middle school, high school and college students between the ages of 11 and 22 (including 350 self-identified non-heterosexual subjects) found:
-54% of LGBT youth had been victims of cyberbullying within the past 30 days.
-45% of the respondents "reported feeling depressed as a result of being cyber-bullied."
-38% felt embarrassed.
-28% felt anxious about attending school.
-More than a quarter (26%) had suicidal thoughts!

If you are a victim of cyber-bullying there's things you can do.
 1. Most states have cyber-bullying laws in place and you can fight back. Here's a link that can help: www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=13495#Laws
2. Don't respond to the bullying remarks.
3. Make copies of what they are saying to you and save everything in a file. This way if they delete their profile or the conversation you have proof.
4. Delete all the negative comments the bully posts about you.
5. Block them! Almost all social networking sites like Facebook have a blocking feature...use it! There may also be a feature where you can report users.

The gay community has made a lot of accomplishments since I've been out of the closet. With the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (Maybe now I can be a towel boy for the army. "I'm sorry! I'm all out of big towels, here's a washcloth to dry off with.") and all the states that are slowly getting on board with gay marriage. (Accepting applications for a husband now!) I feel we are slowly headed in the right direction. BUT there's still so much yet to be done and so much negatively towards us that needs to be shattered.

Mostly everyone has heard of the recent suicides among young teens. The gay Rutgers student who took his own life after his intimate encounters were broadcasted over the Internet! Then there were the tragic suicides of two 13-year olds who experienced constant ridicule for being gay. A 14-year old that made a heartbreaking It Gets Better video on YouTube and then 4 months later felt his only way out was to end his own life! These of course are just a few of cases that the media latched onto. How many others must die before something is done? How many others are facing daily harassment as a result of their sexual orientation? Are you one them? When will it stop!? Unlike being born gay, bullies aren't born bullies they are taught. We can end this! We can change this! Stop the bullying.

For those of you that are being bullied please stay strong. It sounds cliche but it does get better. Those bullies will probably all end up being fat, bald and pumping your gas. "That's alright, that's okay you're gonna pump my gas someday!" The popular mean kids never stay popular after school. Just remember there has to be a little rain before there's a rainbow. Don't you wanna be around to see it?


Here's messages from the Queer Dirty Laundry characters:
"From 5th grade to 7th grade I was bullied cause I was "girlish" and it was pretty intense for a while. But then I kinda learned how to fade into the background until school was over. Then it all got better. Although it seems really bad school doesn't last forever. It will be a distance memory one day!" ~Bobby

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” ~James

"Bullies are the people that feel the need to take out their own insecurities on other people. While being bullied can be hurtful and scary just remember that you are a stronger and much better person than those doing the bullying! Don't let them bring you down, let them bring you up to being an even better person! Don't let them take your life and your soul! STAY STRONG AND ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!"
~Lindsay

“The sun always rises the next day.” ~Knockers

"People may call you a fag, a girl, a homo, but screw them because you are being just who you were meant to be. There's so many others out there that are just like you! Welcome to the world! It's a shitty place, but stick around long enough and you will find happiness. When you don't think anyone will love you for you I guarantee you someone already does!" ~Kevin

"No matter how bad things get and no matter who puts you down, you can always rely on yourself. Love who you are because when you love yourself, you are letting someone else look up to you for guidance." ~Derek

"YOU are strong as shit!" ~Jules

"You do not need to put on a brave face when you are in pain. Talk, find someone, anyone and just talk. There are people out there who will listen. Trust, believe, there is love..." If you need someone to talk to email me: Horrorj2007@yahoo.com ~Edward

"Each day allows you to begin writing a new chapter of your life, whether it be a short one or one that extends for years, the important thing is you're the author and no one can change that!" ~Bethany

"If you want a rainbow, you have to get past the rain." ~Sean

"Us old farts need something to look at when we go to the bars. There's more support from the gay population now more than ever, with countless ways of reaching out. We've all been there, and know what it's like, but it does get better as life goes on." ~George

"Bullying won't stop. It will happen throughout your life in many different shapes and forms...But being aware and remaining positive will get you through it. You won't ever be alone!" ~Lynn

"Hold your head up high and when they're not looking, pee in their water ice!" ~Sven

"You can always count on your friends and family!" ~Lola

"Few blows feel more devastating than an attack on our fundamental self, whether that's sexual orientation, skin color, gender, family, or even our mannerisms. How can we adequately defend the circumstances of our birth, for better or for worse? More important, why do we feel the need to defend, meeting the aggressor on his own uneven playing field?

There are no easy answers – and to dwell on negativity can diminish our confidence and lead us into self-doubt. So, what to do? How to respond?

Do this: Hold your head high. Be proud – never ashamed – of who you are, where you're from, or whom you love. It's not easy to ignore repeated taunts and insults. But your only real fault comes by refusing to embrace yourself, by not growing to your full potential.

My promise to you: It ends. Guaranteed. You don't believe that now, and you can't see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. But your light is there. Embrace yourself. Be proud. Never apologize for who you are. Because it ends. I promise." ~Tristan

***All the photos used in this post are linked to sites that can help. Just click on them. Remember you are not alone.

Question: You're Gay & Amish?

Horse and buggy, quilts, plain clothes, homes without electricity, shoofly pie, churning butter, men with long beards but no mustaches, cornfed Pennsylvania Dutch speaking hot guys (ok maybe that one is a far stretch, but you never know.) and children with names like Amos and Fannie challenging each other to footraces, are a just a few things that come to my mind when I think of the Amish. With a population of over 249,000 there has to be Amish individuals whom are gay, right?

Being gay is hard enough, but when you add a very religious, confined structure to the mix it's downright impossible to be who you really are. If you are born gay and born Amish can the two coexist? So what would happen to the Amish gay individual if he stays in his community? He's shunned. They are made to feel like outcasts. Their friends and relatives cannot speak to them, touch them, or eat with them during meals. The Amish community's goal is to get the person shamed into repenting, or to make the guy feel so lonely he'll leave the community.

Perhaps the only way a young gay Amish adult can experience the gay life without being shunned is during rumspringa. Rumspringa is a religious rite-of-passage. It means in Pennsylvania Dutch "running wild". I just had a picture of Girls Gone Wild With Bonnets pop in my head, but I assume things don't get that crazy. Rumspringa, is a period of time when young Amish adults can sample the temptations normally banned within their religious communities. Some choose to return while others never go back and try to adapt to modern society.

Meet James Schwartz (born 2/19/78), a Michigan native who grew up in an Old Order Amish community.

James is a gay poet and the author of "The Literary Party: Growing Up Gay and Amish in America" (inGroup Press 2011). James tells his unique story through his poetry. It's raw, sexual, emotional and above all else it's very relatable. You can catch a glimmer of yourself in his words because everyone has felt "that way" at least once.Unbutton the shirt slowly
He might like that
The pants lie forgotten on his floor
I smell of the sea
I smell of showers
I smell of cologne
He might like that
Toothpaste and raspberry cocktails
Mingle in frantic kisses deep
Unbutton the shirt slowly
He likes that
Tonight
from The Literary Party: Growing Up Gay and Amish in America

"What does a 21st century poet do, but to take it off!" James said while submitting me this pic of himself. Can you sense his rebellious behavior?

Here's another poem by James Schwartz:Rivers
Lay his hands upon my hardworking own.
Kiss my painted lips with a warrior's rue.
Entangled tongues, restless lungs, gasp, groan.
As mystery of history dawns true.
I loved him at first stare and first silence.
As mere minutes later he took me down.
Killing, filling with the sweetest violence.
Feeling the music though there was no sound.
Glazed eyes gazed amazed at praised flesh and bone.
Worshipful raptures wrapped in regal hush.
Going before God of Ganymedes' throne.
The rush of lust in spring forests lie lush.
In conquered land by embrace and in haste.
Revealed reveries and rivers to taste

For more information on James Schwartz and more poetry visit:
literaryparty.blogspot.com/
jamesschwartz.towerofbabel.com/And you can follow James on Twitter at: Twitter.com/queeraspoetry

Question: What are your thoughts? What would you do if you were gay and Amish? Would you leave your family and friends to live the "gay life" openly? Or would you abide by the rules of the church and conceal who you are from your Amish community just to stay? I feel either way it's an extremely hard decision.
Please click on the blue comment link below to post your opinions.

Flashback

Derek: "So how old is your friend going to be?"
Me: "I believe he is turning 30."
Derek: "Isn't that considered gay death?"
Me: "Ew! I'm 32!"
Derek: "I'm aware, but aren't you a zombie?"
Me: "Yeah and I'm totally going to eat you!"

That was our conversation a couple days before the party. I can't help but feel Derek is right. I mean after I turned 30 things started to go downhill. My body has changed and I swear I can't recover from a night of partying like I used too! I wake up feeling like an old man and even walking like an old man. You know what I'm talking about. They always walk around like their balls are hanging down by their ankles! I check mine everyday and I swear they are slowly moving in that direction! Like the gravitational pull is tugging on them ever so slightly. I even accidentally sat on my balls the other day, can we say, "ouchie?"

I'm slowly watching my youth go down the drain. I know, I know I sound so dramatic but it takes a blow torch, sandpaper, plaster and some Spanx now to get ready. I'll admit I still do get carded for liquor. It's a wonderful feeling. Like a tickle that starts up my leg and goes all the way to my home entertainment center! I was asked by a waitress one time on what I do to stay so young? Without even skipping a beat, Kevin chimed in with, "It's all the cum facials he gets." I wish sometimes that was true. I guess you would leave it on and then peel it off? Kinda like a pore mask?

I find it extremely difficult to be in your 30's, single and gay. It has become an adjustment I'm still getting used too. I no longer receive the attention I got when I was in my 20's. My 20 something year old friends seem to get all the attention now and then I just become a bystander. My ginger needs to be tickled too you know!

Most gay men (can't say all there's still good guys out there.) are superficial fickle bitches they all want that cute young, dumb and full of cum Twink. I'll admit I like the pretty things too, but as I get older I find my interests are turning towards more mature minded individuals. (Whether they be older than me or not.)
This past Saturday I was invited to my friend O's Totally Awesome 80's Themed Surprise Birthday Party that his sister Natalie was throwing for him. (For background info on O and Natalie see the posts The Intimacy Debate and I Do.) I brought Derek with. He needed a distraction while his boyfriend is away and I think he was more excited about dressing up all 80's style than I was. The party was a walk down memory lane or at least what I do remember from the 80's. After all I was young. I mostly remember my idols like Rainbow Brite, Jem, and Strawberry Shortcake. Yeah, I guess I really was born gay. Just me and my Sit~N~Spin and Glowworm. Flaming mo in the making!

Natalie was passing out candy bracelets, glow bracelets and Pop Rocks! I actually heard that Pop Rocks are good with oral sex (If anyone has tried this let me know.) and that urban legend of them with soda is false. I ate mine with vodka and sprite. My stomach did not explode. Cans of Aqua Net were spread out, it was a party of big crimped hair and leg warmers. O and his GBF (Gay Best Friend) Joshua were dressed looking like Village People rejects waiting for the YMCA to open. Joshua's ensemble left little to the imagination with the fishnet tank and the short shorts. When I was sitting on the couch and his crotch was eye level all I could see was his nut huggers. He even showed me he had tightie whities on under them. Now that's sticking to the era!

I told O, "Welcome to my box now. I hope you like it." I of course was referring to the age box you check off when you fill out forms or surveys not my hump tunnel. He seemed like he enjoyed himself at the party. It got pretty interesting when an older angry woman called him a "fuck face" (she meant it in a loving way) and O's cousin got all offended. (The same woman earlier was hating on Derek and asked him what his beanie was. She also stared me down like she wanted to use my remains for furniture.) I almost thought there was gonna be an older lady showdown, but after some talking they seemed to become friends. Who knew fuck face could lead to friends?

  I certainly hope O enjoys his 30's. So if 30 is considered Gay Death and in your 30's you're consider a Zombie, then what are you when you reach 40? The Crypt Keeper? I will try to maintain a youthful appearance as long as there's anti wrinkle cream available. Hey even tonight a sweet cute 20 year old told me, "You're gorgeous! You definitely still give me a tent in the pants." I'll take the compliment even though at that age drywall turns the young ones on. I don't know if I still have "it" but I got something and I'm gonna work that. I'll still be keeping an eye on my balls though. Hey! I think they are even closer to my ankles now!! Shit!

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are

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Question: Were We Born This Way?

I recently was flipping through the channels on TV and I came across the Dr. Drew show. His topic was about religious groups that gay people join to pretty much "pray the gay out of them." Dr. Drew had this one guy on whom joined a group to overcome his gay lifestyle. He said now he is 100% straight. This religious cult guy spoke as if being gay was a type disease or some sort of phase instead of a lifestyle. He made it sound like if you were committed to change and prayed hard enough you to could love the vagina. Sounds like denial to me!

My question this week is; Do you feel you were truly born this way? Do you think this type of "reform" is possible? And let's just say hypothetically, if being gay was a disease and scientists had a cure, would you take the magic pill that made you love pooter?
Click on the blue comment link below to leave your answer and feedback. Remember all comments can be left anonymously.