Question: Is Monogamy A Bad Word?

Are we all relationship handicapped or are we just whores? Monogamy is a scary 8 letter word to some people. They treat it as if it's some type of STD that has been caught. Why is monogamy so elusive in today's gay society? We are fighting every day for equal rights and we are fighting for our right to marry, but what's the point if we aren't faithful to one another?

Monogamy isn't just a gay issue it's a people issue. The straight society between all the divorces and affairs, has a hard time grasping this monogamous concept. But it just seems as if gay relationships have a standard rule; thou can covet another's ass. Out of all the gay couples I know there's only a handful that are 100% monogamous. Why is this so accepting among gay men? Lack of blood to the brain due to increase stiffness in lower regions?? See, the problem is we were given a brain and a penis. There's only enough blood to run one at a time. Show us a hot guy and you can pretty much assume which one we will be thinking with. Most people stray or want open relationships because they're paying more attention to what they're missing, rather than what they already have.
Every relationship should have their own set of rules. What works for one couple may not work for another. To each their own, but can all the open relationships, playing around with another guy together, and hidden hook ups behind the K-mart really work? If you are so happy with your partner then why do you have to invite every Tom, Dick, and hairy Jose into your bedroom?
Question: Do you think monogamy will become extinct in the future? With all the gay marriages and now with more states getting onboard with gay marriage, will more gay couples be monogamous? What are your thoughts on monogamy? Click on the blue comment link below to leave a comment.

Results of poll: Are You In A Monogamous Relationship?

-19% said yes they are in a very happy monogamous relationship.
-9% said they are in a monogamous relationship but would be open to explore others sexually with their partners.
-61% said they are not in a monogamous relationship but hope someday that they will be.
-4% said that monogamy is not for them and that they feel it's something that the straight society wants us to conform too.

Maybe You Don't, But "I Do" By George

Gay marriage. I hear there’s a big political scuff over this, and the Republicans are practically pledging allegiance to eliminating us off the face of the Earth. It’s kinda funny, cuz former Vice President Dick Cheney’s daughter is a very out and about lesbian, and when asked his opinion after being out of the White House, he quite frankly had no problem with the idea of gays getting married.

I don’t follow any of the political stuff, because quite frankly after I listen to politicians speak (about anything), I just want to bang my head against a wall and get my passport renewed for a one-way trip to Canada (eh?). It completely baffles me why people put so much energy and money into oppressing the homosexuals.  Seriously, we just want the same rights as the breeders. Their lives won’t be inconvenienced any because we get married. In fact, their lives are being inconvenienced even more by them making a stink about it.  Give us what we want, and we’ll leave you alone, it’s that simple.  Let us get married, and you can go back to fucking the maid, everybody wins!!

The thing that really works my last nerve is these people who rattle off the Bible verses like it’s the alphabet. Blah blah blah man shall not lay with man blah blah blah.  Whatever happened to “love thy neighbor as thyself?” They just like to observe certain excerpts. I’m sure we could pull out a few excerpts that pertain to the breeders and the things that they shouldn’t do: pre-marital sex, cheating on one’s spouse, child abuse, making illegitimate babies, and so on and so forth. Bob Barker should give all the homos a new car for helping control the population, well….minus the few lesbians out there that decide to make babies. And since when, all of a sudden, is the Bible the way we run government? Don’t we base that on the Constitution? At least that’s what I learned in school. You love the Lord? Great! Some of us don’t, or not to the extent that you do or to the point that we exploit it and make it a key focus in our political campaign.

I certainly don’t believe that the entire country sides the same way as the politicians. Granted, there are some demographics that are a bit, how should I say, lop-sided leaning towards the “we hate gays” side.  It’s the 1% of the richest people in this nation that make all the decisions; it shouldn’t be whatever percentage it is that the gays can’t get married. I’m not partnered up or anything, but one day I would like to be, and would like to be able to see my partner in the hospital if he’s on his deathbed. Just imagine if the breeders were denied to see their life partner, just once, taking all the biblical and political and everything else that contributes, out of the equation. Just once be disallowed to see the one you sleep in the same bed with, just because somebody else says it shouldn’t be allowed. Bottom line: put the shoe on the other foot, and see how quickly one might change their mind for us gays who just want to be accepted in the rest of society.

~Written by: George

I Now Pronounce You Fag Stag & Fag Hag...

...You may kiss the hag and make gaybies. Ok, well that's not exactly what Katie's Aunt said as she preformed the wedding ceremony, but I'm sure it was close. I was hoping for a sexually confused and frustrated priest to do the wedding. Perhaps the Bride and Groom thought bringing a priest in a room full of homos was a bad idea. I can just see it now: "Excuse me father for I have sinned. I know not what I do. Hey you look familiar! My Christiansingles.com username is ChoirBoi69. Are you HungPriest4u or FatherMybackdoor?" Yeah I'm going to hell. Blah, blah, blah I'll save you a seat. Bring sunblock.

I was invited to Katie and Matthew's wedding. I of course brought Kevin as my guest. He is always my wedding date for two reasons; 1. He is bound to do something stupid or funny and I need entertainment incase the wedding is boring. 2. He never lets my glassful of liquor get low. Kevin arrived at my house around 3 in afternoon on Saturday. He wasn't dressed or ready to go and smelt like vodka hardcore. All I could smell was his cologne and vodka. This must be what the cast of the Jersey Shore smells like. Kevin was out at a party the night before and it was obvious he had a late night. I suppose I should have expected his disheveled appearance because I did receive a drunk text message at 4:30am saying, "I got a vibrator!!!!!"

On our way to the joyous occasion I inquired about Kevin's buzz buzz adventures the night before. Kevin said him and Lynn were at a party at their straight married friends. It was a birthday party for their hot DILF (Daddy I'd to Fuck) friend. The wife was the one that brought out the vibrator and everyone was playing with it. (For some reason I picture the game "Hot Potato," but with a vibrator.) Kevin said, "It's not as bad as it sounds. Nothing went in my mouth or in my ass! Just alittle over the clothes vibes. Oh and I took it!" I looked at him laughing and said, "WHAT!? You stole the vibrator? You sick klepto!" He laughed, "Yeah, I even put fresh batteries in it this morning because we wore the fucker out last night. I realized this morning that she probably didn't wash it and I probably had vag juice all over my hands! Here smell." He puts his fingers in front my nose and mouth. "You are so disgusting! I can't believe you took it. I'm sure she didn't wash it with antibacterial soap or put it in the dishwasher before letting you guys play with it." I screamed! Kevin just laughed and said "Yeah, I'm probably gonna regift it and give it to you haha." AND scene!
Because of the rain the wedding and reception was held inside in one big room. It's shame it rained because the landscape of Willow Tree Grove was actually very pretty, but then again isn't rain on your wedding day suppose to be good luck?

It was pouring when we arrived and by the time we walked into the building I was wetter than a gay daddy at a Justin Beiber concert. The wedding was filled with gays and conveniently the majority of us were seated at tables 6 and 9. Unfortunately our table was also the table that Kevin's Ex and his Partner were sitting at and also Harold whom called Kevin a slut the weekend before. (HapPENIS) Yeah this is going to be interesting.

  The thin paper number 9 was the only thing blocking Kevin's view of The Ex and his Partner. In an effort to distract himself Kevin turned to scoping out other guys. He liked the photographer a lot and said, "I'd totally L his Bs! He's so hot!" Hmm and we wonder why Harold called him a slut. The photographer of course was older with a nice body tone, bald and married! (Well he had a band on his finger so I assumed he was.) He was attractive but he did resemble The Ex a little too much. I swear Kevin is attracted to this type, like flies on shit. When I pointed out to Kevin that the guy was probably straight and married he said, "It doesn't count then." and licked his lips. Typical Kevin response.

The best man was my friend Allan and he's how Katie and Matthew got introduced. Katie is friends with Harold and Matthew is best friends with Allan so their paths were bound to cross eventually. To think the fags brought this union together. See we support straight marriages, why can't gays get the same in return? Just think who's gonna do your hair, make up and not to mention probably design the dress...The gays! Katie, the bride of course was beautiful and I would consider her a Fag Hag for sure. Matthew is a real Fag Stag he even loves our music and is comfortable in gay clubs.

I met Matthew about 9 or 10 years ago. I went with him and Allan to Texas to visit Allan's Dad Frank. Who just so happens to be gay as well. See the fruit really doesn't fall far from the tree. What I didn't know was the only reason I was invited was because Allan was trying to hook me up with his father! Allan's dad Frank of course is just as crude as Allan is. Like father, like son. Frank blatantly told me he wanted to fuck me but after I had made it clear I wasn't interested he backed off. To this day though when he is in town he still makes passes at me and asks me to move to Texas to live with him. I guess I made an impression. He even tried hooking me up with Allan a few times and calls me "son."

  When we were in Texas we visited San Antonio and spent the day on The River Walk. It was like being in another country, very pretty. After a night out at some clubs Frank, Matthew and I went back to the hotel. Allan stayed out trolling for twinks. I slept in Matthew's bed because he didn't want Allan coming back all sloppy drunk and being touchy and I didn't want Frank to get any ideas. I remember Allan waking me up at 4 am trying to push me out of the bed because he didn't want to sleep in the same bed as his father. I didn't budge! The next morning I woke up with arms wrapped around me and something poking me in the back. Matthew was spooning with me and I could feel his morning wood! He woke up and was startled for a second like he forgot where he was. He apologized for "invading my space" and said he was used to sleeping and cuddling with his girlfriend who apparently has a petite body type like I do. We still joke about it now. In fact when I met Katie I told her Matthew was a good cuddler and I highly recommended him. Perhaps it was a good thing I didn't give the toast. "Yeah Matthew remember that time your boner was poking me in back and that time I motorboated Katie?"

The wedding was fun despite our sitting arrangements. It seemed like after eating everyone at our table dispersed. It also helped it was an open bar and trust me we took full advantage of that. Even the bride told us to drink more. Hey we had permission! The Ex's Partner was being especially nice to Kevin. Kevin asked me why and my opinion was because he knew he had won. Kevin looked at me and said, "What do you mean he won?" I said, "Well, The Ex didn't leave him for you. They are still together, so technically he did win." You know what they always say, "Keep your friends close, but you enemies closer."

  All these weddings I've gone to really make me wanna have one of my own. I just need to find the groom. I did suggest to Kevin that perhaps him and I get married for all the presents. Could you just imagine my bridal registry? I swear gay weddings would help the economy! We love to party and we love shiny and over the top shit! If only everyone could see that.

Kevin said we could get married only if he could sleep with other guys. Hell, that's practically considered a real gay relationship anyways! I do really want that new toaster and coffee maker, but I'd rather have a monogamous relationship.Congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple.


CLICK HERE TO FCKH8!

It Doesn't Count If...

So I finally caved in. I had to "gay it up" over the weekend. Enough of this straight man talk "dude, bro" bullshit I was ready to hear some "hey girl" and play with my boys. My hiatus from gay bars was over and I was ready to get back up on that saddle hopefully with a big hunk of man under it. Kevin, Bobby, Kile and I met out for a few drinks and to catch up. We all haven't been together in weeks. Even though I knew the bar was gonna be dead I still wanted to see my boys. New York City pride was this past weekend and almost every Tom, Dick, and Harry Hung was there. Hopefully we'll make it next year. Congratulations to the homos of New York whom can now finally get married!

My catching up with the boys of course was the usual gossip and witty banter. Bobby was telling us how he was way overdue for some oral simulation and about the crazy Grindrguy (See post Question: Rude or Mature?) Kevin shared how he's been jonesing for a straightie and buffalo chicken. I shared how it's been way to long since I've been pokey poked. I think my virginity grew back. Some how we got on the subject of anal cleansing and the boys were shocked that even though I haven't been with anyone since April I still maintain regular upkeep on it. Bobby's face was full of slight disgust and wonder, "What do you mean regular upkeep? You don't use a douche do you?" Both him and Kevin agreed that they prefer oral sex, they felt anal was to messy.

I know you're dying to know what my regular upkeep must entail. Well, lets just say it's cleaned in and out and you could eat off my ass and it's also very smooth. I like a clean working surface. I think this daily maintenance has enabled me to endure certain thangs so to speak. I have the ability to relax at will, which means anal sex for me doesn't hurt. Kile said "You really are a true bottom." Perhaps the alcohol was starting to affect me or maybe it's cause I just felt comfortable opening up, I then told the boys about something I am able to do. I know this is over sharing but I am able to use my anal muscles to pull my sex partner's penis in deeper and I can really tighten up once they are in. Kile backs up and says "I'm standing back incase I get sucked in. Maybe it's all those Kegel exercises you do." He is right I think they help and I recommend boys do them. Kegel exercises also help with lasting longer and stronger erections. Kevin looked at me and said, "Wait! What? Don't we all have the same butt muscles? So what is yours like a transformer?" Kevin then changes the subject...

"So you guys will never believe who I saw yesterday while driving! That straight guy I blew last summer Train Boy. He was in the car with his fiancé. You guys should have seen his face when he saw me. It was like an omg shit kinda look. Haha." I looked at Kevin and said, "Train Boy?" Kevin replied, "Yeah he works on train rails everyone calls him that. I blew him at him a party last year." Well he was one train ride that Kevin off. I laughed and said, "You've blown so many boys I'm losing track. You need to invest in some stock for Abreva seriously!" Kevin laughing "It doesn't count if he was straight!"

There it is! There's the excuse that puts justification to an incident we knew was wrong or regret. "It doesn't count if.." is used when you can't explain your actions. It's almost like you don't want to call yourself a whore so you come up with excuses for your promiscuous behavior. I heard this excuse a few times among my circle of friends. Perhaps the person that uses it the most is Kevin. It's his favorite excuse.

 

I've heard some pretty funny "It doesn't count" excuses from Kevin. "It doesn't count he was straight." "It doesn't count it was just the tip." "It doesn't count if he was my own age." "It doesn't count because I've already slept with him." "It doesn't count I was upset." "It doesn't count it was just a hand job!" and my own personal favorite "It doesn't count because I was drunk." At this point he might as well use "It doesn't count because it's Tuesday." Kevin uses these excuses to jokingly get out of situations and he can get away with it to an extant. Because of his age he can get away with a lot but that will only last for so long. The older he gets the more he'll hear "He should know better."

I'll admit I've used the "It doesn't count because I was drunk" excuse. We all do things we regret after a couple drinks or 8. I've made out with people I wouldn't have normally made out with if I was sober including girls! Alcohol can be evil. My second date with my ex Richard turned into us going at it like Precious at an all you can buffet. In the beginning I used the excuse "it doesn't count because I was drunk" because it was the beginning. I hadn't known for sure at that point if it was a one time kind of thing or if he really wanted some kind of relationship. I remember telling my friends it didn't count. Two hours of sex not counting? I know I know it was ridiculous. When I look back at that whole relationship with Richard I now say "It doesn't count because he wasn't the one." I used that excuse to justify my lack in judgement.

At the end of my night out with the boys Kile drove Kevin home. Which I knew right away was a bad idea. I had picked Kevin up and actually drove out of my way to get him. His car had broken down earlier that day so he needed a ride. I had planned on taking him home after the bar, but he didn't want me to drive in the opposite direction of where I lived and then drive all the way back home. The whole trip would have taken me over an hour. Since Kile was heading in Kevin's direction he offered to take him. I know Kevin. I know him very well and I knew this had bad decision written all over it. Kevin had a bad day earlier because of his car, so add that plus the vodka and you have mouth open and or legs open. He is the type of person that goes for instant gratification when he is upset about something whether it be a situation or over a guy. I told him over and over I would take him home but he insisted.

  The next morning I receive a text message from Kevin saying, "Horrible idea to let me go home with Kile!" Insert "I told you so" here. Kevin said, "Who knew vodka clubs would really fuck me up!! I didn't do anything really really bad just felt him up in his pants alittle. It doesn't count it wasn't that bad." All I'm doing is reading the text messages and shaking my head. I don't know for certain but I think Kile kind of likes Kevin and he is such a nice guy I just don't want to see anyone's feelings get hurt. Kevin of course blames Kile too by saying "Hello drunk person and he knows my track record! I was stressed it doesn't count!"

So remember when someone says "It doesn't count" what they really mean is "It does count, but I don't want to admit it. Please accept this excuse for my slutty or stupid behavior and it won't happen again. Well until I'm drunk or horny again of course!" Just think to yourself for a moment...How many times have you said "It doesn't count" and what was it for? Was it an embarrassing hook up with someone that you regret or something you did that you wish you could forget?

I Do

We said, "I do" and he leaned in and kissed me. There we were in front of all our family and friends declaring our love and devotion for one another. The sand was warm and in between my toes. The cool salty ocean air caressed my cheeks and the sun kissed my skin. Ocean waves played their own romantic music for us. The day was just beautiful and perfect. My best friends were of course by my side and I could hear my mom crying happy tears. As I looked up at my now husband I realized........The mother fucker didn't have a face! It's funny, I have the idea of how I want my wedding to be, (I always pictured a beach wedding with a causal elegant type setting. I'm not religious at all, more spiritual.) I only need one more thing. Just that one final ingredient, that very important part, you know THE GROOM!

Saturday I was invited to a wedding. I love weddings! I'm a big sucker for the whole romance thing. *insert a sigh here* I brought Kevin with me. He's a good wedding date. Never let's my glass get empty, he gets along with everyone and he is guaranteed to do something stupid. Kevin went to two other previous weddings with me and both of those involved the same families so he already knew some people. This wedding was for my friend's Dad and my other friend's Mom. I've known Jules for about 11 years now. I consider her family almost an extension of my own. I spent most of my early to mid 20's with her and her family. She is and always will be my ultimate fag hag. It's rare when you have a friend that you don't see very often, but when you do It's almost like nothing has happened or changed. That's how my friendship is with Jules. I think my favorite memory with her is when we watched gay porn together. "Lick that sweaty ass!" It was just hilarious! I remember us watching it with her sisters (Judy and Jillian) and when her Dad came home we turned it off quickly. I consider Jules's Dad practically my dad. (I even call him The Dad.) For the longest time he was the only positive male role model I had and in a lot of ways he still is that role model for me. I'm like the redheaded step child they never wanted, but got anyways!

So who is the blushing beautiful bride? ME! (Just kidding) O's Mom Delilah. O went to school with Jules and Judy and both families have known each other for awhile. (For a little background story on O see the post, The Intimacy Debate) I used to hang out with O a lot back in the day (He was almost like my Kevin before I had a Kevin.) There was many drunken nights with O that we sung Celine Dion songs at the top of our lungs. I'm also even good friends with his sister Natalie. Ever since I ripped Natalie's skirt and her ass was hanging out and she broke my designer sunglasses. It was a trampoline incident that got out of hand. It's funny how everyone is kind of connected. The joining of one dysfunctional family to another dysfunctional family. It's gayer than The Brady Bunch!

The wedding was beautiful. Dad was the most handsomeness groom ever and Delilah was so beautiful in her dress. She later told me that O wanted to borrow it when she was done. I can so see a "Like A Virgin" Madonna drag number. You could see how happy they were. (Awe breeder love!) The reception was more funner! (yes I said funner!) Hello open bar! I lost count how many drinks I had. (I know I'm a lush.) Kevin and I sat at table 13 with Sven and Kimberly. They've both been long time family friends like myself. Sven played Dr. Phil with Kevin for a little bit. He was trying to get to the root of Kevin's skanky behavior and why he does what he does or whom for that matter. It was gonna take longer than an hour session though. (Kevin has about as much self control as Lindsay Lohan's nostrils!) It's gonna take Sven time to chip through those slutty crusty layers. I've know Sven for years. He's a sweetheart and a cutie. Perhaps if I would have been drunker or sluttier he would have gotten a Handy-J under the table. Kevin was telling people he wanted to take Sven in the bathroom for a quick bang. I think Jules really summed it up nicely when she came over and said to Kevin, "You dirty slut!"
Towards the end of the reception the groom had his tie around his head like a bandana, Muffin (O's boyfriend) was doing some serious dirty dancing with older women, (it was practically straight porn, they could have conceived babies!) Kevin and I were touching Joshua and his boyfriend (Big Daddy D) inappropriately (it was just a trouser handshake) and Natalie was covered in blue window marker asking me what was all over her, while she was the only one who was using it. (She looked like a Smurf)

After some more partying at the hotel, some laughs and inappropriate talk with O's Aunt and Uncle, Kevin and I went to the Stonewall. (Yeah cause apparently we hadn't had enough to drink!) Craziness ensued at the Stonewall; A lady was buying Kevin and I drinks, she lost her husband downstairs somewhere. (Um he was dancing in a sea of fairies so yeah that looks promising.) Kevin had the karma forces strike him down again when Hick kicked the chair out from under him and he fell on the ground. I guess we weren't paying enough attention to him and he got mad, either that or Kevin just lost his balance I didn't actually see Hick do it. BUT Hick did have this smirk on his face after Kevin fell. Hmmm suspicious! Some good news; Andy and Brett were there and everything is now really official between them. For the first time ever Andy changed his relationship status on Facebook to 'In A Relationship.' Maybe someday they'll get married who knows or Andy will realize his undying passionate love for me, you whatever comes first!

The next day I woke up with the hangover from hell. I started to think about how my wedding would be and if I ever did or even could get married. I was engaged once (Fucker gave me a ring that turned my finger green that should have been an indication of how things were gonna turn out!) so I assume maybe in the future I'll get engaged again if I meet the right guy. I wanna do things the old fashioned way; meet a guy, fall in love, get married, make babies or at least try. I guess we'll see.

In a country that values freedom it certainly feels that there is a lack of it. I find it odd that here in the United States Of America more states would let you marry your own cousin than let gay people get hitched. Why is it more accepting for the cross eyed, inbred hick freaks to get married? This country boosts about equal rights for all, but it won't give me the right that's most important and that is let me love who I love. I can only hope that when I actually meet someone and I want to spend my life with them, that things are better. There's millions of gay couples ready to get married now, I feel bad for them this whole thing is ridiculous. I know a few couples that would get married now if things were different. Conservatives fight that marriage is between a man and woman, I'm sorry sister Christian but you make a mockery out of it every time there's a divorce, a marriage that only lasts 24 hours, and the people that get married more often than they change their underwear. This is what I have to say to you:

Many states in the United States voted to outlaw gay marriage, (bunch of bigoted assholes!) there are many places in the world where gays and lesbians can get married or obtain civil unions. Remember just because you can get married in other countries doesn't mean the U.S. state in which you live in here will recognize it. The same goes for state to state not all laws and rights are carried over from each one. Please check with your state laws before you proceed.

Please support The Human Rights Campaign http://www.hrc.org/

We can't help who we fall in love with!

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