DADT By Drew

I guess I am not your average gay guy. Few people know that I suck dick, and I like it that way. I tell my friends, who know about me, and the guys I meet from Grindr and Jack'd that I don't consider myself "gay." I see myself as a brother, a son, an uncle, and a soldier first. Sexuality to me is something that stays in the bedroom and the occasional motel room. I do not own a rainbow flag, well a rainbow anything. I don't strut around public in my underwear and the sexiest pair of underwear I own is spandex that the Army issued me. The reason I am stating all this up front is so you, the reader, can have the grain of salt while reading what I have to say about DADT.

In 2009 I enlisted in the U.S. Navy and attended basic training at RTC Great Lakes, IL. It was probably one of the most influential life changing events in my life. I learned a lot about myself and what it means to be a service member. Now at the time I was in big denial with myself about my sexuality, which looking back is outrageous that I could lie to myself like I did. In high school I never had to shower after gym class and the sports I played didn't really do the locker room thing like football, baseball etc. So this was the first exposure I had to showers en mass with peers. (I never lived in dorms at college) So this was an actual fear of mine before being in the situation. I was afraid of sporting some wood while in the showers with a bunch of my shipmates. Thankfully though, whether it was the salt-peter in the eggs, the physical exhaustion from training, or the fear of retribution of being a homo by my peers and subsequent dis-honorable discharge from the Navy I was able to keep flaccid. Mind you there were a few guys who to this day I wish I could spend a little one on one time with in the showers.

I was able to keep a low profile. But my RDC (recruit division commander), a drill sergeant/ instructor navy equivalent, was not so capable of hiding some of his tells. Now I can't 100% say for sure that my Petty Officer is gay, but I like to think that I am pretty good at spotting a gay guy, and when a few of my shipmates shared the same suspicions I was pretty convinced. It never became an issue with anyone in the division. We all respected him for his guidance, knowledge, and his actions as one of the best RDCs at RTC Great Lakes. He was always looking out for us and trying his best to give us the best training he could provide. There was one or two others who I had my suspicions and I am sure some of the guys had their suspicions of me too, but no one ever addressed it or tried to out someone. And no one got hurt about the gay references the RDCs would use when "motivating" us. I know I didn't give a damn; gay jokes are hilarious.

Now for erroneous circumstances and bullshit reasons, I was medically separated from the Navy. It took a little over a year and a lot of bureaucratic red tape for me to re-enlist in the Army. I wanted to serve, and no doctor was going to prevent that. So I get to Army basic training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina in June 2011 and it is hotter than summer in hell all day everyday. Again I was able to keep soft being around sexy soldiers, and not portray any tells that might bring unwanted attention to myself. 

(That prior spring I finally faced the facts and admitted to myself to being gay, and even was able to indulge in a few acts with a few guys before graduating from college.) So being able to hide something from other people that I was no longer hiding from myself seemed like it might be difficult, and I was questioning every word choice and hand movement. I got through without any issues again, but now this time I had to go AIT (advanced individual training) for 22 weeks.

AIT was dorm style living, two soldiers to a room with a bathroom and mini fridge. It is the closest experience I had to living in a dorm. Only at AIT we had bedchecks, formations, fireguard, and CQ duty to perform. Over the course of the 22 weeks we gradually earned privileges that we had not had during basic. One of these privileges was overnight passes, which I took advantage of at every opportunity, a few times with another male soldier. Now, it should be explained that while at AIT one doesn't worry about pissing off a drill sergeant and getting "smoked" (slang term for corrective punishment, i.e. intense PT) and therefore one is able to notice the world around oneself a little better. So eventually, during the first half of AIT some people started to have some suspicions about my sexuality, which I played off. It was during my time at AIT when 20 September, the day DADT was repealed, came. Leading up to that day, everyone thought the sky was going to fall and soldiers would start walking around in skin-tight, cut-off shorts and rainbow flags being hoisted under the American flag during morning colors; honestly, it was ridiculous.

But the day came, people made side jokes, like "Hey, Smith you can come out of the closet now, everyone knows already" and to the shock of all the NCOs (non-commissioned officers) nothing changed. The sun still rose in the east and set in the west, and soldiers were still hooking-up in the barracks. Yes I was one of them, which was easier than what the straight soldiers had to go through to sneak a male into a female's room or vice versa.

One thing did change though, the attitudes of the soldiers. Before 20 September, it was unacceptable to accuse a soldier, a sailor, an airman, a marine of being a homosexual unless you had something out for him/her. No one really cared, unless they were being hit on in the showers, which I never understood would be a situation homophobes think would happen; as if it is every gay man's dream to try and pick-up a straight guy in the barracks showers. (Well maybe the "straight" soldier hitting on me in the showers is a dream of mine, but that's beside the point) One day after 20 September, I was standing in the DFAC (dining facility) trying to get some hot water for tea, when this douche of a guy had to tenacity to come up, and while pouring himself a cup of coffee, casually ask me if I was gay, as if the topic he was talking about was the weather. I was shocked; I still am dumbfounded when I think of the whole scenario. I scoffed and denied the accusation and walked off. Looking back I wish I had handled the situation differently, but hindsight is 20/20.

Now you may be saying to yourself that I am uncomfortable with my sexuality and am still in the closet, and you would be correct for the most part. But you should also understand that I have personally witnessed how an out-of-the-closet soldier is treated by his peers and superiors, and trust me when I tell you it is not an easy life. Granted this soldier was very effeminate and he did not need to be out of the closet for anyone to assume he enjoyed dropping the soap in the showers, so to say.

But being out, open, and obvious only brings unwanted attention and distracts from the wanted attention. Yeah it is great that there are LGBT supporters out there fighting for the community's equality; I am definitely not trying to offend them or the cause that they passionately fight for. I just think the community needs to be aware that it is not conducive to the military to have sexuality be an acceptable topic of conversation. As a soldier all I care about is that the guy next to me knows that I am there for him if needed and that he is there for me if needed. The fight to have DADT repealed seems unimportant in contrast to the other issues that face gay, lesbian, and even straight service members on top of worry about deployments, pay, getting shot at by Haji, and IEDs.

The UCMJ (universal code of military justice) is a set of legal principles that applies to all military personnel regardless of branch or rank. Article 125 prohibits sodomy, yes sodomy, and "penetration , however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense." So although it is permitted to be an out homosexual, we still aren't allowed to perform sexual acts unless it is vaginal and not someone else's wife, because that would be another UCMJ offense (article 134, the catch all article). A Petty Officer told me about a UCMJ class he was giving to a bunch of recruits. He explained article 125 to the class, and a female recruit asked "So you mean to tell me, Petty Officer, I can't give my boyfriend a blowjob? I like giving him blowjobs." After pulling his jaw off the floor, the PO explained to the class that as long as the acts stay behind the bedroom door and doesn't involve someone in your chain of command that no one will care about what kind of crazy, kinky sexual acts we indulge in. He continued to say that it becomes an issue when we start bringing it up in inappropriate situations. So whether you're gay or straight the military is still asking us to live in the closet when it comes to our blowjobs, anal penetration, bestiality, adultery…… sex period shouldn't be an acceptable work conversation in the military and civilian realms alike.

Written by ~Drew

Advice: FWB Turned Sour

Dear J,
How do you be friends with someone whom is gay, that you had a sexual experience with, but found there was no sexual gratification in it for you, but you still love them like a brother? How do you stop them from being vindictive and mean? I'm a sensitive male, but I am straight. I was abused as a young kid and I have bad flashbacks. I have a lot of gay friends I'm comfortable with around me. But things are weird now with my best friend because of what happened. I do love him. I'm just not gay.
-Anonymous


Dear Sensitive Straighty,
As you can see sex and friendship doesn't always mix. It's never ever a good idea to go down that road with your friend unless you both have mutual feelings for one another or have some kind of NSA/FWB arrangement. Someone always ends up getting hurt and in this case it's the both of you.

The first thing you really need to do is talk to your best friend. I would avoid the phrasing "I didnt have any sexual gratification from our hook up." that is just gonna make your best friend feel like shit. Like a used up cum rag! Nothing can wreck someone's self esteem quicker. Also avoid the word "mistake" because in his eyes it probably didn't feel that way. You need to tell him you value your friendship with him and that you do love him. But you just want to stay friends and the sex shouldn't happen again. Even saying that will feel like daggers stabbing his heart. If he is being vindictive and mean that is because he is hurt. You hurt him by rejecting him. Gay guys can be mean if they are hurt and trust me we aren't afraid to hit below the belt! He may need time to get over it. So talk to him, apologize the best you can and give him some space. True friends can always work stuff out. Remember actions speak louder than words, so showing some type of remorseful gesture will help.

The second thing I want you to do is to think about why this happened in the first place? Were you confused about your own sexuality and needed to test it? Were you thinking that maybe a relationship with your best friend would work and then when it actually happened you realized for sure you're straight? You need to figure this out, so something like this doesn't happen again. My best friend Kevin would say, "most straight guys would fuck anything, a warm hole, is a warm hole!" But if you are truly sensitive like you stated then this probably isn't the case. So why did you hook up with your best friend? If you feel it may be because of the abuse you received as a child then perhaps you should seek professional help from a therapist. They can uncover those underlying issues and hopefully help you out. And if you still really aren't sure about your sexuality just remember the anus has 8 more working muscles and is 4 degrees warmer than the vagina... Just saying.

Make good decisions,
J


Need Advice?

Sticks & Stones

Before I danced at my first gay club, experienced my first kiss with another man, pranced around in nothing but glitter and a thong, before I even knew I was gay or what being gay even was. There was this preconceived notion that I was a Faggot. This of course caused the daily relentless torture from the kids in my school. From 6th grade until I was a senior in high school it didn't stop for one day. I know why I was a target. Middle school and high school is all about blending in and no matter how hard I tried I could only stand out. I was a chubby redhead with bad skin! I was just as round as I was tall. Kind of resembling an apple with Ronald McDonald hair! And to top it all off my voice was so high it was like someone constantly had my balls in a vice. (Voice hasn't changed much, but at least it's at a lower octave. I no longer make a signal only dogs can hear.)

Being teased is normal for everyone while growing up, but for some it crosses the line from teasing to heinous acts. It is no longer just harmless playground teasing. My life everyday felt like a living hell and at times I felt like there was no escape. I felt helpless. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can bruise just as easily.

I dreaded school every single day, but before I even made it to school I feared the bus stop and bus ride. As I waited for my bus to arrive, kids would throw rocks at me. One time someone threw an ice ball at my face. It actually gave me a black eye and split my lip open. The kid got a detention, but that was it and then went back to bullying me more. I remember having live worms put down the back of my shirt. I got even when a girl started laughing at me. I flung the worm at her and it stuck to her cheek. She screamed and didn't tease me again after that. Because of all the issues I had at the bus stop I used to try to arrive as late as possible even if it involved me running down the hill to catch the bus. The bus ride was just as bad. By the time the bus came to my stop it usually was very full and everyone had to share a seat. I was treated like I had a horrible disease and no one would let me sit with them. Sometimes I had to sit on the floor. Thankfully it was only a ten minute drive. The bus driver did nothing! In fact he yelled at me not at the kids that taunted me, even after I explained why I was on the floor.

My school days involved being pushed in the hallways and daily use of the words gay, fairy, faggot and homo were screamed at me. Soda was poured in my book bag and there was one time Gatorade was poured on my head. I still hate Gatorade to this day. I won't drink it. Kids also had cruel nicknames they called me which I'm not going to share because they haunted me forever! Kids would harass me even in front of teachers and again most teachers did nothing! I had only a few classes I felt completely safe in.

I will admit that thoughts of suicide did enter my head. When people constantly drill into your head 60 times a day that you are worthless you start to believe it. So how did I get through it all? Well, it wasn't easy. Fortunately for me I had a wonderful teacher that looked out for me. She had a no tolerance for bullying and disrespectful behavior in her classroom! I used to eat lunch in her classroom and spent study halls and free periods there. I escaped from my troubles with writing (Still do! Even though my creative writing teacher hated everything I wrote.) and I was big into art. I always turned to my creatively and it kept me going. Whenever I got home from school. I left school at school. Which means I left all the negatively and hurtful remarks there. I had a great support system at home. My mom was always there for me. She doesn't know half of what I went through, but mom's always know when something is wrong and she did the best she could. By the time I was a senior things got better. I just kept thinking that it's almost over and I never have to see any of these assholes ever again! Now, I rarely see my old classmates and when I do they usually don't recognize me.

If you experience bullying or violence because you are a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender just remember:
•You matter and have a place in the world. You're important!
•You are not alone - help and support is only a phone call away or online.
•Be proud of who you are!

Over a ten-year period more than 7,000 LGBT middle and high school students (aged 13-21), were surveyed:
-Eight in ten LGBT students had been verbally harassed at school.
-Four in ten had been physically harassed at school.
-Six in ten felt unsafe at school.
-One in five had been the victim of a physical assault at school.
-Unfortunately, these types of experiences with violence also occur outside of school and may continue into young adulthood.

One of the biggest problems today is that the word "gay" is used in a derogatory manner in every day language. One of the most popular phrasings is "That's so gay!" The word "gay" is used in place of stupid or weird. It's used by adults and by kids. Adults that use this phrase even if it is in a harmless manner are still causing harm. Adults that say "That's so gay" are teaching their children at an early age that gay is wrong. Kids associate the word "gay" with being weird or stupid and then are more likely to tease kids that they perceive are different. Parents need to realize that not only do children learn their behavior in school they learn it from you. My advice to teachers that hear gay being used in a derogatory manner is not to ignore it! Chances are it's worse when they leave the classroom. Tell the student that you will not torrent it in your class. If there are any LGBT students in your class this will show them that this is a "safe place" for them.

Kevin states, "People do say "That's so gay or he's so gay" a lot, not meaning to be offensive usually, but when children hear it they are so impressionable!" Faggot is also another word that is being used and it's unacceptable! Kevin says, "Faggot is worse than the word "gay" and thrown around a lot jokingly. It's not funny. Kids say that way more than they used too!" In my discussion with Kevin I said, "You're right! You know gay guys never refer to each other as faggots. We don't use that word to describe ourselves. Well unless its a dirty porno." Kevin laughed and said, "Yeah, when they say... "Yeaaaaa you like that you little faggot?" Pound! Pound! Pound! Pound! Pound! I've seen that before in porn!" Then I had a visional of what he was saying and lost my train of thought... Oops!

Another issue contributing to bullying is technology. My mom says, "Computers are evil! I swear one day they will all come to life and kill us while we sleep!" Unlike when I was in school I could escape the torment by going home. Now the bullies follow the victim everywhere! They use the Internet, social media and texting. Cyber-bullying is increasing at a rapid rate. The victim feels like they have no escape from the harassment. No way out.

A survey of over 400 middle school, high school and college students between the ages of 11 and 22 (including 350 self-identified non-heterosexual subjects) found:
-54% of LGBT youth had been victims of cyberbullying within the past 30 days.
-45% of the respondents "reported feeling depressed as a result of being cyber-bullied."
-38% felt embarrassed.
-28% felt anxious about attending school.
-More than a quarter (26%) had suicidal thoughts!

If you are a victim of cyber-bullying there's things you can do.
 1. Most states have cyber-bullying laws in place and you can fight back. Here's a link that can help: www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=13495#Laws
2. Don't respond to the bullying remarks.
3. Make copies of what they are saying to you and save everything in a file. This way if they delete their profile or the conversation you have proof.
4. Delete all the negative comments the bully posts about you.
5. Block them! Almost all social networking sites like Facebook have a blocking feature...use it! There may also be a feature where you can report users.

The gay community has made a lot of accomplishments since I've been out of the closet. With the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (Maybe now I can be a towel boy for the army. "I'm sorry! I'm all out of big towels, here's a washcloth to dry off with.") and all the states that are slowly getting on board with gay marriage. (Accepting applications for a husband now!) I feel we are slowly headed in the right direction. BUT there's still so much yet to be done and so much negatively towards us that needs to be shattered.

Mostly everyone has heard of the recent suicides among young teens. The gay Rutgers student who took his own life after his intimate encounters were broadcasted over the Internet! Then there were the tragic suicides of two 13-year olds who experienced constant ridicule for being gay. A 14-year old that made a heartbreaking It Gets Better video on YouTube and then 4 months later felt his only way out was to end his own life! These of course are just a few of cases that the media latched onto. How many others must die before something is done? How many others are facing daily harassment as a result of their sexual orientation? Are you one them? When will it stop!? Unlike being born gay, bullies aren't born bullies they are taught. We can end this! We can change this! Stop the bullying.

For those of you that are being bullied please stay strong. It sounds cliche but it does get better. Those bullies will probably all end up being fat, bald and pumping your gas. "That's alright, that's okay you're gonna pump my gas someday!" The popular mean kids never stay popular after school. Just remember there has to be a little rain before there's a rainbow. Don't you wanna be around to see it?


Here's messages from the Queer Dirty Laundry characters:
"From 5th grade to 7th grade I was bullied cause I was "girlish" and it was pretty intense for a while. But then I kinda learned how to fade into the background until school was over. Then it all got better. Although it seems really bad school doesn't last forever. It will be a distance memory one day!" ~Bobby

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” ~James

"Bullies are the people that feel the need to take out their own insecurities on other people. While being bullied can be hurtful and scary just remember that you are a stronger and much better person than those doing the bullying! Don't let them bring you down, let them bring you up to being an even better person! Don't let them take your life and your soul! STAY STRONG AND ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!"
~Lindsay

“The sun always rises the next day.” ~Knockers

"People may call you a fag, a girl, a homo, but screw them because you are being just who you were meant to be. There's so many others out there that are just like you! Welcome to the world! It's a shitty place, but stick around long enough and you will find happiness. When you don't think anyone will love you for you I guarantee you someone already does!" ~Kevin

"No matter how bad things get and no matter who puts you down, you can always rely on yourself. Love who you are because when you love yourself, you are letting someone else look up to you for guidance." ~Derek

"YOU are strong as shit!" ~Jules

"You do not need to put on a brave face when you are in pain. Talk, find someone, anyone and just talk. There are people out there who will listen. Trust, believe, there is love..." If you need someone to talk to email me: Horrorj2007@yahoo.com ~Edward

"Each day allows you to begin writing a new chapter of your life, whether it be a short one or one that extends for years, the important thing is you're the author and no one can change that!" ~Bethany

"If you want a rainbow, you have to get past the rain." ~Sean

"Us old farts need something to look at when we go to the bars. There's more support from the gay population now more than ever, with countless ways of reaching out. We've all been there, and know what it's like, but it does get better as life goes on." ~George

"Bullying won't stop. It will happen throughout your life in many different shapes and forms...But being aware and remaining positive will get you through it. You won't ever be alone!" ~Lynn

"Hold your head up high and when they're not looking, pee in their water ice!" ~Sven

"You can always count on your friends and family!" ~Lola

"Few blows feel more devastating than an attack on our fundamental self, whether that's sexual orientation, skin color, gender, family, or even our mannerisms. How can we adequately defend the circumstances of our birth, for better or for worse? More important, why do we feel the need to defend, meeting the aggressor on his own uneven playing field?

There are no easy answers – and to dwell on negativity can diminish our confidence and lead us into self-doubt. So, what to do? How to respond?

Do this: Hold your head high. Be proud – never ashamed – of who you are, where you're from, or whom you love. It's not easy to ignore repeated taunts and insults. But your only real fault comes by refusing to embrace yourself, by not growing to your full potential.

My promise to you: It ends. Guaranteed. You don't believe that now, and you can't see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. But your light is there. Embrace yourself. Be proud. Never apologize for who you are. Because it ends. I promise." ~Tristan

***All the photos used in this post are linked to sites that can help. Just click on them. Remember you are not alone.

Question: You're Gay & Amish?

Horse and buggy, quilts, plain clothes, homes without electricity, shoofly pie, churning butter, men with long beards but no mustaches, cornfed Pennsylvania Dutch speaking hot guys (ok maybe that one is a far stretch, but you never know.) and children with names like Amos and Fannie challenging each other to footraces, are a just a few things that come to my mind when I think of the Amish. With a population of over 249,000 there has to be Amish individuals whom are gay, right?

Being gay is hard enough, but when you add a very religious, confined structure to the mix it's downright impossible to be who you really are. If you are born gay and born Amish can the two coexist? So what would happen to the Amish gay individual if he stays in his community? He's shunned. They are made to feel like outcasts. Their friends and relatives cannot speak to them, touch them, or eat with them during meals. The Amish community's goal is to get the person shamed into repenting, or to make the guy feel so lonely he'll leave the community.

Perhaps the only way a young gay Amish adult can experience the gay life without being shunned is during rumspringa. Rumspringa is a religious rite-of-passage. It means in Pennsylvania Dutch "running wild". I just had a picture of Girls Gone Wild With Bonnets pop in my head, but I assume things don't get that crazy. Rumspringa, is a period of time when young Amish adults can sample the temptations normally banned within their religious communities. Some choose to return while others never go back and try to adapt to modern society.

Meet James Schwartz (born 2/19/78), a Michigan native who grew up in an Old Order Amish community.

James is a gay poet and the author of "The Literary Party: Growing Up Gay and Amish in America" (inGroup Press 2011). James tells his unique story through his poetry. It's raw, sexual, emotional and above all else it's very relatable. You can catch a glimmer of yourself in his words because everyone has felt "that way" at least once.Unbutton the shirt slowly
He might like that
The pants lie forgotten on his floor
I smell of the sea
I smell of showers
I smell of cologne
He might like that
Toothpaste and raspberry cocktails
Mingle in frantic kisses deep
Unbutton the shirt slowly
He likes that
Tonight
from The Literary Party: Growing Up Gay and Amish in America

"What does a 21st century poet do, but to take it off!" James said while submitting me this pic of himself. Can you sense his rebellious behavior?

Here's another poem by James Schwartz:Rivers
Lay his hands upon my hardworking own.
Kiss my painted lips with a warrior's rue.
Entangled tongues, restless lungs, gasp, groan.
As mystery of history dawns true.
I loved him at first stare and first silence.
As mere minutes later he took me down.
Killing, filling with the sweetest violence.
Feeling the music though there was no sound.
Glazed eyes gazed amazed at praised flesh and bone.
Worshipful raptures wrapped in regal hush.
Going before God of Ganymedes' throne.
The rush of lust in spring forests lie lush.
In conquered land by embrace and in haste.
Revealed reveries and rivers to taste

For more information on James Schwartz and more poetry visit:
literaryparty.blogspot.com/
jamesschwartz.towerofbabel.com/And you can follow James on Twitter at: Twitter.com/queeraspoetry

Question: What are your thoughts? What would you do if you were gay and Amish? Would you leave your family and friends to live the "gay life" openly? Or would you abide by the rules of the church and conceal who you are from your Amish community just to stay? I feel either way it's an extremely hard decision.
Please click on the blue comment link below to post your opinions.

I Love The Homosexuals!

Why do straight people love the gays so much? Maybe it's the fascination with gay culture, the fact that we are typically fun loving, we make straight people look better (stylists, designers, etc) and we are just plain awesome! Unless you are an inbred bible banger from West Virginia you're probably friends with at least one homo. (FYI Jesus loves us too see!)

It's more common now for a group of straight friends to have a 'token gay' among their group. We have replaced the little toy dog as an accessory and now everyone wants a sassy gay friend. Fair warning though if you're straight; don't have to many sassy gay friends in the same vicinity! We tend to go after each other like cannibals. One tries to out bitch the other. I've seen it happen. Like piranhas fighting over a bone. Lately I've been taking a break from the gay scene. You can only go to the same gay bars a few times before it gets really old. I like to mix it up a little once in awhile and hang out with a different crowd. In this case a 'straight crowd.' This way when I do finally go back to the gay bars I feel as refreshed as if I just had an anal douche. Good for the soul, good for your hole.

Kevin has a very diverse group of friends. Most of his friends consist of people he went to high school and college with. It's a mixture of mostly straight people (guys and girls) with a few maybe bi-curious and try anything once males. Because they've all known each other for years they are all pretty accepting of his sexuality and general lifestyle. It's cool to see this generation of 20 somethings be this open minded. When Kevin's group of friends has a party or something he usually invites me to join them. Usually I do say no cause I've always felt like I would be awkward, (Not only because they are straight but also because I am around 10 years older than they are.) but lately since I've needed a break from the mo's, I've taken him up on the offers. I'll be honest now and say I have had a pretty good time with Kevin's peeps. I haven't felt awkward at all. Maybe it's the fact I look young and can blend in with them or perhaps it's the fact I can out drink the straight boys and party with them. (I certainly feel my age the next day!) Well either way, the few times I've been out with Kevin and his mostly straight crowd I've enjoyed myself.

I think some his gay friends consider us entertainment. One of the straight cuties dropped his straw on the ground. He bent down, picked it up, blew the grass off the end of it and placed it back in his cup. Without even missing a beat I said "Hunny I do that too. I always blow it off and put it back in." Him and his buddies were cracking up and said I should do standup. They were instantly comfortable with me and continued to chat with me off and on all night. When I asked how I liked margarita made by the host I said, "I like em like I like my men, strong and thick." He smiled at me and said, "Well I'm thick." And another hottie who was kinda shy with me but after some drinks he then began to tell him that he loved his gay uncle and thought "gay guys were cool." This was followed by grabbing my arm and touching my stomach. Below is a picture of him passed out.

I could have sucked on those nipples for days. I so wanted to motorboat his bubble butt. He was an all you can eat buffet of hotness. The girls didn't like him to much because he began to get cocky with them. A couple guys actually questioned our sexuality. They said Kevin and I couldn't be gay because we were all over the girls. I think I proved my gayness when I said, "You wanna see how gay I really am, come here and I'll show you." That comment sent them packing and not in the sense I hoped for.

  If you are a straight individual chances are you fall into one of the categories below:
•Fag Hag- Mostly everyone has heard of the term 'Fag Hag' and if you haven't then you need to get out of that cave you are living in! A Fag Hag is obviously a gay slang referring to woman who enjoys the company of gay or bisexual men. She associates herself mostly or exclusively with gay and bisexual men and most of her close friends are gay and bisexual. Usually a Fag Hag is a heterosexual woman who is the best friend of a gay man. Some women hate being called a "Fag Hag" and view it as an insult while others embrace the title with their rainbow flag in hand.

Fag Hags are generally stereotyped as outgoing fun women. (Like my bubbly girls Lindsay, Bethany, Krissy and Kate) Sometimes they are seeking a substitute for a heterosexual relationship and perhaps are secretly (or openly) sexually attracted to gay men. After all most gay men are pretty and well put together. Some Fag Hags are gay men magnets, like Bethany. They are attracted to her like moths to a flame. Science has shown straight woman and gay man have similar brain waves and often experience similar emotions, that is probably why we get along so well. They've put up with men's bullshit and so have we. Let the bonding begin! Women whom identify themselves as Fag Hags and whom already are in a romantic relationship with straight men, may prefer the gay culture to the straight counterpart.

A rich rewarding relationship can flourish between a Fag and his Hag. It's a relationship without sexual tension, that allows the participants to separate intimacy and sexuality. It can also cause harm if the relationship becomes too codependent. Both parties involved can use each other as a substitute for an actual partner. This usually ends badly when one of the two finds a partner that can fulfill their needs both mentally and physically. I've even witnessed it where the Fag Hag's boyfriend or husband was actually jealous of her gay friend and the connection they shared.

  Almost all my gay friends have at least one Fag Hag. (or multiple ones) I for example have more than one, but I enjoy each ones company for a different reason. Jules is a long time friend and my long time Fag Hag. She has always supported everything I ever done and has always been there when I needed her. She's like an athletic supporter, never let's me down. Kevin has a similar relationship with Lynn and Bobby has a similar one with Tina. Only warning I may have is becareful when you have to many Fag Hags together. They Sometimes do get jealous of each other. It's like a bunch of girls fighting for the last piece of sausage. It can get ugly.

Other names for Fag Hags: Fruit Flies, Homo Honey, Fruit Loop Lover, Goldilocks, Flame Dame, Fairy Princess, Fairy Godmother, Queer Dears, and Sausage Sisters.

•Fag Stags- The male equivalent of Fag Hag is a Fag Stag. It's pretty much the same relationship as a Fag Hag. Sometimes though many Fag Stag relationships form because the straight man wants to go to gay bars with the gay man in order to "pick up" straight women. The gay bar scene is considered to be a safe haven for straight women, so usually their guard is down when approached by a Fag Stag. It also shows that perhaps since the Fag Stag is friends with the gays he too may be more sensitive. I actually have a good friend who is a Fag Stag and he is marrying a Fag Hag this summer. Their wedding is going to be a Gayapalooza!

Fag Stag can also mean a male gay icon or celebrity that is loved by the gay community who has gay friends or is associated with gay people. For example: Ben Affleck, Eric McCormack, Justin Timberlake, Colin Farrell, Matthew Broderick, Robbie Williams and Daniel Radcliffe who has stated he loves his gay fans and considers himself to be a Fag Hag or aka Fag Stag.

•Fruit Flies- People who associate with lesbian, gay and bisexual people may be called fruit flies regardless of their sex. Most cases it is a term used in place of "Fag Hag". Some women would prefer to be called "Fruit Fly" rather than "Fag Hag." I usually leave it up to them to come up with their own nicknames. A Fruit Fly though can be anyone that loves to hang out with gay people.

  •Gay For Pay Guys- Please see the post 'Gay For Pay' for more information on this topic.

•Tri-guys- Younger guys usually early 20 something men that are bi-curious and will "try" anything at least once. Usually associated with frat guys and horny young guys. Sometimes they look at things at just a "hole." Typically they will pursue women but or if they can't get any will then go after gay men. They usually are very flirtatious and extremely open minded. Usually the Tri-guys are selfish lovers. Because they are primarily only interested in women they have no interest in a man's penis or if he gets off. Typically they will perform gay sex but it's only anal (where they are the top) and it's only oral. (where they receive, but don't give.) They may use the excuse "Dude, I was so wasted I don't know what even happened." BUT if you think about it they were sober enough to have and maintain an erection. A Tri-guy mostly is just a sexual relationship but can be a gateway to Bisexuality and Gay. After all Bi is just a slippery cock away from Homoheights.

•Closeted Men- Occasionally straight men that may be confused or closeted will hang out with gay man in order to get a better feel of the gay culture. They are accepting of gay people, but may feel people won't be accepting of them. For some closeted individuals the process of coming out is terrifying. (See post 'Come Out, Come Out Wherever You are') They like to hang out with gay people because it's almost like a look into their possible future life without admitting it to others and to themselves. A lot of times the Closeted Men will look up to the gay men. It becomes almost a mentoring type of relationship even though in most cases the gay man has no concrete proof the guy may be closeted. (We usually can tell though.) There may or may not be sexual attraction between a Closeted Man and his gay friend but occasionally there is a 'crush' that may form. The Closeted Man may develop feelings for his gay friend, hence the reason he hangs out with him and vice-versa.

  •Dutch Boys- Are men who have many lesbian friends they can also be called; Lesbro, Dyke Tyke and in the UK Dikey Likey. These lesbian friendly men can be of any sexual orientation but typically are straight men. Straight men love lesbians or at least the fantasy of two hot girls going at it. Scissor anyone?
•Open Minded Individuals- OMI is our future. These peeps aren't Fag Hags, Fag Stags, or anything else. They don't really have gay friends and don't associate with gay people, but they still are open minded. They believe in equal rights regardless of sexual orientation and have no problems or issues with gay people whatsoever. This is how everyone should be and hopefully some day most of the population will feel this way.

Homophobia is becoming less prevalent. Efforts to confront violence and hostility towards sexual and gender minorities have been in place. Gay-straight alliance and other programs have lifted some of the stigma of having LGBT people as close friends. It's now cool to have gay friends. Gay is the way, we are trendy. Shower your homo with gifts to show you love him. I'll be waiting for mine in the mail. Gay people are like apples and straight people are like oranges, but what it all comes down to is that we are all fruit. Lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered and straight we are all human. Fuck hate!http://fckh8.com/
http://www.gaystraightalliance.org/

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

You Wanna Do It Here? (Public Sex)

Jules: "Would you ever bang a guy in the bathroom?"
Sven: "If I did, it wouldn't be someone that I needed to get a rabies shot for!"

It is estimated that at any given time there's at least 5,000 people in the world having sex. The most common place for adults to have sex is in the bedroom or somewhere else in their home. "On the bed, on the floor, on the towel, by the door, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar!" The second most common place is actually in their car. Having sex with the light on is great just make sure the car door is shut. Public sex is a lot more common then people think. Straight couples have had sex in public places obviously, but it's more common among gay men, bi-sexual men and closeted men. (They feel that it's their only option.) Some reasons for public sex are; fetishes, people get turned on by the thought of getting caught, it's adventurous! They have no other choice, you live with someone or you aren't out yet. Str8 men or bi men meet for anonymous sex. And then there's that possibility that they are just a sausage swallowing, tubesteak loving, cum guzzling slut!

In the gay world you are bound to run into public sex. Fooling around in gay bar's bathrooms is almost a rite of passage. (back door passage) There's of course the Gay Church aka The Gym where sexual acts have um gone down and there's even bathhouses that cater to gay sex acts where men can get a facial so to speak. Even gay porn is cashing in on public sex. There's a few gay porn sites that feature men having sex at movie theaters, restroom, and even stores! Now I'm not 100% sure if these are really real or just an act. I know acting in porn vids, that's a new one! I did have to watch some videos (We'll call that 'Research') and in some of the videos they do get caught doing the deed.

Now some of my friends on the other hand, well let's just say they are a tad bit more adventurous or um sluttier than I. I've heard stories about them having sex behind a Red Robin restaurant, parks, public bathrooms, on a picnic table at the beach, porta potty's at pride events, on the bus (I have a friend that commutes to New York for work.) and some even had sex at work. Bobby said, "Yeah I've done stuff in the parking lot at my old job. It was a right of passage with the employees that worked there! Haha!"

I have never had actual sex in public (Cock to an orifice) but I have had extremely naughty dry humping, fondling, panty wetting kind of making out in public. You know the kind where you are both so hard that you're walking like a penguin. Let's just say that involved us leaving quickly and going home. (Pound, pound, pound, pound, pound!!) I did give my boyfriend of the time a handjob in my car. It was behind a shopping parking lot while we were waiting for another friend. I'm glad I had Armor All Wipes in my car cause he shot everywhere! I remember when we picked up my friend she said, "I love that new car smell!" I smell sex and Armor All, yeah! I guess I could count that as a form of public sex even though there was no penetration. It's funny I'm not usually one for PDA (Unless I'm with someone that makes me feel safe. Don't want to be chased with pitchforks!) and public sex is like PDA on steroids! I will admit there's a few guys I would totally ride till they are puffing out air, even if it was in public. Hey if they said yes I'll take it where I can get it.

Kevin has had a few public adventurers since I've known him. He's been on more laps than a napkin. One time he hooked up with this guy whom had a kid and they fooled around in the guy's car. Kevin had to ask the guy to put the child's carseat in the trunk so they could get it on. He told me he actually sat on a McDonalds Happy Meal Toy. Now for most people this would be a mood killer, but Kevin powered through. Last year when Kevin and I were in New Hope he fooled around with a semi straight married guy that was there with his wife. (I'm pretty sure they were swingers) They hooked up in the bathroom, the semi straighty blew him in the bathroom at this hotel we were hanging out at for the day. (It was a gay resort with a big pool we spent the day swimming. I hung out with Knockers.) I only lost track of Kevin for 10 minutes it was a get in, get off kind of thing. So why does Kevin like public sex? He had this to say, "Well for me public sex is exciting! There's nothing hotter than the thought of getting caught by someone! Especially in a parking lot behind Red Robin!! Chicken fingers and sex...yum!!!"

Saturday night Kevin and I were out at the bar. I was doing some research on the public sex topic and I asked a couple of friends if they have ever done it. My friend Allan told me he had many times and then continued to ask me when was the last time I actually had sex. (He knows I can be semi prude sometimes.) I told him it actually wasn't that long ago. He said, "Oh yeah when?" I told him when I was in Philly back in April ("I'm Naked Y'all!") He looked at me and said, "Oh with Knockers, right?" I said, "Um no with Edward!" Apparently the rumors about Knock and I are still going around. (Rumor Has It) Everyone thinks I'm riding him like a jockey. Perhaps I should call him Seabiscuit now. I suppose the rumor could be worse and if there has to be a sex rumor between Knock and I, I'm glad it's with him. He is totally a hottie after all. I told Knock that Bonnie Raitt's song 'Lets Giving Them Something To Talk About' keeps playing in my head. I asked Knockers if he has ever had sex in public before and he said, "No. I'm not really the outdoorsy type. I did join the mile-high club back in 2000 when the bathrooms were a little bigger. It was just the tip though." I'll be honest I would have let him play with my cockpit as well. Hmm I'm thinking maybe Knock and I need to take a vacation together. Haha. He said, "I prefer to have sex in a hotel suite." I agree with him, but I guess I'm not as picky cause after all I did lose my virginity in a Best Western.

Below is an interesting ABC News Article it reminds me of when George Michael was arrested for lewd acts in a public restroom.

When Men Cruise for Sex in Public Places, Police Take Notice, Some Gays Say It's Unfair While...

...many Americans may only be vaguely familiar with the idea of "cruising," there is a secret world of sex between men that exists in public places across the country.
The police officer who arrested Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, in a men's restroom at the Minneapolis airport for allegedly looking to engage in gay sex wrote in his June report that he "recognized a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct."
Craig tapped his foot up and down and swiped his hand underneath the bathroom stall in which the undercover cop was sitting, according to the police report.
Those actions led to Craig's arrest by Detective Dave Karsnia and the senator's guilty plea to a disorderly conduct charge. Craig told reporters today that he did nothing inappropriate and said his guilty plea was a mistake.
Public places like men's restrooms, in airports and train stations, truck stops, university libraries and parks, have long been places where gay and bisexual men, particularly those in the closet, congregate in order to meet for anonymous sex.
Over time, people familiar with cruising told ABCNEWS.com, gay men began using a codified system of signals to indicate to others that they were interested in sex. In an effort to curb lewd acts in public — or as some gays argue, in an effort to persecute gay men — undercover police began sting operations in places known for sex soliciting and employed the same codes.
"Tapping of the foot is pretty standard for men who cruise in toilets," said Keith Griffith, owner of Cruisingforsex.com, a Web site on which visitors post locations popular with men looking for anonymous sex.
"They will usually go to the stall at the far end of the strip of toilets. They will see each other and usually decide to go someplace else. The vast majority have no interest in being seen. They may be meeting in public locations, but they will be as discreet as possible," Griffith said.
Cruising areas traditionally have been those parts of town "women and children are told to avoid," but through word of mouth, bathrooms at places like Wal-Mart or Home Depot can become cruising locales, he said.
Griffith said that officers involved in such stings tend to be young and that anecdotal posts on his site indicate the local arrest rates increase around the time of elections or when media attention focuses on the issue.
Because much of the signaling is itself benign behavior, some gay rights activists and lawyers have admonished police departments for arresting men who have done little more than tap their feet.
"Citizens have a right not to confront lewd activity in public places," said Steve Sanders, a lawyer and gay rights activist. "But if there is evidence that a sting is motivated by anti-gay animus, that may represent a more troubling issue."
At trial, Sanders said, police would have to prove that actions such as foot tapping were known signals for soliciting sex.
"What constitutes probable cause to arrest someone? If a case like this went to trial, police officers would have to produce evidence to say here is how we can say with certainty this is was really a lewd act," he said.
Craig pleaded guilty to the charges and therefore opted against a trial.
Today, Craig denied being gay and said he made a mistake by pleading guilty.
Police officers, for the most part, only investigate an area after members of the public have complained about it being used for sex, said Rich Gregson, executive director of the California Peace Officers Association.
"Police officers will investigate areas that have known histories of this sort of activity. They rely on their own knowledge and experience to tell what is happening. Most officers know the difference between an intentional signal and a stray motion," he said.
The public has a right to enter public areas without worrying about inadvertently seeing lewd acts, Gregson said. The 35-year veteran police chief said he believed this sort of activity took place "in every jurisdiction" and heard stories of "off-duty officers and even judges being caught and arrested."
With many other options available for gay men to meet each other, Gershen Kaufman, a professor emeritus of psychology at Michigan State University and author of the book "Coming Out of Shame," said public cruising is practiced mainly by deeply closeted men.
"Cruisers are not sex offenders. They are deeply, deeply closeted. There is a lot of self-hatred and shame and they can't allow themselves to come to terms with their sexuality. There is also the added element of danger and being discovered," he said.

Did you find that article helpful on picking up men in public restrooms? Who knew tapping on the ground with your foot is code for "wanna fuck?" The news is so educational! Hmm maybe I can convince Kevin to try this and I'll do a follow up post on his cruising for guys in bathrooms. I'll bribe him with chicken fingers. The only thing the article doesn't mention is that most public restrooms where cruising actually happens there are glory holes. What's a glory hole you ask? A glory hole is an opening cut into the partition between two stalls in a men's restroom, through which oral sex can be performed. (That awkward moment when I had to explain to my mom what a glory holes was.) Chances are if you didn't know what a glory was you've probably seen one. Acts like this usually involve the closeted men that don't want to be seen like the article states.

Well I guess as long as there's horny adventurous men there will be sex in public. My only advice is becareful! Check your surroundings before you play poke me in the brown eye. Avoid places where there is children! That's just wrong! Use protection! The last thing you want is that adventurous romp to give you something you won't be able to get rid of! It's actually safe to keep a condom in your wallet for about a month before it becomes subject to breakage. I am not a promiscuous person in the lest but even I keep condoms in my fag bag cause you never know. AND lastly, try not to get arrested! (Try explaining that to a possible future employer.)

So inquiring dirty minds want to know your story! If you had a public sexual encounter please share it by clicking on the blue comment link below. Remember all comments can be left anonymously. Even I won't know who you are or how big of a dirty kinky freak you actually are.

National Coming Out Weekend

Friday

I had a busy beaver kinda weekend. Friday night went out to our local little Gay Bar called Candida's (which is a  yeast like fungi, go figure) to celebrate my friends birthday. Normal drama ensued between Kevin and his ex. Kevin's ex is partnered and still was when they were together. See, this was the problem he had no plans to leave his partner for Kevin. He wanted his cake and twinkie too. Greedy son of a biscuit eating bulldog, if you ask me. The whole thing is a mess and resulted in Kevin making out with another guy who just happens to be partnered as well. He just can't win! I had fun with Andy like always till the guy he is dating showed up (FML) but in the end it still was a fun night. After the bar I went over to a friends house to watch trash T.V. and ended up getting home at 6:30am Saturday morning. Haha

Saturday

Saturday night was Andy's show at Diamonz. (local bar with mostly lesbian clientele) When Kevin, Andy and I showed up the place was crawling with lesbians that looked like Justin Beiber. We were the only gay boys there. Kevin said, "Where's all the gay boys at?" I replied with, "It's only 10:30 they are still getting ready to go out. The lesbians just throw on some flannel and they are out the door." (Don't get me wrong, I like lesbians. My pink taco lover friends are beautiful and after all without them how would Lowes and Home Depot stay in business?)

Ok back to the reason why we were at Diamonz in the first place. Andy was asked to be a backup dancer in a couple Drag shows. He was oiled up and in tight underwear of course I had to be there! He did really well in the show. It was a total bonerfest and again I had a great time till his Lord of The Rings looking guy showed up. Like seriously, don't you have a ring to protect? (We'll call him "Hick" because he doesn't deserve a proper character name) Hick was telling Kevin and I the reason why he was so late was because he met up with another cute guy before coming to Diamonz! It was a "Hold my earrings" moment for me. Why would you tell me you are creeping on one of my closest and sweetest friends? Are you really that stupid? I did the only most logical thing I could do at the moment, I told Andy's Fag Hag Mandy. She said she was gonna "take care of it." I'll keep you all posted on the outcome.

Sunday Outfest

Sunday was Funday in Philly for Outfest. James, His partner Sean, Bobby and myself went down for the festivities. It was refreshing to see over 8,000 gay men, lesbians, trans, and some I didn't know what they were, all together to celebrate. Everything that has been going on recently with the teenage suicides, bullying and our local gay bashing it was a great sight to see! Our nation needs to get it's act together. Maybe if we weren't treated like second class citizens then the bullying and bashings wouldn't happen. It's the "Don't ask, Don't tell" and the simple fact that we can't get married that has made this world the way it is.

While the boys and I were in Philly I called up my good friend Ian, partly because I was dying to see his penthouse and because I really had to pee. (freaking iced mocha) Ian's penthouse was just as I thought it would be, stylish and faggarific! Ian let us park our car there and was a tour guide when we went to the gayborhood. I of course did something embarrassing. (I know shocker, right?) While we were walking to the gayborhood we had to walk through a small portion of Chinatown. This lady tour guide was giving all these tourists information on the area, well I was so busy paying attention to her that I walked right into a pole on the sidewalk! The lady tour guide then turns to my friends and says, "he's got to be more careful!" Ok, cut to me turning all red! End Scene!

I kinda ditched my friends for a bit and met up with my gorgeous, fabulous friend Mr. Knockers. (after it took me like 25 minutes to find him in a crowd of gay men) I hadn't seen Knockers in awhile, not since Kevin and I went down to New Hope for a weekend and I played with Knockers in the pool. (Had his underwear on my head too. It sounded like a good idea at the time.) We have managed to keep in touch since then and to be honest I was very excited to see him again. We ended up ditching the peeps he was with too or as he likes to call them, "the old ladies" and off we went hand in hand.

Most people have said they thought Knockers was bitchy, but truly that's just an outer plastic shell you gotta crack open with a sledgehammer. He really is sarcastically funny, charming with a sweet side once you get to know him. In the end those are all the ingredients to make me wanna point my heels to Jesus. His fag bag I swear he stole it from Mary Poppins! I was waiting to see what he was going to "pull out" next, perhaps more lip balm for his D.S.L's or "Knocker Juice" a concoction of Grey Goose Vodka, Pomegranate liquor, and some other shit. It looked pretty good. Next time I'll have to try the "Knocker Juice" oh and that drink he made as well. (JK)

My visit with Knockers felt like it was cut short when my friends found me and dragged me away. James and Sean had dinner plans with their neighbors at 6. It kind of pissed me off because they are your neighbors, you see them everyday, and you have dinner with them every single Sunday, but how often are we out in Philly? Ian didn't want us to leave yet, and Knockers didn't want me to leave yet. The situation blew donkey dick! I was actually hoping to have dinner in the city (I hadn't eaten all day and had 4 drinks, yikes) and sober up a bit we all could have used that. Overall though it was a fun visit and it made me realize I have to try to get down to Philly more often to see my friends. So from my closet to yours, have a Happy National Coming Out Day.

Bi Bi Closet Case

So I was cleaning out my closet today (I know it's been awhile since I've been in the closet) and it got me thinking about all those "closet cases" out there.  It must be so hard for them to express who they really are. I've been out since I was 20. Some of my friends that are younger than me were out when they were in high school! I can't even imagine that. I was picked on enough as it is. My friend Lynn said, "I'm pretty sure everyone knew you were gay when you came out of your mom's vagina with your lipgloss, screaming HELLO WORLD!" She's probably right. I think people knew before I knew.

Before I admitted I was a full blown sausage jockey, I use to tell people I was bi. This seems to be common in the early stages of "coming out." Some boys though still use the bi term because they can't accept the gay label. Almost like it's "too gay" to say gay. My ex-boyfriend (lying piece of shit that he is) to this day will say that he is bi, although he hasn't been with a girl since high school. He used to tell me he was still attracted to girls. Heck I'm still attracted to girls too. I love the boobs, but wouldn't go near the pink taco with someone else's penis. My ex's parents weren't accepting of his lifestyle at all. It did put a strain on our relationship. He was included in all my family events, but I was not included in theirs. I really think his parents are the reason he liked the bi term so much.

My crush Mr. Andy uses this "bi thing" too. He's not completely out yet and his family doesn't know. His mom confronted him about it a few weeks ago, but he lied to her and said he wasn't gay. He told me that she knows he's lying though and he can't be out with his family because they say it's wrong. This has to be the reason it's easier for Andy to tell people he trusts that he is bi rather than gay. He'll admit he likes girls and he'll even hit on them, but when you start talking about vagina he turns green. (yeah, bi my ass) I tell Andy it's only a matter of time afterall isn't bi just a layover into Gaytown anyway?

The Closet Case can also comes in the form of "straight men." Just ask Kevin he's had sexual encounters with at least 5 questionable straight men. He actually kind of has a fetish about it. I don't know any straight man though that would turn down a blow job. Some guys think a hole is just a hole especially if they're intoxicated. Question is, would you consider these so called straight men bi or are they just whores? I guess we will have to see if these straighties troll the gay bars eventually. Sooner or later everyone has to come out of that cluttered closet to be happy. You can't live a lie forever.